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Decision made


purplelady47

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Hello everyone ~

Being a cancer survivor is truly a full time job!!

Yesterday I was up before the birdies to get to the surgery center for my 6 am appointment for my port placement. Thankfully, everything ran on schedule and I was back home, laying on my couch by 11 am. The port site is sore when I touch it or lift my arm up above my chest, but the pain medication is taking care of this quite nicely.

Today I met with the chemo nurse and my oncologist to decide what to do next. I decided to join the Taxotere with talabostat clinical trial http://www.cancer.gov/search/ViewClinic ... id=2520693

My only question regarding the clinical trial was if I could get the Neulasta injections the day after my chemo infusion or if I had to wait until my counts dropped. The nurse spoke with the clinical trial folks and she was told that all injections could be given at the investigator's discretion. So I can get the injections before they are needed (as prescribed by my oncologist). It's really important that I do everything that is possible to prevent infections - I know that my young son is exposed to so many potential infections in school. Once that was decided, then I had to get another CT scan of my chest and abdomen along with some bloodwork. I will begin chemo on Tuesday and then every three weeks after that.

I know that having a good attitude helps but I must admit that it's been more difficult this second time around. I look at what so many folks have been through and I think "Buck up Pam - put on your big girl panties and deal with it!".

But it is hard and I just haven't found the right attitude yet. I am tired of all this medical crap, I am tired of needing help, I am tired of being a "good patient" and I am tired of being brave.

WWWWAAAHHHHHHH!!!! I suppose I should offer up some cheese with that whine. :roll:

Needless to say, I asked for a prescription for an anti-depressant today. :wink: I am hoping that helps to adjust my attitude.

Thank you to everyone for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me so I could make an informed decision.

Gratefully,

Pam in FL

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Hi Pam,

I'm glad things went smoothly for you and I so hear your "I'm sick of...". I found the port gave me no pain at all - but I was very badly bruised. My entire right breast was purple. Just Monday at chemo the nurse ws saying that my port was placed extremely well - you cannot see it at all, you need to find it by feel.

I know after I began chem, I changed the rules in my house - no hugs and kisses. We wave and blow kisses. For the holidays, I made everyone I was seeing get a flu shot and didn't even get to see two of my young nieces because they had colds. When someone comes into my house, I just routinely ask them to wash their hands. I don't want to be rude, but knowing I have had very low white counts at times puts me a too great a risk. I also stay out of stores and public places when my counts are low. And in general try to go during non peak hours.

With a child, you have so much more potential of exposure - if he gets sick, do the masks help at all?

I was put on Lexapro by my first radiation oncologist. He simply said you, or anyone confronted with this needs a mood elevator from now on. I've been taking it ever since and I feel up 99% of the time. One suggestion, if you were to get the lexapro, ask for 20mg instead of 10mg and get a pill cutter. You'll save a lot of money.

Good luck and hope you feel better.

Mary

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Go, Pam!

I like that we don't always have to be "up" here. Yes, I think attitude is important, but it is EXHAUSTING to have to be a peppy little Pollyanna all the time.

You keep kicking fanny on this treatment course. I think it is very smart of you to utilize what the drs offer. Like the song says, sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug. It's good that we have some help to get us through the rough spots.

:) Kelly

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Sounds like you made a very well-informed decision and things are moving in the right direction.

As for the attitude thing--Sure it helps, but it takes time to be ready to put those big girl panties on sometimes. Take your time. You aren't crying in your cheerios or staying in bed all day. You're proactively living your life.

Keep us posted!

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(((((((((((((PAM))))))))))))))

With all that's going on for you, I have to say you sound pretty darn good over the internet! :wink:

I'm very happy to hear you agreed to a trial. I know if it were me, I would try darn near anything they would throw at me if I thought I had a chance of beating it. We never know, and I'm going to keep you in my prayers and I'm going to send you some positive vibes.

Hang in there, and keep us posted. Glad to hear the port went well for you.

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Pam,

How can you even think that you're whining?? You are such a strong person and take everything in stride. So you're having a bad day and your tired of this shi_... who could blame you? Things will brighten up for you soon..

Me.. I'd still be laying on the couch singing the blues about the port hurting me.. I wouldn't be able to type, an entire blues band would be set up in my living room for accompaniment. :shock:

I admire your courage Pam, you'll get through this.

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One day at a time, Pam. Who says some of those days can't be whining days? I found that once treatment got into full gear, my own whining cut down substantially because it was a full-time job keeping track of all that was happening. Whine all you want, then fight, fight, fight!

Hope the treatment treats you kindly.

Trish

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Sounds to me like you are doing great!! Attitude is so important in this fight, but sometimes you just need to have a down day..let yourself and don't feel bad, just start the next day with a new resolve to fight!

As my FIL's oncologist told him - it is very important to have a good attitude and to want to fight, but the chemo meds will do what they need to do whether you are having a positive day, or a down day!!

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Pam,

I completely agree with the others. You do have a great attitude. Having a great attitude doesn't mean that you have to like everything that comes your way. Part of having a great attitude is blowing steam and saying "I don't like this." And asking for antidepressants is being proactive as well. You may not hit bottom, but who wants to get so low that it will ruin your attitude and your will to do these necessary treatments?You are taking care of yourself by doing all of the things necessary to win the battle. To me, that is what having a great attitude is all about. You are not a victim. I don't hear any of that in your post. You are getting ,r done.

Good job...in fact, great job!

Cindi o'h

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Miss Pam,

You did the right thing! Way to go girl. You are aware of how you feel, know that being a cancer survivor is actually a job in itself, and are on the right track. May God bless you with peace, continued strength, and of course FOREVER NO CANCER!

God bless,

jen

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Everyone here is so nice and supportive. I don't know what I would do without this group.

The lexapro is doing its job - for the last 8 months there has been a huge sign in the front of my brain with thousands of blinking lights (like the signs in Las Vegas) that said "YOU HAVE CANCER" 24/7. With the lexapro, the sign is still there, but now it says you have cancer. Now that the sign is much smaller, I am feeling much better.

I find myself with unexpected free time - my son is going to stay overnight at a friend's tonight and then go to Busch Gardens tomorrow. I made plans to have an evening out with the girls tonight and will spend tomorrow shopping with a friend.

I am feeling better and stronger, both physically and mentally. I am very grateful to everyone here - you have made a huge difference in my journey!

With a gentle hug,

Pam in FL

:D

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:wink: Sounds Like you have a very good new "Normal" Going on. Do not forget the new shoes when you go shopping; :lol: ,and sounds like you have all your thughts together and a great game plan. Sending a prayer. Be safe on Girls Nite out. 8)
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It sounds like you are doing fine Pam. I think that part of having a good attitude is letting people and yourself know when you are tired of it all.

The people around me tell me I have a "good attitude" and I am not shy at all about letting them know that I am tired of chemo. I am going to see my onc this Tuesday and I will ask for the 20 mg size of lexapro. The copay is the same and you get twice as much. Good luck with your treatment Pam.

Don M

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