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5 months ago today


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Hugs received and returned. Thank you all so much. I know when I come here and I have a total meltdown and the tears just won't stop that you guys will understand. The entire cancer process as well as the grieving process is such an emotional roller coaster. One day I think I am doing better and then out of the blue I get hit with a thought, a memory, a smell, a certain date etc. and the pain is so intense and the grief becomes almost more than I can bear.

It seems that at 5 months I have made almost no progress. Things still sit much like they were, I still have all of Mike's things, I am still working through my own health issues, I still have no income, many bills and I still don't know where I am headed in the future. I have many house repairs to be done etc etc... It can all be so overwhelming and on top of it to have lost the love of my life who was with me for nearly 36 years .... It's hard, really hard. I appreciate all of you being there and I will try to be there for you. My heart and my prayers go out to each and every one of you. This is a rough road we travel and we really need each other here.

Love and Prayers,


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Sue, I so know where you are. I haven't done anything with Ken's things either, and just don't have a clue to when I will. I just feel that someday I will know its time. For now I just don't worry about it.

I don't know if anyone has told you that when you turn 60 you can draw widows benefit from Social Security. I was very surprised to find out I would get more from that than my own even, if I waited till my full retirement age. I know that doesn't help now, but it is good to know it will be there.

It hits me the hardest when during the day I hear something and I think "wait till I tell Ken that" only I can't. It really stinks being a widow.


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I am sending you the biggest hug ever. I understand the hurt you are feeling, the uncertainty and fear. 5 months is still so recent, I can't imagine feeling better in 5 months. It only reasonable to still feel like crap. Its ok that you have these meltdown days and vent. We love you. We will always be here for you.

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I am sending you hugs EVERY day, Sue, you know that, right? Extra hugs today with some from Fred and Teddy who gives the best of all! As far as not making any progress, of course you have. You have survived and progressed and gotten up every morning and made your way through each and every day. That, dear lady, is progress! Please be kind to yourself and be patient. Many are available to help buoy you up. Wish I was there in person to do it. Try to give yourself some credit, Sue........you are an amazing woman.



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