guilt and living a distance from an ill parent -- UPDATE

[gail p-m]

I just can't write my story "on line"; just can't. I'm wondering if there is anyone else who has lost a parent to lung cancer who lived a distance away and after the parent "passed" had a major "guilt trip" laid upon them by a sibling who lived close to the ill parent. The major guilt trip would have been due to the fact that I could not be there on anywhere near a regular basis to take Dad to doctor's appts, to check him "in person" when he had medical problems... Can't say more about it now. Would prefer to receive pm's. (Am having a very, very hard time dealing with this).

gail p-m

[gail]

I don't have any answers for you, but just wanted to say I've been thinking about you and wondering how life was.

I believe we are both Gail's and both teach third grade! I had kids for the first time today and thought about you.

hugs

gail

[Don Wood]

The problem is with your sibling, not you. I know that doesn't ease the pain. Whenever there is a critical health issue or death in the family, family members tend to go a little crazy and say and do things they wouldn't otherwise. I hope you can forgive your sibling their shortcomings, drop the guilt and move on. Don

[lilyjohn]

Yes Gail I've been there but the guilt trip was laid on by myself. There is much more to it then that. I have to go to work shortly but when I get home tonight I'll PM you. I know how hard some of those guilt trips can be and I know too how undeserved they can be in some and well deserved in others who don't have them. Lillian

[gail p-m]

I want to thank ALL of you who responded to me on the message board and with PM's . I've been overwhelmed by your joint wisdom and caring. You've given me much food for thought -- as a matter of fact, I printed them out and took the replies with me to my counselling session.

I will be replying to many of you but right now I'm dealing with having to put "down" my 14 year old dog tomorrrow. She is my best friend. When it rains, it pours but I'll get through it.

Again, thank you so much for caring. I so appreciate each and every one of you.

gail p-m

[Kasey]

Sorry........................mistaken post!

[ma's kid]

Dearest Gail,

Just wanted you to know I have been thinking of you and this guilt thing is a supreme waste of time! Easy to say, huh..but really Gail, don't allow that *negative* energy anywhere near your beautiful heart!

I am sorry you are going through this.

Love you,

Libby