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chemo no longer available to Mom

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So sorry things are going downhill. Words can't express how badly I feel for you.

How do you talk about death when she refuses to accept it?

You don't. I went through this with my Mother 22 years ago. I made the mistake of telling her that she would soon see all of our relatives that had gone before her and that in a blink of an eye (in heaven's terms) we would ALL be together again. I never thought that set too well with her. She stayed in denial until the end. I've regretted that comment for 22 years. I was 27 at the time and maybe not as wise as I should have been. You have to go with whatever HER flow is, not what WE want it to be. It is her death that is happening and unfortunately out of our control.

How do you give up when she hasn't given up?

It's hard, but do-able. My Mom talked about her need to eat a little more and get up and about the night before she died. I just went along with her program. Most of the time we just sat and talked about whatever she wanted to discuss. I followed her lead at the end. She wanted to talk about my kids a lot of the time and that was okay by me. Privately my family and I prayed for her to go to God and be out of her pain. It was a hard time to shift our prayers from a miracle to just wanting her to go home to the Lord.

The odd thing was, on the night she died at home, I went up to her closet to see about something for her to wear for the funeral. Hanging in her closet was just a very few "everyday" clothes and ONE dress. She knew she was dying and had cleaned out her closet, but would never acknowledge her dying to anyone else in the family. I think the inability to discuss one's own death may happen to many people.

Hope this perspective from one who has been there helps you. May God bless you at this difficult time.


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OH Melinda, Iam so sorry it has come to this.

I just pray they can keep your mom comfortable and pain free. She faught one h*ll of a fight.

You have been a wonderful daughter, right by her side. I know how much this hurts. This is your mom and we only have one. Just be with her all you can and know in your heart of hearts that she will always have that special place just reserved for moms.

Praying for a miracle.


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debbie and I had a conversation about 3 weeks before she passed. Been so long Ido not know how it started but I HTink it had to do with paying for Alimta/Avastin If I remember correctly. She said she was tired of all this @#$% and that if she saw the light she was going to the light. She would not look for the light though. But if she saw it she would go to it.

The Following is From a book I found on Debs sie of the Bed after she passed and is about the Fear of dying.

Please be assured that your loved ones will meet you on the other sideso there is no reason to hold on to your fear of dying If you will keep in your mind that Love and Love alone is the reason for living, It will calm your heart and free you from your worries.

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Guest chickaroonie


Having a similar experience to yours. Can only give you small ideas...but it is working for us. Mom asked for hospice in her home about a month ago. since we wanted her to be pain free, this was a good choice. She is 84 & had chemo & Avastin since March. We find she enjoys hair brushing, back rubs. eating ice chips, cantalope, chicken rice soup, ham salad- all in tiny amts. We recently switched to swizzle sticks rather than straw for pedialyte or water. She has had morphine in cherry applesauce when they have to re dress her open wound from leg blood clot- muscle exposed. The nurse aide from hospice comes 3 times a wk to give bed baths. Mom finally gave in to having a catheter as it was difficult to get up several times a night. She sleeps alot. but we have enjoyed all her attempts to give us her jewelry fairly...I'm wearing her high school ring she gave me today. She has given me pcs to pass on to my daughter when I feel the time is right.We were able to not make this a miserable time. If she didn't have a story for a pc., we made one up. We were able to smile & show her how much we value her sentimental attachments- well, not all, but most.

We use a microwavable bed buddy for tummy comfort. Also lavender scented booties that can be heated in micro. She is able to see her backyard, bird feeder, sometimes some bunnies or butterflies.She enjoys the hometown newspaper and cards from friends. Mom does not enjoy music or tv.We 2 daughters take turns sleeping in her rm.A live in caregiver sent from heaven above sleeps in Dad's rm.Dad is abit confused most of the time, & may not fully understand what is going on. We take one day at a time with both mom & dad & are grateful to have this special time with them. I try not to look beyond that next 24 hr period. It just makes it all more bearable.

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