Jump to content

Mom only responds to me........


Guest kathleen

Recommended Posts

Guest kathleen

Any of you experience this with your loved one? My Mom won't get out of bed or eat for anyone but me. My Dad couldn't get her out of bed all day yesterday. I went over after work and had her up in 10 minutes! When I take care of her she gets up in the morning and eats breakfast with me. When my Dad or sister care for her she won't even talk to them, let alone get up.

Why is this? I feel terrible when I can't be with her. I am there most of the time anyway but when I am at work or can't be there I feel so guilty and bad that I can't be there because she and I are so good together. I have no problem taking care of her all by myself. My Dad and sister can't hardly manage it together.

I feel so bad that I can't be there all the time, that she will decline faster if I am not there. Even a phone call from me works!

How do we know how much time? She sleeps all the time if I'm not there. The past four nights she has not even tried to get up to the bathroom. How much time? Anyone have any ideas?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Kathleen,

I really don't know the answers to your question but perhaps your mom is more comfortable with you? I know you cannot be there 24-7 and please try not to feel guilty because it sounds as if you are doing everything you can. You said she even responds well to a phone call from you so maybe on the days you can't be there a phone call will help?

It's so difficult, isn't it..

Maybe the times you are there you can reinforce with her the need for her to get up for meals and to let your dad and sis help her do this.

Most of all, just continue to be as supportive as you are and know that there are lots of prayers being said!

Hang in there,

Libby

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest kathleen

thanks Libby! I guess I was more looking to express rather than for answers anyway. This whole thing is breaking my heart. I see her do things when I am there. She laughs with me. Whenever I am not there they tell me how bad she is. Its like they don't believe me when I tell them the things we talked about or special moments. At least my Dad see's the response I get. But then I am sad for him. He and my Mom are 85 years old. They have known each other since they were about 3 years old.

They attended the same 1 room schoolhouse together! I worry about him when she is gone. Mom is like me, very social and lots of friends to lean on. My Dad and I are very close so that is a very good thing. I just got married and it is so hard to be so happy on one hand and so sad on the other. But I am pleased both of my parents were there with us on our special day. We have told Dad we will take him camping with us and that we have a bedroom and bathroom for us in our house.

I guess it doesn't matter how old they are - they are still our loved one and if they were a hundred and ten it would still hurt like hell.

I almost go through separation anxiety when I am not with her. I know its not true, but I feel like no one can care for her like I can. When I hear things are not going well with them when I am not there it really upsets me. For me it is second nature to care for her. I don't treat her as though she is any different now than ever.

Her speech has been affected by the mets to the brain and the WBR. She knows what she wants to say but it is hard for her to finish a sentence. My best friend doesn't deserve this. None of our loved ones and best friends deserve this. I wish we could take this ugly disease out of commission!!!!

oh, more venting. Sometimes I feel it is oozing out of my skin. I can rant and rave with the best of them!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That's how my mother was when she had the confusion with brain mets. I was usually the only person who could calm her.

You can't be there all the time. This is so hard to deal with. Your father and sister are there and will do what they can. There's no way to tell how much time there is left. Make sure you are still taking care of yourself. This is a very exhausting and confusing time. There's no right or wrong way to do things. I wish we all had a written guidline on how to deal. I wish you and your mother the best. Please take care of yourself and we are all here for support when you need it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, Kathleen...you just go ahead and rant like the rest of us! This disease affects everyone that it touches and it is heartbreaking to not be able to fix every darn thing.

I had to smile when I read that your mom and dad have known one another since they were mere children...mine too! My dad is gone now and I won't lie and say it was easy for my mom but she did ok by the grace of God and with all of us to help support her. When the time comes (and no one knows or can predict *when* ), your dad will be comforted by your caring, love and support.

Sometimes the dynamics of the family get all screwed up when an illness creeps in...it almost sounds as if your sis is afraid and is having problems handling things..she is probably scared too. You on the other hand, take charge and as you said, treat your mom no differently. Believe me, that's a true blessing for your mom.

You are so right in that NO ONE deserves any of this and I wish none of us had to deal with cancer but we do and we will all do *the best we can*

Please remember to take care of you too.

We are here for you..always

Hugs and prayers

Libby

Link to comment
Share on other sites

((((((((Kathleen))))))))

I know it must make you feel really bad to be away from your Mom, since she responds so well to you. I'm sure that she understands that you have things that you need to do...Mom's are just like that. We always seem to know and understand when it comes to our children. I have found that often a patient will have one particular person that seems to really cheer them up! I'm sure you're the apple of your Mom's eye and can always make her smile. This must be very hard on you right now. Not only are you worrying about your Mom but are also worrying about how all of this will affect your Dad. What a special love they must have after all of these years together! You are so fortunate to have had them with you for so many years. Kathleen, please know that I am remembering you and your Mom and Dad in my prayers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kathleen,

My Mom and I were like this too. I work in the Medical field, so both her and Dad valued my input. She would do anything I suggested. Dad always called me to come over when something was just not right. Luckily we lived close. I also go a cell phone so that I could always be just a call away. Near the end it was me who helped Mom shower and stuff. I was honored that she relied on me so much and I enjoyed doing things for her. Enjoy your moments together and cherish them, you two have a special bond.

Faylene

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.