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For those of us with dogs


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Can you relate??

Dear Dogs,

When I say "Move," it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.. Look at videos of dogs sleeping - they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other and stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking

tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, don't paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years & canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, and then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. The dog lives here. You don't.

2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.

4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can

sell the pups.

The same applies to cats except they ignore you until you are asleep.

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Tee Hee. Chuckle, chuckle. So true, so true. I have a cousin, WHO is very clean, and is appalled that the animals run the house (one dog, one cat). The cat, terrified of the 85 pound lab, lives above ground on countertops, etc. I put her food down off the kitchen counter when people come over, so they're not grossed out. Our food floors, forget them. Our comforters all have holes (Fletch the dog likes to bite them). Our washing machine spits out clothes with hair on them still. And we wouldn't change a thing!

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