amyrig35 Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Hi. I have been reading the posts here since my Mother-in-law was diagnosed a few weeks back. I read one today that was so similar to her situation that I had to join and respond! She has refused a biopsy, but her doctors are pretty sure it's LC without one (from the X-rays, CT scans and symptoms). She is refusing to accept the diagnosis as she has no faith in doctors or in modern medicine. My husband doesn't know what to do. Does he push her to get a biopsy? Does he tell her that her deteriorating health is from the disease? Does he support her in her denial and say "Yes Mom, you are right. They don't know anything and you will feel better tomorrow"? Every time the phone rings his stomach drops thinking that it is another call from the hospital (she has been in and out several times these past few months). I don't know what to say to him. I would like him to call her doctor and get the whole story because she won't tell him what the doctor says. We only found out about the diagnosis because we happened to be in her hospital room (during her last "episode") when the doctor came in. He started talking about "the cancer" and we were shocked! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Amy, I am so glad you are getting support from this board but so, so sorry you have to be here! This is a tough battle and even tougher if you don't know all the details! Some people prefer to live in denial (if I don't awknowldge it maybe it will go away), and some people just don't want to be a burden. I think it would be best to have a talk with her to let her know she has your full support and push to get the biopsy. We had someone posting on this board not long ago and it turned out they did not have cancer! And if it is cancer it is best to know what type and to find out your options. It could be caught soon enough that it could be cured. When my mom was diagnosed she told the doctor she was not interested in treatment as she did not want to be sick from the treatments (she did not have signs of LC, found on an xray). But the doctor explained that people who have lung cancer often feel better WITH treatments than they would WITHOUT. My mom is 78 and has emphysema. She is having problems with ulcers in her esophagus after radiation but her breathing has improved tremendously and her ex-smokers cough has also gotten better. She has had significant shrinkage in the tumor and she is out enjoying life right now. It's best to face this beast head on. And sometimes fear of the unknown can be worse than facing the truth. Hang in there! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrig35 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Share Posted June 20, 2006 Thank you for the kind words. My mother-in-law also has emphysema (we were told that surgery would not an option). Some of her hesitations are based on her religious beliefs, so I am not sure if encouraging her to find out more will put her in an uncomfortable situation. But I want her to know what her options are. As you said, maybe it isn't cancer! -amy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judy-OK Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Amy I can understand what you and your husband are going through. My mother passed away a couple of years ago but she had kept us all in the dark for years about her health and her ailments. She would always tell us everything was okay and had forbidden her doctor to give us any information. It was very very frustrating. I just started my battle against this beast and did include my son and his wife in the diagnosis and few trips to the various doctors. I also signed papers that allows them access to my medical records. I do not want them having to second guess what is going on. I know this has to be hard on you and your husband but since the cancer was brought up in front of you in the hospital at least there is an opening to hopefully be able to discuss this with her. Could you perhaps get her to come to this board and read some of the survivor stories?? It may give her some relief and release. You are in my thoughts. Judy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Amy, welcome. Glad you decided to post. Only a biopsy can determine if it is definitely cancer, and, in this case, what you don't know can kill you. If it is cancer, then the doctors can recommend what treatments are appropriate. Hang in there and support your husband. Children of cancer patients suffer doubly -- (1) they could lose their parent and (2) this could mean they are also susceptible. LC takes a lot of patience with all who are touched by it. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Hello Amy and welcome. I am so sorry about this situation. I can relate to some extent with your mother in law not wanting to talk about her health etc. Mine was the same way and it is so hard and frustrating to deal with. Unfortunately I do not have much in the way of advice, other than to just be there for your husband and be as supportive of your mother in law as you can.It is not easy. Hopefully your husband will be able to convince her to open up some and allow the doctors to at least do the biopsy. Please keep us all posted and know that we are here, anytime you need to vent or talk or have questions. This is the greatest bunch of people and they are all so knowledgeable and willing to help in any way they can. You and your family are in my prayers, Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted June 20, 2006 Share Posted June 20, 2006 Welcome to the board, Amy. Sorry things are so rough right now. It's so difficult when someone we love is ill. Please know that your MIL and your family are in my prayers. As the others have said..there really isn't any way to know *for sure* unless they do a biopsy. Please keep us updated on how she is doing and do let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 check out the path less travelled and the Alternative Medicine sections for more info to start Wil post more later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted June 21, 2006 Share Posted June 21, 2006 Hi Amy and welcome here. I am sorry for the anguish your husband and you are going through. Not knowing is the worse case senero. Try talking to her doctor and see what he says. Maybe she did not tell him not to let her family know. LC at any stage can be stablized and a person can live a rater normal life. There are so many treatments out there that have done wonders for so many of our memebers. But again, it may not be LC unless she has that biospy. Keep us posted and I pray she has a change of heart as she can be helped. We are always here for you 24/7. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 Hi Amy, welome. You and your husband have a difficult situation to deal with. It must be so frustrating. I guess all your husband can do is just try to be supportive for his mom. I don't think that means he has to pretend there is nothing wrong. Maybe he could tell his mom that he will support her in whatever she decides to do about her condition. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marym Posted June 22, 2006 Share Posted June 22, 2006 Hi Amy, Welcome to the board - but I'm sorry you have a need for it. If your mother-in-law's objection is religious that's difficult to overcome, although a biopsy is not actually medical intervention. It's more like taking a temperature. If she declines treatment after knowing the facts, perhaps that's the road she needs to take. There are many who chose alternative care - see the group on the board. I wish all of you the best in the next difficult time ahead. I don't know if this would help her at all, but I ws diagnosed stage IV a year ago. Yesterday, my brother-in-law who hasn't seen me since Christmas said that he believe I was misdiagnosed. I have had little down time, lead a perfectly normal life (other than trips to the hospital for chemo, check ups etc). Mary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darrell Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hi Amy! That has to be incredibly difficult. I can't even imagine. I hope that your spirits remain high although that has to be very hard. We're keeping you in our thoughts and prayers! Let us know if you need anything. We're here to help in any way we can. Darrell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyrig35 Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Thank you so much everyone! I really appreciate all of the support and we can certainly use all of the kind thoughts and prayers. We are in the process of trying to get some information directly from her doctor - not that it will change much, but I think we will all feel better if some of our questions are answered. I have been looking at the path less traveled board (and have posted to it) and it has been really helpful. Thank you again! I just hope that at some point I can get my husband to come and read... he needs the support and the hope... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.