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Lost (9 years ago 8/5/2003)


KatieB

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I don't know how to feel anymore. I feel numb. I've cried more than I have in my entire life, and now I'm just so so tired.

When I'm alone with daddy...I talk to him. I know he can hear me, even though his body is dying. I told him yesterday to remember how much I loved him and cared for him and fought like mad to help him beat this disease...and with that same love and fight...I would always take care of mom. Told him not to worry anymore, it was ok now, we would be ok. I broke down in heaving sobs...and his arm moved and his fingers moved toward me as if he were trying to touch me as I was huggin him and crying. I know he hears me.

They told him he had 4 months to live on September 13, 2002. He sure showed them didn't he? They told us on Sunday that he only had 48 hours....He's still showing them! And telling them all to screw off.

Dad's never been one to do what he didn't want to do. Persistant and stubborn and his love for us is so great. So we all wait...and in the back of our minds is a little bit of hope ---and that is what is killing us and tearing us to pieces a little more with each minute that passes.

His body is dying. The cancer is everywhere...His liver is failing...His heart rate is so high that they say it too will fail soon...yet he breathes and fights and holds his own.

He is the strongest, bravest person I know. He is in my blood...his smile is locked in my heart and the lessons he taught me can not ever die.

But I feel like I am dying too.

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Oh Katie.... :cry::cry:

My heart aches for what you all are going through at this very awful time. I admire the great strenght that your Dad has, he is a remarkable man and no one or nothing can ever take that away from him. Always remember that. Your strenght is also amazing, and your being with him now is all that matters now. But I know exactly what you mean when you say a part of you is dying. May God Bless you all with peace. My prayers are with you and your family. Take Care.

Dona

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Katie,

I have only but admiration for you and your Dad. Like Jessee, my Dad gave this disease a good fight and it felt like the rug was pulled from under my feet when he passed away. Even though the pain of losing him was almost unbearable I was consoled by the fact that he knew right to the very end that I loved him and that I would have been right there with him no matter how long it would have taken him to battle this disease.

I am still hoping and praying for a miracle for your Dad.

Theresa

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Dear Katie,

I'm so sorry for this terrible ordeal you are all going through. I wish we could all send you some strength to endure this. You and your family are amazing and the roll you took on has been so hard and you have truly risen to the occasion. I pray for peace for all of you and know that your father knows how much you love him and you know also how much he loves you. You have done every conceivable thing anyone could do and you should never have any regrets.

Jenny

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Katie:

Words can not even begin to describe the sorrow that came through sooo clearly in your post. I know that nothing that anyone says right now will completely take away your pain but know that their are tons of us who are keeping you and your family in our prayers. You will get through this, and we are all here to help. :)

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Katie, I just don't know what to say. I wish I could be there with you through this. I wish that I could come up with some magic words that would make it all better. You and your Dad are so lucky to have the relationship that you have. I am so sorry that your dad has taken such a terrible turn. You are all in my prayers. If there is something I can do for you, some way I could help...Deb

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Dear Katie,

I am so saddened to read this post...you and your father have been such an inspiration and I wish I could just make this all go away for you.

Never give up hope....a few years back my grandmother was ill and we were told to get the priest to perform last rites cause she was not going to make it. We had my aunt fly in, just in case, and by morning she had completly recovered for the better. My aunt almost didnt believe us, thats how much better she became, just like that! I pray for the same for your dad.

God bless you, your father and your family.

Tracy

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:(:(:(

My heart is breaking for you Katie - you are such a special person - you have been the fighter for your Dad and your Mom when I'm sure they felt overwhelmed. Your father is blessed to have a daughter like you, you are a credit to what wonderful parents you have!

May God watch over your dear father and family during this very difficult time.

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He hears and understands every word you have said, Katie.

My best to you and your family, once again..it can never be said enough.

I have been thinking of you daily and have checked the boards for any news. I will continue to do so, with a little spark of hope that Jessie can pull off his miracle.

I mean for himself, he has already had his first miracle, it was you.

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So sorry for this painful and difficult time you are all going through. Your Dad has put up a tantastic fight and it doesn't look as if he is through it. You have been at his side and still are. Prayers that this will turn around -- if anyone can do it, Jessee can.

Prayers with you and your family; many hugs too.

Gail

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When I'm alone with daddy...I talk to him. I know he can hear me, even though his body is dying. I told him yesterday to remember how much I loved him and cared for him and fought like mad to help him beat this disease...and with that same love and fight...I would always take care of mom. Told him not to worry anymore, it was ok now, we would be ok. I broke down in heaving sobs...and his arm moved and his fingers moved toward me as if he were trying to touch me as I was huggin him and crying. I know he hears me.

He is the strongest, bravest person I know. He is in my blood...his smile is locked in my heart and the lessons he taught me can not ever die.

But I feel like I am dying too.

Dear Katie,

You are exactly RIGHT he DOES hear you. He is fighting to hold on for you and the rest of your family. I too, like the others feel so bad that you are having to deal with this. You have been so wonderful to all of us and I know that I will be forever grateful.

If and when you feel the time is write here is a link that might help you during the most difficult time.

http://www.crossingthecreek.com/

Hold tight to your daddy and continue to tell him of your love and KNOW of the love he has for you.

I am praying for you all.

HUGS, Shelly

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