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My mother is over doing it on pain meds


mommasboy

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Hi all. I can't even imagine what it is like to have lung cancer and I do understand the taking pain meds is fine. My mother was just diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer and was prescribed all these pain pills, morphine etc. Well I think she is over doing it. We try to tell her not to drive for safety reasons and stay away from large crowds where germs can be pleny. She is not listening and on the meds is a totally different person. (mean sometimes)

Today my mother, heavily medicated decided to drive to the store (I was at work)and crashed into someone. Of course she got charge with a dui and is now spending the night in Jail? They wouldn't put her in her own cell nor give her a hospitol mask. She didn't have all her meds with her and has to do without.

I am worried and know she is getting addicted to the pain medications. She just revealed to us that she took 53 pills in two days. Does anyone have any advice or has experiences the same situation?

~Jay

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Jay,

I have no experience in this area at all. This is an outrage!

Do you have an attorney you can call to help bail her out to the comfort of her own bed where she belongs?

While I was going through treatment, I drove myself to my appointments and I did drive under the influence a couple of times. One afternoon, I actually "bumped" a few cars on the way home with just a whisper of my bumper. Lucky for me it was not worse. I don't consider it a criminal act per se, just a lapse in better judgement. When I did get home, I stumbled and hit my poor noggin on a window sill and ended up with a big black eye. I was sick, Jay. Sick of cancer, sick of chemos and radiation but not not a drug addict. I can see how an outsider might consider that there was some abuse going on. I don't think there was. Now, I seldom rely on any mood altering drugs to get me by.

As for the amount of pills she has been taking... Her doctor needs to be alerted. It sounds as if she is reaching for the first thing that will give her an escape from the mental hell of being diagnosed with lung cancer. I can completely relate. Her doctor needs to be made aware of her behavior. He/she may want to add a tranquilizer to her arsenal. This may take the edge of for her and allow her to function better. She may need an antidepressant Rx. Most of us do, I think. Also, ask regarding a support system for her at her treatment center. Often there will be someone with whom she may be able to work through her feelings. Everyone needs an understanding ear. Be gentle with her. This is her first time down this road too.

This is a first that I can remember here, Jay.

Cindi o'h

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I can not offer any advice on how to deal with this problem Jay But I can offer an idea for you and your Mom. Do you know of a friend that she could call for a ride possibly neighbor of Churchmember or other Family Member for a Ride when she needs one?

You could take all her car keys and give her a phone number of someone who could give her a ride. YOu would not have to have her surrender her license but just all car keys. And possibly the driver could hold the Keys to use her car occasionally with her in the Car with them.

This is just a thought but most reasonable if she does not listen to Onc about dosage and usage control.

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Isn't there someone who can administer her meds rather then she taking them on her own? These kinds of meds shouldn't be taken by the patient. Does someone go to her doctor's appointments with her that might know why they gave her all these pain meds?

My mom, dad and sister never touched there meds when they were on such heavey drugs.

You need to take her keys away. It's the right thing to do and the safe thing to do.

She is not in her right mind on these meds and she needs to be watched closely. Not to mention, being she is a stage IV she may even have brain mets or bone mets, etc.

I wouldn't worry about drug addiction, she is a very sick lady and I'm going to assume she's not doing well being on all those meds. Although you haven't really said why she is taking all the pain medication.

God bless you and I will keep you and your mom in my prayers.

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I would discuss every element of this situation with her doctors, pronto. She should not be medicating herself -- taking too much of one thing or little of another is probably not deliberate: it's not uncommon to have some memory issues as a result of meds and/or treatment. If it is deliberate, she needs professional support -- I see you mention that she is newly diagnosed and she's probably in a tailspin of emotion right now.

It's also not unheard of to have personality changes like you are describing -- that can make it difficult for you to reason with her yourself: you need someone independent, like the doctors, to intervene and order things like no driving with her. It's best to not be put in a position where she feels you are betraying her with the driving issue (been there myself)....she needs to feel you as supportive.

Keep us posted. Hopefully the police have had some compassion by now.

Linda

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My sister is in charge of doctors visits and meds after we thought she was going overboard. (53 pills in 2 days oxycodon,vikidin on top of morphine and what ever else) So my sister was giving her the daily recomended dosage. But my mom got in the accident when she secretely call in another prescription to get more pain meds in which my sister had and all she had to do is ask.

I live with my mother where as the other kids don't and I do notice her getting up like every 10-15 mins through out the night. When she would rest she actually thought she slept for hours and when she would wake up she would take more pills.

We will make the doctor aware of the problems and try to get her some support help but when she is medicated she goes from a sweet lady to a mean one and wants to do everything herself.

Thank you all for advice and I will keep ya posted. I am going to her court hearing today and hopefully get her out.

~Jay

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Jay,

I hope you talk to her drs. pronto! She needs to have her meds re-evaluated and the drs. need to know of this situation. Do you know exactly what meds. or is she being secretive about that as well? Unfortunately your mom can do whatever she wants to legally, the only way to have any "control" over the situation is to try to declare her "incompetent" and that is a very difficult thing to do, I know my mom did it w/ my grandmother and it was such an ordeal!

Also what kind of insurance does your mom have, because you can find out if she has a case manager thru her insurance to help her out. Your mom probably doesn't want anyone to tell her what to do, I understand that, the feeling of losing control is a devistating thing.

Grace

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Has your mom been evluated for brain mets? I ask that because if there was not former abuse of drugs this could be an explanation.

As to the dosage - I don't understand how she has that much medication. I am prescribed controlled substances in 30 day increments. If I take 53 pills in 2 days, I'm in trouble for the rest of the month. And her medication should be evaluated, usually multiple controlled substances are not provided to patients. I also agree with Cindy that an antidepressant might be in order.

I have been on morphine sulphate almost since diagnosis, I do drive and have never been "high" except for once where they injected morphine due to pain - (in that case I had a driver). The doctors have said there is no reason for me not to drive that morphine taken for pain does not make one high and is not addictive.

It is necessay to get the doctor and probably a social worker involved. All drugs and prescriptions need to be controlled by one person - and if you cannot get the control, you might need to look at setting up a guardianship for your mom.

Sorry you are haveing such a tough time of it.

Mary

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My mothers cancer is in both lungs and in her T7. Those are the only places at the moment. Her back was hurting her and thats why she has been prescribed all those pain meds. She is getting addicted and has been secretly calling in more refills beyond our controll.

We went to court today and it wasn't dui she was charged with but an old fine for something eight years ago and she just missed a month payment. It was a no bail. and they said her court wouldn't be till Thursday. We pleaded with like six diffrent people and got the judge to agree to let her out because of her daily radiation treatments and chemo. we just had to pay some of her fines. But her treatment is at 3pm PST and they cant start the process her release till 1pm so we are all stressed and hope the rush the release.

We called the oncology dept. and they are going to set her up on a pain management program. I hope everything is going work out.

Thank you all for your replies you all are helping me cope with things. I just wish my mom would get involved. I know you all would help her through.

God bless all of you.

~Jay

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Your mom should not be driving when she is taking all those meds. I drive exclusively for my wife, who is also on pain meds, and we get friends to drive for us also. You need to take her keys away from her before she hurts herself or someone else. Ths accident should be a wakeup call to all of you. Tough love is called for. Don

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My mother has 3 kids we all have a roll in helping her. We have tried to take keys away, monitoring meds, she gets driven to all her appointments. On her meds she is totally a diffrent person. She thinks we are all against her and gets mean. At least one of us is there at all times but there are times where sometimes maybe an hour or two nobody is there. My sister tried to take the keys yesturday before the accident but she kick her out of the car.

I do hope this is a wake up call to her because we are already aware. When she is medicated she has no clue about anything. She has been like this since three days after diagnosis. Like I have been reading in here she needs to understand her disease to fight it. But being in the heavily medicated state all the time, she know nothing, she barely knows any of her doctors names. I want her to get into a support group she says she should but then never goes through with it.

I know we are going to have to administer some tough love but I am afraid she will only think we are against her more. My sister in-law is a unit secretary at the hospitol where my mother recieves treatment. She has access to talk to the doctors who care for my mom. We will be strong and get this under control. I will keep you all updated.

Thank you again

~Jay

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Jay the only advise I have is from my Dad as a Manic Depressive. I know it seems harsh but in the world of denial and rebelious behaviour versus harm to yourself or someone else....it needs to be done.

Is there anyone that can give and control the medication for her outside the family? Do you think she will listen if the doctor tells her that "So&So is the only one who can give you this". Hide the bottles if needed to make this work for you, hide the keys, hide the money for cabs. It has to be done. Do it and don't feel badly about it, even if you have to get nasty right back at her or walk away from her.... In and out of physciatric hospitals we had to do this lot with my Dad before he accepted he was mentally ill. Although this is for a different reason with your Mom ... she has not accepted she is ill yet. Until she can accept this situation and live according to it's rules, these are a few steps you may have to take.

Maybe it's "someone else" that needs to tell her these things and new rules. Even now with the cancer we have to strong arm my Dad to tell the doctor things or call the doctor ourselves. When the doctor said he can't live on his own anymore, because he's deaf now and it wasn't said directly to his face.....it didn't happen. He felt he still had a choice to live alone or not ..... we called the doctor, told him the issue and he stood face to face and told him! The life line was "too much" in his books and unneccessary.....I mumbled that issue to the Cancer Assistant. She looked him straight in the face told him ... the next day they were hooking him up to life line.

You are too emotionally connected and maybe feeling like the kid in this ..... if you can't bare to strong arm her and use tough love ... see if someone else is willing to do the dirty work for you.

Hope that helps.

Tammy

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Best of luck in solving this terrible problem, Jay. People who "seek" opioids for cancer are doing it because they need better pain relief, not because they are addicts. So the pain management program referral is a great thing. I am confident they can help. Best wishes, Teresa

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