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Grieveing already...


Guest kathleen

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Guest kathleen

Mom's condition has declined since last week. She is so quiet, not speaking. She doesn't get out of bed unless Hospice comes to get her up. She seems so sad and far away. I don't know how much time there is but it seems to me it can't be that long.

Just last week she was getting up to have breakfast with me and now she doesn't speak. It is so difficult. I want to take her pain away. I can't imagine a day without my sweet Mom. She is the best person I've ever know. I don't care if she is 85 years old. My life will never be the same again.

She is my best friend and always has been. This has been the worst and best year of my life. The day Mom was diagnosed I began living with my folks. I spent that time asking questions, going through pictures, taking her out to lunch, shopping, watching our favorite old shows, crawling into bed with her at night.

Its not the same now, she doesn't respond. I know she is in pain. Family has been very difficult. My Dad is so sad. My siblings come home to help (they live far away) but it is almost worse when they are here. My sister and I are complete oposites. I hate it when she is here because then I don't have that time with Mom. My sister can "only take" a few days. So she spends hundreds of dollars flying in her for 6 days at a time every month. My brother is in another story. I have been my Mom's advocate all this time and I have never gotten even a thank you for living with Mom and Dad. Everytime I explain something I get shot down and argued with.

This is all babble. There is so much I don't know where to begin. I just got married almost three weeks ago. So grateful to have both my parents with me. So sad to know my Mom will be leaving us soon. So happy to have found the love of my life after 40 years. So sad that my Mom will not live long enough to spend Christmas with us - our favorite time together.

My Mom, Dad and I have been the three muskateers for so long. What do you do when its just the two muskateers left? How will life ever measure up to when she was here? How will I survive never holding her hand again and hearing her laugh? How will I ever live the rest of my life without her in it?

I know you don't have the answers, but these are things I cannot discuss with my siblings. Luckily I have a wonderful husband and a big circle of friends. But somehow, I still need this outlet because I know you all understand how much this hurts- and for that I am so very sorry.

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It is hard... It is so hard to watch your Mom slip away bit by bit and for things to already not be the same. I so remember that. I vividly remember one day in particular right after Mom was signed onto hospice... My Aunt was visiting and she pulled some primo Drama stuff on Dad and I.... And Dad was angry at me for not keeping the house up better.... And all I wanted was to go cry to Mom, and she was already too far gone for me to do that. It hurt so badly.

This is a good place to come. There are people here who 'get it.' It's hard and it hurts like nothing else in the world could to see someone you love so much suffer and slip away.

((((((hugs)))))) to you, and prayers. Be with her and revel in the moments where she shows you a *hint* of her old spark--I called them the Mom moments. Hold her hand, rub her feet, watch the movies you always watched together, listen to her favorite music, and cherish these last precious moments.

And when you need to cry to people who 'get it' just a little bit, we're here.

Val

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(((Kathleen)))

I don't have any answers or advice for you. I don't know how to begin to tell you how you go on without someone who owns such a big piece of your heart. If you figure that out, please tell me too.

But, through this terrible time, through the grieving and the tears, we are here for you. It is ok to feel like hell (you're going through it, might as well accept that you will feel like it), it is ok to cry and vent. We understand, and we are here.

No words of wisdom, just a willingness to listen and love unconditionally.

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Kathleen,

It is so difficult to see someone you love suffer and not being able to do a damn thing about it. But please take solace in knowing that you being there for your mom is one of the best things in the world for her right now. Treasure all the moments, the simplest of things, the quiet, the ordinary, brief moments are precious.

Don't worry about your siblings, it isn't about them, someone very wise once told me, "you are not your family", it took me sometime to get it, but I got it.

Please vent all you want to, you need to and I too am so happy to know that this wonderful place and people are so understanding.......

Grace

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Guest kathleen

thanks you guys. It helps that you "get it" and Carleen I know what you are going through is so difficult and I hope in time your heart will heal. I know it will never forget but I pray for peace for you everyday.

It stinks being a grown up!!!!!!!!!!!$#!^&%!

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Oh, Kathleen, if only I had words that would soothe the ache of your heart!

Your intuition is probably correct. Your mom has little time left. She sounds like she's almost at the comatose stage, but she still can hear you, so continue to talk to her. Read her favorite book; pray with her, if you like. Soothe her skin with lotion and moisten her mouth a bit.

This is so hard. It is difficult not to feel your siblings are stealing your time with your mom, but although they have issues, let them have their time, too. Don't expect them to be what they are not - the appreciation you deserve may never be expressed from them. Some people continually disappoint me, and I set myself up for it all the time. Don't go there!

You have done so much for your parents! It will never be the same, but you and your dad probably will always be close.

I wish you well in the days and weeks ahead.

~Karen

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Kathleen,

Cancer is such a beast. I have said a million times that it robs us of normalcy, and of the things that give us peace, hope, and love. You are going through such an emotional time right now, and I am so, so glad that you have your new husband, and your friends.

My mom too is my best friend in the world. We talk every day, numerous times, and it sounds like you have a similar relationship with your mom. Life would NEVER be the same without here, and for that I am so, so, sorry. Stay strong and know that your mom, though not the same she used to be, is still very much a part of who you are, and what makes you "tick" every day. That is one blessing that our moms give us...they will forever be a part of us.

I pray that you are granted peace in this difficult time, and that God gives you answers to a situation that seems just so unimaginable.

God bless,

Jen

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Kathleen, I am so sorry that one of the happiest times of your life (marriage) is being mixed with the sadness and fear of seeing your mother struggle with this terrible disease. I know that the time you have spent with your mom and dad will be something that you will always cherish. In almost every family, there is one sibling that seems to be able to handle the situation and do what has to be done. In your family, you're obviously the strong and dedicated child. When Dennis was gravely ill, our youngest son had a very hard time coming home. I was very angry about this and almost felt deserted by him. He and his dad were always so very close and it just wasn't like him to stay away. Finally, one night close to the end, he burst out in tears and said he just couldn't stand to see his dad this way.

Then...I "got it". Kathleen, I did start grieving before Dennis even died. I think most of us did, whether we realized at the time what was happening. Just remember that we love you and are keeping you, your mom and dad in our prayers. I know this is so hard for a loving daughter like you to bear!

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I'm sorry that you have to endure such heartache along with other problems but that is usually the case. Few times do we face just one problem at a time. You will make it but it won't be easy. For now just cheerish every minute you have with you parents even the bad ones. Look back at this past year and be thankfull that you were able to be there for her.

You found your love now. That is a gift you will be able to hold on to. YOur new husband will be with you to see you through this. I think finding him now was no accident. Take care and come here whenever you need to. YOu will find much love and support in this special place.

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