cindy0519 Posted July 21, 2006 Share Posted July 21, 2006 At 10:55 a.m. (or 7:55 a.m. Az time) - it has offically been one month to the minute from the last breath that Dad took. Today is VERY VERY hard!! I find myself sitting here reliving the last few minutes of his life and wanting so badly to be able to touch him again - to hold his hand, or stoke his arm or his cheek. Being with him in those last hours was so bittersweet and as odd as it sounds, I find myself somehow needing those last few precious moments today. Today is somehow harder than all 29 days that have proceed this one. I can't put it into words exactly, but somehow today the full impact of the finality of his death is really hitting me hard! I am never again going to be able to call him, ask his advice or chat about his upcoming/recent hunting or fishing trip or tell him about our dive trips, I'll never again spend hours finding "just the right card" to send him or hear him tell me ..."I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, but..." - oh how at certain points in my life I hated those words.. but today I'd give anything to hear them again. Frankly, today I am sad to my core - so much so that it is almost consumming me and it is a battle to keep it from doing so today for some reason. This great sadness is not for him - for him I am elated that he is no longer in pain and is free of all that having cancer burdened him with. My sadness is totally selfish! As much as I thought I was ready to let go - - I AM NOT READY! I AM NOT READY! I AM NOT READY! I am really feeling every word of this today ,.. "The tears in my eyes I can wipe away, The ache in my heart will always stay" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.