Too much pain

[angelofcharlie20]

Dear Carleen,

Stay strong. I know it's hard to believe, but things will get better little by little.

I will continue to pray for you and your baby.

Shirley

[lindseysmom]

Oh Carleen,

I wish I could take away your hurt. But there is nothing anyone can say or do to stop your feelings of despair. Only time will help. Please remember we are all here for you. You are so loved here Carleen.

Best Wishes,

Dee

[Hebbie]

Carleen,

Your post has saddened me beyond words. I wish I could offer comfort, but am at a loss for how. The best I can offer is to lift you up in prayer for strength to get through this time.

My heart breaks for you,

Heather

[EastCoastLadi]

Carleen,

I'm still thinking about you and hope that you are doing alright. Please know that I am saying my prayers for you today.

Grace

[bunny]

you're never far from my thoughts. I can not imagine how painful life is for you right now, yet I have faith that it will get better, somehow, someday. I'm just so sorry.

[Carleen]

I just don't know why I'm being tortured so much. I just got a call from my doctor, and according to the blood work I've lost the baby.

I don't have my Keith anymore, I don't have his child, I don't have anything left in this life to live for.

I know I promised my Keith I'd never do anything to hurt myself, and I am trying hard not to. But it is so hard right now. I just don't want to hurt anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. Why does there have to be so much pain? I look forward in every conceivable scenario, and all I see is pain, misery, unhappiness, loneliness, loss of more loved ones, emptiness, and fear. I just want my Keith back, I just want to be with him again. I need him so much. He would have made lossing the baby ok or at least been able to comfort me, now there is nothing and no one.

[Ann]

(((((((((Carleen))))))))))

Honey, I know it's not the same but please remember that you have all of us here to love and support you. I am so sorry about the baby. Please hang in here with us. Remember there are so many of us here that have already walked down the path you are now taking. We have all felt hopeless, lost and empty. We love you and care for you so much, Carleen. We are all one little family, brought together to help each other through these hard times. You can't carry all of this pain alone.

[Geri]

My heart aches for you Carleen. I have no words to help you, I cannot imagine the depth of your pain but I do know that you have the strength to get through this.

You have shown time and time again through Keith's journey that you are much stronger than you may think right now.

Is there a grief support group in your area that will understand and help you through these dark days?

You're in my thoughts, please take care of yourself.

Geri

[Don Wood]

Carleen, honor your promise to Keith and hold onto it. Reach out for the love all want to give you right now. The pain will subside if you give it a chance. The hole will always be there but you can fill it with good memories of your love. Take care. Don

[ztweb]

Oh Carleen,

Since I first read your posts this has been my biggest fear. Every day I have prayed that your pains would be eased so that putting one foot in front of the other would be without pain and would grow easier every day. Please, keep that promise to Keith. Please know there are so many of us out here that love you and that support you.

God bless,

Jen

[MilliBr1]

Carleen I am so sorry. Listen to what Don said it is excellent advice. Please talk to your family and let them help you.

[Remembering Dave]

Carleen - I just sent you a PM. please get in touch with me if I can help more.

Karen

[Connie B]

Dear Carleen,

I don't take it lightly when people talk about ending there life, being that is how I lost my son.

Please get on the phone to some friends or call someone that can really offer you IN-PERSON SUPPORT RIGHT NOW. Being along is NOT WHAT YOU NEED AT THIS TIME. Can you go to your parents or a friends?

I really don't think we can give you the REAL HONEST TO GOODNESS SUPPORT AND HELP YOU NEED RIGHT NOW!

[Littlegirl]

Connie is right Carleen. Your are so utterly and completely loved in this special place we have here but your grief needs more tangible, concrete support. Can you go to your parents for awhile or do you have a girlfriend that can come stay with you or take you away somewhere quiet? Someone from your church or grief support group?

Please honor Keith in the promise you made to him. You know if God chose to take you first you would have wanted Keith to carry on. Cancer is an ugly beast and I am sorry it took your sweet love, but DO NOT let it be the reason you leave this earth too. Your family has had enough losses already and this is one they just could not bear. (I hate to add that burden on you but you know it is true.)

Please just hold on. I can't imagine the darkness you are feeling right now, but as I said before I KNOW there will be joy in your life again one day.

Hang in there, Karen

[Treebywater]

Hang on, Carleen. We are all going to hold you best we can here. Find someone tangible to walk through the darkness with you. Keep breathing one breath at a time until you don't have to remind yourself to take them anymore.

You are so loved. Don't forget that.

[mamasbabygirl]

REach out to your large support network Carleen. It feels good to put on your jammies and let your parents hold you.

[K and Kids]

Carleen,

I don't have wise words but you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Prayers for comfort and people to help hold you up when you need it.

Karen

[Andrea]

Sending love and prayers

[stand4hope]

Dear Carleen,

I really like what Don said. You did make a promise to your love. Hopefully, that promise is enough to push you into seeking some heavy-duty counseling, and going someplace where you can be safe, held, and loved and not alone. Please take this advice and do it as soon as possible - like right NOW!

Your thoughts and words are very frightening to us. We don't have our physical hands on you. We can't hold you. We want to, but we aren't there. We are so far away from you, but others are close by. As I discovered in my own recent experience, there are others that truly can help sustain you. We don't know how to help you out of this dark place, but there are professional counselors that do. Please call your pastor or even a local suicide hot line. Tell them what you're going through and ask them where you can go. As a matter of fact, I'm even going to find some phone numbers for you in your town. I'll PM or call you!

Carleen, we have had so many wonderful PMs and talks. You have been such a comfort to me on many occasions. PLEASE! PLEASE! Do what Connie suggested and make a call right NOW!

My arms are around you, my hands are patting your back, our heads are laying on each other's shoulders and we are sharing our tears. We are BOTH going to be ok. OK?

Love,

Peggy

[Anais]

Dear Carleen,

Connie is right, you need to be surrounded by caring, compassionate people, loving family and friends. Please do not stay alone.

Anaïs

[joanie55]

Carleen,

I just saw your recent post and am so upset. As others have said, you MUST, IMMEDIATELY, go stay with either a good friend or family member.

You also need to speak with someone that deals in losses of this magnitude.

I can only imagine how you're feeling, and unfortunately, any words I may have, I know are only words right now. You need to get through this terrible time with one-on-one help. There is probably medication that may help relieve some of the pain you are experiencing.

You know we all love you here, but just for now, you need more.

Please take care,

Joan

[gail]

Just sending my love and support.

gail

[cindi o'h]

Carleen,

Please try to stay out of the future. You don't know what God has planned for you tomorrow. Just do today. The future is too much to try to perceive.

Hon. You know we all care about you. I think about you several times a day for the past several weeks.

You have lifted me up more than once. I wish I could do the same for you.

Cindi o'h

[Snowflake]

Carleen,

My life would be darker without you in it. I think you are worthy of living and have so much more to give and to receive of this world before it is your time to join Keith. If God had wanted you both at the same time, that is how it would have happened - it didn't. You PROMISED Keith you would not hurt yourself and dammit, Carleen, you are NOT a quitter.

I KNOW there is a cloud of pain that has descended on you and is like an elephant pressing on your chest. Every single BREATH hurts, but Carleen, you HAVE been breathing for a week. In and out, one breath at a time, minute by minute, day by day.

I know you miss him and that the loss of the baby has compounded that miserably. I can't make you promises about your future, I don't know what your future holds, but knowing who YOU are on the inside, I'm pretty sure there is good stuff coming up. You can't see outside of the fog right now, but that doesn't mean there isn't sunshine just outside of your view. Do NOT lose your hope and your faith. I don't mean religious faith, I mean your faith that tomorrow will be a better day.

One foot in front of the other, Carleen. Keith didn't want you to die with him, keep on with the Journey of Life and carry him with you in your heart.

xxoo,

Becky

[lilyjohn]

God I hate it that you have to hurt so much! I know there is nothing or no one who can take your pain away, but as impossible as it seems it will get a little easier one day. Until then don't look forward, never look forward right now. Take one minute at a time. Breathe, cry, scream and beat up on things wear yourself out until your body will demand rest. Then it will come to you a few minutes at a time.

So many people here love and support you. I know that right now that doesn't help a lot but we are here. We do care. Kieth may not be with you physically but his love is all around you. You have to live to honor that love. You have to go on and let what you have had to endure find a way of helping someone else. That may be months or even years down the road for you but the time will come. Honor Kieth and your love for eachother by fighting for your life. That's what it is Carleen. You may not know it now but you are in a fight for your life and it is a fight that you have to win not only for your sake but for Kieth's.

God does love you. I know it feels like He hates you. How could He do this to you? He didn't do it to you Hon but He did let it happen to you. Why? I don't know anymore than you do but this pain is something that you have to endure to get you to where you are supposed to be. It's rotten that we have to hurt so much to get where we are going. Why isn't there another way? I don't have the answers. Sometimes I still get angry at the injustice of life but for the most part I just keep going because the alternative is something that I am not ready for either. You are young. YOu still have a lot of life ahead of you even feeling as you do that it is over.

You will dream again. YOu will hope again and you will live again but it will be a different life. The pain will always be there but there will come a time when you realize that you forget it for a minute or two then even an hour or two. Life will be different but that doesn't mean that someday you won't find something good in life again. Believe me. As far gone as I was I have come to that place now. It wasn't easy but what in life that is worthwhile is?