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I am so sad. All I think about is my dad. Even when I do sleep at night I dream about him. In last nights dream he was near the end and as he was gasping for air I was begging him to hold on. I don't know what to do with myself. Sleep is nearly impossible, I'm just going through the motions of the day. Eating has become a rare thing for me. This is so hard, I hate it. I feel like crying but right now I can't my four kids are at home with me and my husband is at work. I try to watch tv, read books anything to take my mind off of things but it isn't working. My heart is slowly breaking into a million pieces.. Karen

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Karen, Before my wife passed 6 months ago, I felt the same way most days becuase I was scared of losing her too, which i did. HTis may or may not help you but when I got the blues and that was a lot I used to go outside at night and talk to God under the Stars. I screamed cried and cussed and apologize dfor cussing and i had a conversation. It helped. I hope you find the right kind of venting for fears and anger. There are a lot of them. throwing egggs at the woods also helps me. Sending Prayers and feel free to vent or wrrite for any reason you want. NEVER FEEL AS THOUGH YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE. Sending prayers for all of you.

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I would suggest seeing your family doctor and discussing what is going on with your world. You have four kids at home and a husband at work, you need to be a functioning part of the world. Talk honestly to your physician, maybe check into counseling and work on making it through the cloud of pain. There's no getting around it, you have to go through it, but anything that keeps you from functioning on a daily basis needs to be dealt with.

Good luck,


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Oh Karen, I am so, so sorry that you feel this way. I pray that God grants you peace to understand His ways, and to get through each day.

Cancer is such a terrible disease. It is a huge wave that crashes all in its path. Be sure to enjoy your kids, and know that your kids need you. Share your dad with your kids...they will love it!

God bless you Karen,


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