EastCoastLadi Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 The doctor called today, I knew it wasn't going to be good. He called on a holiday. It is not good, it is bad. His 3rd line of treatment isn't working, his 2nd didn't work, but this time, I can't even think straight!!! His tumors are growning, all of them, but the major one, in his lung has almost doubled in size. I love my husbands' oncologist, he is so caring and passionate about my husbands' fight. But I knew in the sound of his voice, it isn't good. He wants to confer w/ a couple of other onc. to see what they can come up with. Sure there are other options, but nothing has really worked, only the pci for his brain mets. Oh god are they going to come back again. Is this that corner that I so loathe turning? I'm so selfish, I'm crying because how bad I feel. But, my husband is devistated, i can see it in his eyes. He's getting more tired. It's getting difficult for him to do things. But he is trying, he tells me there is too much to do in this house. He's not going back to work. He's trying to spend more time with the girls, teaching them life lessons, showing and showering them with his love. I hate the fact I know why. God I've prayed enough, my mother has prayed everyday all year, do you exist, do you even hear? i can't believe i have to type this i can't believe this is happening what is going to happen now? i can't take this much longer i can't hide the pain, sorrow and fear i can't have faith in God, when i/we have been let down so much i'm losing it, and i can't, my children need me, i have to be the rock. how can i not look at my husband and know the enevitible? time is running out, i don't know how much, i will fight, even if my husband ends up hating me with avengance, it doesn't matter. If i can find him a way to be around longer, for however that may be... i have to find it.... UPDATE***** Doc. called this after, confered w/ thor. onc in Boston, my husband is going on oral etoposide for anywhere from 2 - 3 weeks. Looking into insurance info. Dr. wants me to monitor my husband for any unusual activities, in the area of mental...such as is he slurring on words, not comprehending things. He wants to do another brain MRI soon. Thank you all for your prayers and support, they truly do mean alot to me..... Grace Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mary v Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, I don't know what to say. I wish I could put my arms around you...this is such hell! You ask if God can hear you-my Christian instincts want to tell you, "yes" but I ask the same question for myself every day! I'll pray anyway for your family tonight. Your tears are my tears. Mary V. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tnmynatt Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, I am so sorry you are going through this. It brings back very bad memories for me. Charlie had several failures in a row (3 one time and 2 another). However, he did respond on the 4th attempt and his 8th line treatment was a major success, also. A good response is still possible. Just my opinion, I do believe there is a God and that he loves you...us. I believe we will understand later just how important our struggles and our husband's struggles were to others. There have been lives changed and that are being changed. My prayers will continue for your husband and for you and your family. I understand what you are going through. Rely on the Lord. He will give you incredible strength and peace...it happened to me. This is such a tough time. Please try to keep fighting and keep the faith. I know it's difficult. I just wanted the nightmare to end on the one hand, but for a miracle on the other. We had miracles and other incredible experiences. Didn't mean to ramble or preach. This is difficult. I hope I helped you rather than getting on your nerves. God bless you! Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wyogirl Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Oh, Grace, I'm so sorry. I remember feeling the same way when my dad's treatments weren't working and his tumors were growing. It's awful. I will send up prayers for you and your family. Wish I could do more. Laura Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, I'm so very sorry to hear this news, but I'm praying that the doctors will come up with something that works. God Bless you and yours. Love and prayers, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsC1210 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, I am so sorry about this latest news. Please know you and your family are in my prayers. Grace, there is still HOPE. Please remember that. As long as his oncologist is conferring with the other doctors there is HOPE. As hard as this is, you will make it through this. You will find the strength and your husband will not hate you for keeping up the search, the fight for the magic bullet! And, remember too, we are all here for you and we will all do whatever we can to help you. Sending you love, hugs, and prayers, lots and lots of prayers, Chris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jendew Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 I agree with Tina. When my father's treatments didn't work and the cancer came back with a vengeance, I went through a few weeks where I was angry at God. I couldn't understand why this was happening to my father. However, three weeks ago day he passed and I have been able to find the reason for his death and struggle even though I didn't know what it was at the time. My father's struggle was a testimony of his faith to many people, and they were so touched by that. My brother even joined our church on Sunday and that's a feat in itself. Anyway, I say all of this to let you know that while you don't understand why, God has never left you. He is there holding you both through this process. I am so very sorry that you are having to face this. Jenny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kreed70 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace~ I'm so sorry. When I read your name at the end of you post a comforting verse came to my mind: God tells us that His grace is sufficient. He knows all the things that we can't do, feel, believe at times like these so He supplies. As another post said, don't mean to get preachy it's just the truth. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieB Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 I'm so sorry. I am praying for a new gameplan, a new successful gameplan. My heart hurts for you. Keeping your husband, you and your children in my prayers, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, I remember how very very difficult it was when we got that news about Earl. I have no magic words, just stay close, tell him how much you love him and how you will be alright. My heart aches for you right now. Remember, there are many here holding your hand during this sad journey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 ((((((Grace)))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Oh Miss Grace, I don't know what to say. May God grant you his peace. Love and prayers, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, I am so sad for you. I pray that they find something that will work. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Q Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, Stop it, right now! Focus on the consult coming up. There may still be a treatment for your DH! If not, gear yourself up for a second opinion. Start doing some research about clinical trials, etc. Be his advocate! You may, indeed, have to face the truth that not much more can be done, but let's wait until we actually hear those words, and get it confirmed, as long as your DH is willing to fight. I sympathize with you. You are not alone. ~Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ry Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 The oncologist did not call and say there was no hope. When he says he has nothing left to try and he has exhausted all his options-- then we'll talk about that corner. I know this is hard...but keep hoping that the 4th time may be the magic bullet, or the 5th. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Char81062 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, I've read all the posts from the wonderful people on this forum and one thing rings through..... that we are all sending love, hugs, prayers and above all strength to get through whatever may lay ahead. No one knows what God's plan is, or when he has decided to call someone home but I have to believe there is a reason and a purpose for everything. I feel for you because when I found out my Mom had sclc I cried for days and I just can't imagine the depth of all that you feel in these days. I want my Mom here just like you want your husband there. That does not make us selfish, it makes us human. Please accept my good thoughts and prayers for you and your entire family. -Char Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Oh, Grace.. Your heartbreak is palpable and I am praying so hard for your husband and your family. Gentle hugs and please know, we are here. My heart hurts for you. Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Oh, Grace, I am so sorry for this news. It just stinks. I pray that the Drs can find a plan. Please take care of yourself. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tatlyn Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 We are here to help lift you up Grace and I know that so many prayers are coming your way. One day at a time, one minute at time if need be, focus on now and hold hope close. Many prayers for strengh, comfort and peace. (((Grace))) Lynda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Grace, I'm so sorry about the new growth. I get it, we got the bad news last week. I just get so frustrated, angry and sad all at the same time now. Why is it that some types of this cancer whether it be SCLC or NSCLC can grow so damn fast???? Arghhhhhhhhhh!!! I truly "feel your pain" right now and will keep you and your husband in my prayers between my raging emotions. That corner you mention is a scary one to turn and let us hope for both of our sakes that neither one of our husband's has truly made the turn! Stay strong sister. Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelofcharlie20 Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 (((Grace))) Good Lord - I am speechless. Your post definitely moved me. I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. I cannot even begin to imagine the position you're in right now and honestly do not know if I would be able to handle it as well as you have so far. I know that it seems like there is no hope, but there must be something else out there for your husband. I know you like your onc. lots, but maybe if he can't drum up anything a second, third opinion are in order. Praying for more uplifting news and strength for you and your family. Best, Shirley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonjo Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 Grace, My heart is aching for you. I lost my 28 year old son last August to osteosarcoma after a horrendous 2 year battle which included 2 major surgeries to remove his right eye and most of the bone from the right side of his face; extensive chemotherapy and radiation which almost killed him (he contracted necrotizing fasciitis and was not expected to survive long enough for the cancer to kill him); peg tube for feeding, colostomy, and skin grafting. His tumor never went into remission, yet he never stopped fighting! About 2 months before his death, the tumor was encroaching on his brain and he lost vision in his remaining eye. I too could not believe that this was happening and didn't know how to cope with everything. I prayed constantly and never lost my faith in God even though he didn't save my son. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even the bad, terrible things like cancer. I don't know the reason for my son's suffering or your husband's either, but I do believe there is a reason. I just prayed for the strength (for me and my son) to get through whatever was in store for us. I believe that God answered my prayers because my son was kept out of pain and dealt with everything with much more calmness and finesse than I did. He never once complained throughout his entire ordeal. I am glad to hear that there are more options for your husband and will pray for a good response to the Etoposide. As hard as it is - try to stay positive and don't give up hope! My son's oncologist told me that "where there's life, there's hope." God bless you and your family! Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TracyD Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 Grace, I'm so sorry to hear this news, it must be very frightening to think that nothing is working. Please do not give up hope, as so many have said, maybe the 4th or even 5th treatment will be the ticket. I have read many profiles on this board of people for whom 1st and 2nds didn't work but then a 5th or even 7th one did. I know I am naive in saying to hang in there as I have not been in yours and your husbands shoes myself, and I cannot truly fathom the depth of your fear (though I can imagine it), but as long as you have other treatments to consider and the will to try them, there is always hope. Please go out and find them. I will be praying for you. Tracy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 Grace, if it helps any deb had 6 good months with Etoposide. Pill taken at home was not too hard on her as I recall. She would have started alimta Avastin the day she passed. Sending Prayers for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 Grace: I'm so sorry you and your family are dealing with this situation. Praying the Etoposide does what your husband needs it to do. Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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