Kat Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 As some of you may know from my previous 2 posts that both my parents were batteling lung cancer. I'm sad to say that my Father could no longer fight the battle and passed away Saturday July 1st at the age of 66. We had the funeral yesterday and having to say goodbye for the final time about killed me. I have this emptyness that nothing will fulfill. I'm just at a loss as to what to do. As my Mom went to chemo today the realization set in that I very well could be burying both my parents this year. I fear my mom will give up the fight because my dad had promised her he would be there to help her through this and now he's not. I don't know how to help her when I'm not even sure how I will get through this myself! I just keep waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmere! I just want my life the way it was last summer when no one in my family had cancer! I want my dad back and I want my mom to be healthy! How do I stop the pain? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Oh dear Kathleen, That happens to be my given name as well. Somehow I missed your first 2 posts where you introduced yourself and explained your situation. I am just at a loss for any words to comfort you, sweet girl. I don't think there are any. What a terrible hand you have been dealt. I am so sorry about your dad and will pray so hard that your mother has the will to continue her fight. I understand when you mentioned about others not getting it. That comment about everything will be fine is a very lame one and it infuriates me as well. I so hope you continue to come here for our support and friendship and our understanding. Try to be strong..........we will walk this with you. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat, it is very tough to lose a parent, and worse to lose two. I lost my dad to heart attack and my mom to post-operative peritonitis within 11 months when I was in my early 20's. Despite the great grief, one can get through it and move on. My best tribute to my parents, I believe, is my own life, lived as best as Don can. I have many fond memories and I have shared them with my children. I wish you peace. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 First of all my deepest and most sincere condolences and prayers for you family. I too know the pain of losing a loved one but not a parent, a wife. your father fought a good fight. He is now without pain and you and mom are left to bear the pain he felt. Your father is now your guardian angel for his family. He watches over you and mom every minute of every Day and Night. He is still with you in your heart and memories. Cherish the memories because no person can ever take them away from you no mater what happpens, you will always have wonderful happy loving memories of your Father. Cherish each day you get with your mom. pray for tomorrow. Enjoy today. Focus on gettimg mom better. There are many here who have beat odds given by Doctors. There is always hope for miracles. Prayers go up and blessings come down to us. Never give up the fight. there is always hope for things to improve. I know things look bleak but remember the sun always comes out after the storm. I hope this advice helps you and your mom find some comfort in some small way. Sending prayers for strenght and stability in this time of turmoil. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richinsdakota Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 So sorry to hear...hang in there, the great folks on this board will help you get thru all this...take care...Rich B. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Oh Kat, what heavy burden you are carrying. First, my deepest condolences for the passing of you dad. He did fight hard and wanted so bad to be there for his love but unfortunately he lost the war. Always keep him close in your heart. Cherish all those wonderful memories you have of him and he will always live on through you. I also know that he is looking down on you and your mom and is worried about this heavy load you are left with. You will find the stregnth to help your mom as you know how much she needs you. Is thee any other siblings or close friends that could help you? You and your mom keep a positive attitude and know that she is in good hands. We are here 24/7 for any help or support you may need. I wish I could help to make your laod lighter. Hang in there, lets just pray that you mom will be luckier than you dad. As mamy here have beaten this beast even when the odds were nill. Peace be with you, honey. Keep us posted. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Dear Kat, My deepest sympathies and condolences to you and your family on the loss of your dad. I am so sorry that you have all of these heavy loads to bear. You have definitely come to the right place for support and hope as far as your mom's battle goes. Please let us know what we can do to help you and her along the way. Sending you prayers for strength and peace of mind as well as sympathy and condolences and love, Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adela Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat, Sorry for your loss, this must be very hard for you. May you and your Mother have strength and peace in the coming months. Adela Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdjenkins Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Dear Kat, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Father. I lost my Dad in January of this year and understand the great heart ache. Your pain must be double with your Mom sick as well. I pray for strength for you and your family. Life is so unfair at times. Keep coming to the board for hope and understanding. Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank Lamb Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat,I am very sorry for the loss of your father. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilliBr1 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kate, I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kathleen....I am so very sorry to read of your fathers' passing. I know how heartbroken you are! How is your mother dealing with your fathers' death? It must be so hard for her right now, as every minute of her treatment must bring thoughts of your father. Please remember to take care of yourself during this time. Although you are being strong for your mother, you must allow yourself the time to grieve for your father. What a horrible position to be in. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Remember we are here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat - I am so sorry this horrible disease has dealt you a double whammy and so sorry that you have lost your father. I can't imagine what you and your mom are going through. When my mother was diagnosed she was ready to give up also as we attended a funeral for a first cousin who died of lung cancer on the day of mom's diagnosis. Mom did finally agree to treatment and seems to be enjoying life again. How is your mom doing? What stage is she in and what is her treatment plan? I'm hoping your mom does not lose her will to fight and I'm praying you both find comfort in knowing your dad is not suffering anymore. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flwrjunke Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Oh Kat, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad. I know how hard it is to lose a parent, both parents. I wish there was more I could say to comfort you right now. Know that I'm praying for you and your Mom. Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don M Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your father. I hope you and your mom find a way to go through the pain and continue the fight against this disease for your mom. Bless you and yours. Don M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I'm so very sorry to hear that you lost your Dad, I know how heartbreaking it is. I lost my Dad back in Nov 05 at the age of 66 too and God it's way to young.. I know what your feeling and your thinking how the Hell am I going to get through this but take it from me it will get easier. You will find the strenght,I was a wreck (still am at times)but I'm laughing and having a good time and you will too.. Take Care of your Mom and let her know that you need her and Love her.. ~Love Michele~ And remember it's Okay to cry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindy0519 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat, Having just lost my Dad on June 21, 2006 - I can understand your pain! I am so very sorry that you now know this pain too. The feelings of emptiness that nothing can fulfill and not knowing what to do are feeling that I can VERY much identify with. I understand how very overwhelming they can be! Oh.. how I wish I had "magical answers" that I can pass on to you..to others..and for myself - the only way I know of to "go on" is to take each day, each moment, each feeling, for what it is and allow myself the time and space to grieve this great loss. I know this to be true - my Dad wanted our lives to continue with happy memories, rather than with long lasting grief and tears. He insisted that life should continue as normally as possible, so in his honor - I do my best to "go on"...day by day, moment by moment. My life will never be the same without Dad but I know that time, the love of my family and my faith/trust in God will help me to find my way to truly "living" again. I pray that you, your family and friends can help you mom to know that your Dad lives on in her heart and that he IS "with her" and (you as well) as she continues her "journey" with lung cancer! I truley believe that his spirit will be there to give you all love, strength and the will to continue the fight. I can only imagine just how hard this all is for you and your entire family. I know that words can seem very empty at times like this, but my thoughts and prayers are with you all. Peace be with you, Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jduenges Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Dear Kat, I am very sorry about your Dad. I know exactly what your feeling as far as the emptiness. I lost my Dad 10 months ago. I miss him so very much and cry almost daily. There is nothing that anyone can really say to make you feel any better, it does take time. You need to take each day as it comes. Things are not the same but you do keep going. I feel so bad about your Mom too, I can't imagine what you must be feeling. Hang in there. Take one day at a time...Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreed70 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat~ I'm so sorry! This is a horribly rough time for you! My prayers are with you!! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat, I am so very sorry for your loss. One day at a time Kat, one day at a time. God Bless you. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastCoastLadi Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Kat, I really can understand how you are feeling, I lost my dad to bladder cancer last Aug. he was only 64, it was such a very difficult time, and he went through alot, pain, chemo, radiation, surgeries..but it was too powerful too fast for him. A month later to the day, my husband is at the ER for possible pneumonia, and they find a tumor in his lung, after tests, biopsies, it was lung cancer, and not a very good prognosis. So I know, its' such a battle, it's like cancer is now a major part of your life, you fight to keep the ones you love around, you want to have control to try to help as much as you can, sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. I think I went around for months after my husbands' diagnosis, saying "this is too hard", over and over again. But somehow, just moment by moment you can have some strength, and of course in the next breath you can totally lose it. It ok, to feel, to be frustrated, to grieve. I send my prayers out to you and your mom. Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I am so sorry that you have lost your father. I will be praying for both you and your mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyT Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 Dear Kat, I am so sorry to read about the loss of your Dad. Wishing you and your family peace and comfort at this difficult time love, NancyT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meredith Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 You have had so much to deal with, and it is so unfair. I am sorry about your father, but I wish the best for you, your mother, your little nephew and the rest of your family. I hope your grief gets more bearable with time. Your life probably won't ever be as it was, but you will hopefully heal and make something new. Take care, Meredith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Q Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 You can relieve the pain by talking, talking, talking! Not everyone is a "joiner" and is comfortable joining support groups. Some get their support right here, in an anonymous forum. Some need to physically be with others in their situations. Whatever...find out what is best for you. I lost my dad to melanoma in Jan of this year, and my mom to NSCLC in April of this year. I KNOW what it's like to lose both parents close together. I also know that my mom was relieved that dad passed first...he was never a nurterer and did not have a clue as to the finances, so she was relieved to know that he would not be saddled with those things...Yet she never did really grieve for him. Not enough time, I guess. There is so much to do as the surviving spouse. That alone will keep one's mind off the cancer thing a bit. But if I may give a bit of advice...have your mom put everything in trust. Consult an estate attorney and get all the financial matters in order. No kidding, probate is NOT where you want to go! I wish you the best. PM me if you like! ~Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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