mamasbabygirl Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 I am partially ashamed, sometimes not so much, to tell you all that I completely drunk and I do not care. Mom's neurosurgeon called us today to tell su that the bumps are tumors growing out of mom's head. There is nothing he can do, but refer her to hospice. Mom does not know this yet. Her Dr. will come and tell her tomorrow. He gave her a timeline of 1-2 months. I think that everyone else has been expecting this bc of her declne (drooping mouth causing extreme slurred speech, large bumps growng ont eh side of her head), but mom was talking about when she goes back to work just last week. She has been cracking up the nurses at every turn. I have never told you guys that I do a "toenail desgin once a week on mom's toes", but today, I did a dark color with white polka dots and smiley faces today for her special birthday desgin and she was sure to show them off to everyone who entered her room. I simply cannot beleive that her Dr. will walk into her room tomorrow and say "Sandy, I am sorry to tell you we can't help you and you will be entering hospice. How in the hell can I possible help her through this news? I am so afriad she will shut down and give up. I think that even if she died with hope, it would be far better than being depressed and focusing on death until the day came. I have been questioning everything lately-my role in life, at my job, as a mother, a daughter, a girlfriend and on and on and on. I ahev said so many times that I feel it is ultimately mporatnt for the pateitn to understand what is happening, but today, I am quite relieved that mom can celebrate her birthday with hope, certain nervousness, but hope. Meawhile, I feel that I am grieving and deceiving her. I think that I am going through some major life changes, self changes, hopefully self discovery-it certainly does not feel like it. This is surreal... I may amke several posts. It just helps to write, it may not make sense and I am sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 (((((Lori))))) I just wish I could hug you in person right now. I am so very, very sorry. So many things I could type, and they all just... aren't right, aren't enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NancyT Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Oh Lori, I am so sorry all this is going on....you are an amazing daughter, always doing special things! I wish there was some way I could help, I know how hard it is to hear"Hospice". Thinking of you and your Mom Sending prayers NancyT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 ^ months ago today was the last time I saw Deb alive! I am crying reading thispost right now. This ain't gonna be easy, but. Lori I understand howe you feel right now I think. Deb and I did not do hospice because we never had the need for it. UNFORTUNATELY, I THINK. You should be proud VERY PROUD OF YOURSELF AND YOUR MOM. Both have you have been throught the ringer since I have been here. Ya make sense to me. don't worry. I have been with you guys for somwe time and I know Hospice is hard to accept because we know the end is near. LEt them come in and help everyone. Don't think of it as losing this fight. think of it as the next step in this fight. I know this sounds weird. You will be better for accepting what happens even though you do not want to. Deb and I did this 3 weeks before she passed. She told me she was tired of fighting but would not quit. She also said if she saw the light at any time she was going to the light, but would not look for the light. I understood what She meant and It helped me tremendously. I know the fear you are feeling. It started for me on Jan 20 2006 when Deb was rushed to the hospital and ended on JAN 23 2006 the day she passed away. THese are only my thoughts and opinions and I pray for you that they may help you find some comfort during this difficult time right now. If ya need to vent or need anything PM me Check in frequently. Sending prayers for you and mom and Family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 I'm so sorry, Lori. I know some of what you are going through. Miracles DO happen. I'm praying for one for your mom and praying for strength and peace for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Oh honey... What good will this news do your Mom? Does she have her affairs in order? Is there any piece left unturned that she needs to turn? Has she stated that she wants to know what her doctor's prediction of her future is? These are difficult questions to ask yourself. My brother was not aware that he was terminally ill. His spirits were very good until the day the PA broke the news to him that he wasn't going to live. Took the humor out of him and he became frightened and withdrawn. I don't mean that is what will happen with your Mom, I am just relating John's experience to you. He had affairs to get in order, but was too depressed to do it and then too sick to attempt. Lots to think about honey. I am just so sorry to hear that your Mom is in such dire straits, Lori. lots of hugs and love to you. Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trish2418 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Oh, Lori, my heart breaks for you and your mom. Like Randy, I'm in tears as I type this. Never question that you didn't do all that you could for your mother. You are an amazing warrior to an amazing warrior. Ultimately, its your mom's fight, you've done all you can to prepare her for and to assist her in the fight. Unfortunately, you can't throw the punches for her. It sounds, though, like she's got plenty of fight left in her. You're both in my thoughts and prayers. Trish Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Oh Lori, My heart is breaking for you. This is just horrible and I can't imagine what you are going through. At the end of Daddys life (when they determined there was nothing left to be done) he was mentally not with it, so had no idea and that made it much easier for us. I read Cindys post and have to say, I think you should really consider not telling Mom. It may make her final weeks better for her. Please know I am thinking of you and praying for you.... this just sucks. Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melindasue37 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Oh Lori, this is so heart breaking to read. No words even seem right because I know how difficult hearing those words from the doctor are for you. I'm so very sorry. Warm Hugs, Melinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie B Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 (((((((((((((((LORI))))))))))))) Cindi is right when she says, you have lots to talk about and lots to do. Try not to leave no stone unturned. When my sister was nearing the end, she always made it sound like she was going on vacation and we would see her later. She made it very easy for all of us. She always said she was going to a beautiful place and she would meet and greet other family and frinds. She just made it all so comforting for us. This is not an easy part of the journey, but we're here for you. (((((((((((LORI)))))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EastCoastLadi Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Lori, Write, vent all you want, you've just had the world knocked out of you. This isn't what her or you or anyone in your family needed to hear. Please remember that your mom has a great attitude and that is going to help you and her. Believe me, I do understand about what you are going thru, I remember when my dads' drs. told us, it was time for hospice, comfort and care/ pallative - God! I still hate those words!!!! I know it sucks big time, please you've been here for so many people, let us be here for you!!!!! I pray that your mom is comfortable and has no pain... Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Oh, Lori..hold and love your mama. Don't know if this helps or not, but we are here for you. I know your pain, losing my dad was heartbreaking. Love you, Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinC1973 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Oh, damn. I am so sorry Lori. I've said before, you seem to have as close a relationship with your mom as I did with mine, and it's so hard to feel so helpless for someone you love so desperately. I'm probably in the minority here, but I'd tell her. I couldn't keep anything from my mom, and I think she would have known anyway, so telling her would have gotten her to talk about it, because she also didn't talk much when she was scared. I don't know...I'm babbling...I just feel so terrible for you, and wish it wasn't true with every fiber of my being. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jendew Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 I am so so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help you through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 So sorry. Prayers for you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patty Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Dear Sweet Lori, My heart is breaking for you & your Mom. I too am in tears over this devastating news. Please let hospice or somebody who is very caring help you. No matter whatever you decide to do will not be the right or the wrong thing. I just know because of all the love between you that it will somehow be okay and you will be okay. Don't ever doubt yourself, you are, and have been the very best daughter to your Mom. I can only hope that when my time comes that I have somebody like you to help me through it. You go ahead and vent and rant and rave and carry on in what ever way helps, but do take care of yourself, because it looks like you are an especially important person with very important things to do. God Bless YOU and your MOM, now and always. And, Lori, you have got to believe that your Mom is going to a much better place where there is no pain or heartache. Sending love, thoughts and prayers, Patty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Lori, Don' t know if this will help. But, your mom probably already knows things are very bad. With Charlie, he knew things were bad. But, a lot of the detailed discussion about his prognosis and what to expect was between me and his doctors. BTW, I told my kids everything so there were no surprises other than the suddenness of it all...which was very traumatic in and of itself. However, I was glad I had told them everything. Prayers continuing. We love you and are here for you. God bless! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
purplelady47 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Lori ~ First of all, don't even be partially ashamed that you decided to tie one on (that statement was typed in between sips of my iced coffee flavored with Cask & Cream ). Although I don't use liquor as a coping mechanism, sometimes it is exactly what the doctor needs to prescribe. Secondly, please know that I am so sorry to hear this news. I had hoped that the neurosurgeon would tell you that the bumps were just some strange side effect of treatment. Please know that I am sending you lots of strength, courage and hugs as you deal with the challenges that lie ahead. I remember the day my Mother signed herself into Hospice. When she was just diagnosed and decided not to treat her cancer, I was very angry with her. But I had to let her make her decisions about her life. I don't know if not telling your Mom is a good thing - no matter what she is saying about returning to work or no matter how her cheerful her attitude is, she may be presenting the "right" attitude, partly in fear and maybe partly to help you. She might want/need this time under Hospice's care to have the opportunity to impart her wisdom and love to her family and loved ones. Lastly, I know that we tend to look at Hospice as giving up hope. I am trying my best to look at Hospice care as not giving up hope, but rather changing the gears of hope. I know that doesn't make alot of sense (blame the Cask & Cream ) - during treatment we are hoping for NED and/or stable disease and under the care of Hospice, we are hoping for comfort and peace, not only for the patient, but also for the family and the loved ones too. So we are not giving up hope, just changing what we are hoping for. Nobody knows your Mom like you do and I know that whatever decision you make will be made with love. It is a tremendous responsibility to put on your shoulders but I know that you are a strong and brave woman as well as a loving and wonderful daughter. With love, Pam in FL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppie Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 ((((Lori)))) My heart and hopes are with you. Eppie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamasbabygirl Posted July 22, 2006 Author Share Posted July 22, 2006 Mom's Dr. came in today and explained that there is nothing more he can do and that he is referring her to hospice. She shook her head and said "I can't believe this. I did not expect it." She said that if she is going to die, she wants to be at home (that's after SF puttng me through the mill this morning about how he wants her in a facility-we had a huge fight). And so it shall be-mom is coming home tonight. The hospice nurse will be here in the morning. After the Dr. left, we cried for a long time and then mom said "I don't think I'm going to die." I said, OK mom , keep that hope, I believe in miracles, don't you?" It was so touching. She told me through tears that I have done everything possible for her and how she appreciates me. She also said that she will always be here with me and I agreed that she will always be in my heart, forever and ever. The Dr. was very good. He did mention any of the gruesome details that he communicated with me, but he was straight with her that there are no other options. Don't know what else to say right now, just wanted to give you guys an update. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ladyintheglen Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 (((((((Lori))))))) I'm so sorry to hear this news. Please know that you are all in my prayers. I've written 4 responses (erased them all) and nothing seems sufficient. I can tell you that we would not have made it through with out hospice. With love, Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Lori~ I am so sorry. I am glad you are taking her home and not listening to your SF. Hospice will be a great help to you both. Please know we're all here for you Lori. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Lori Just wanted You to know I always pray for the miracle for your Mom. Know it is a longstretch but there is always hope. Much lovve and Joy and Glad mom will be home with you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stand4hope Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Dear Lori, I, too, am so sorry. It makes it 10 times worse when you have worked so very hard to try to prevent this. I'm glad the doctor told her.... THIS IS IMPORTANT: It gave her the opportunity to be able to tell you how much you mean to her and how much she has appreciated all you've done. You will remember that conversation for the rest of your life. I'm glad that she had the opportunity to say it NOW. As you know, with the brain issues being so severe, just about anything could happen with her mind over the next weeks/months. This way, even if she becomes difficult at a later date, you will always remember your conversation today. Be sure to copy your post above and keep it so you will remember. I remember that about an hour or so before Don died, when he was heavily sedated and totally paralyzed (intentionally) that I told him he wasn't going to make it. I told him it was ok to go and that Mike and I would be ok and I would always love him. My tears were soaking his bed as I talked to him. At that moment, he squeezed my hand. UNBELIEVABLE! Remember, he was sedated and paralyzed. The nurse was there and I shouted, "He squeezed my hand." She said, "He can hear you." After he died, as I was leaving, that nurse got ahold of me and got very close to my face, looked me in the eye and said, "Don't you ever forget that he squeezed your hand." It was a good thing she did that. Because of the state of mind I was in, I think I could have forgotten it if she hadn't so deliberately with eye-to-eye contact said those words to me. I will never forget. So, please write down or copy those words above and DON'T EVER FORGET! Love, Peggy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted July 22, 2006 Share Posted July 22, 2006 Lori, No words really. I'm just so sorry for you all. Sending prayers of strength and peace, Love, Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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