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new here and seeking advice


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I am so glad that I found this message board and have read a lot of posts and found so much useful info.

My mother in law was just diagnosed several weeks ago. She has lung cancer and is in phase 4. It has spread to her lymph nodes, liver, bone marrow and blood.

I belive that she knew that she was sick for quite some time and she never went to the dr until one day she was just too weak to get up. She had dropped weight to 90 pounds before she started chemo.

She is trivializing the entire thing. She told everyone that she had a small spot on the outside of her lung and that was it. My brother in law is in remission from non hodgkins lymphoma. He was able to obtain some records from the dr and found out just how progressed it was.

He said that he spoke to the dr a few days ago and the dr said that she is termimal and that at best the chemo can buy her a few extra months. My father in law says that the drs say that she has a good chance of beating this.

She was very adamant about not wanting any treatments at all. My husband and father in law practically forced her to go start chemo last week.

Right now she is really weak and has been in bed for weeks before she even started her chemo. She is anemic, not eating and can barely sit up in bed and can hardly walk with someone practically carrying her.

My husband and I can't get any time off of work unless it is life or death so we spend our weekends helping them and are not able to get to any of the dr appointments or chemo sessions.

Has anyone ever heard of someone recovering from this with having spread so much?

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Yes, it has happened but she must also have the will to beat this. Unfortunately, your mother in law seems much too weak at this point and doesn't seem to want to fight this.

You also have to respect her wishes. You cannot force someone into treatment if they do not want it. If she really decides she does not want treatment then just be there for her as much as you can and show her how much you love her.

I really do not have any answers for you as she seems very advance at this point and very weak.

I am just so sorry she waited so long before getting herself checked out. As far as them not telling you how advanced it is, they were just trying not to worry you. Either that or she just cannot accept that she is terminal

I really do not know what to tell you except it is in G-ds hands. I pray for a turn around for her.

I want you to know that you are not going through this alone as we are here for you. I know how scared you must be. We have all been there and many have walked in your shoes.

If she decides she wants to fight this thing, then give her all the positive motivation you can. She will need positive people around her.

Keep the faith as faith does not get you around trouble, it helps get you through it.

We are always here for you.


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Hi and welcome Morgan,

I am so sorry for all that you family is going through. Anything thing is beatable, just look at the survivors on this board!

I truly believe that the mind can heal the body, combine that with a good treatment plan and I like the odds.

I hope and pray that your mother in law regains her strength and will to combat this illness with great success.

My best thoughts and wishes to you and your family,


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There are lots of discrepancies in what your MIL and your husband was told. However, she shouldn't be forced to have treatmiet if she doesn't want to. If she forgoes it, she should know the risks she's taking. It's really something that you should all discuss, and she has to be included in the discussion.

I hope it all works out for your family.

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I am sorry to hear of your MIL's diagnosis. It sounds like the biggest threat to her right now is not the lung cancer but being bed-ridden and not eating- you say she's anemic. She needs to eat and drink especially during chemo or she is going to become dehydrated.

Also, as a caregiver I feel for your FIL, he needs some help. See if you and your husband can work out a schedule of what needs to be done--laundry, cooking, mowing, etc.-- this is hard on him too.

Welcome to the site.

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My mother in law does not want to fight this. I do understand that they are not trying to worry anyone. The last time that her and I talked she told me that it just had not sunk in yet and that she wanted time to be able to accept it before she made any decisions and that she is being pushed into making decisions that she is not ready to make.

There are tons of discepancies in what everyone is being told and fortunately her best friend who they have been friends with for about 50 years just came in from out of state to stay with them for a while. She lost both of her parents and both of her in laws to cancer. I met her for the first time yesterday. I told her that she needs to have a talk with my mother in law and find out exactly what she wants and how she wants things to be with regard to everything. She said that she has been trying since she got her a few days ago and ever time she tries someone interrupts them.

My husband and I are going out there today to help his dad with stuff around the house. He is having a very hard time with things as he never did anything around the house andis having to learn all this new in the past month.

I do want to thank everyone for the kind words, good advice and well wishes. This seems like a great community and everyone seems very supportive.

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Hi and Welcome Morgan

I am really sorry about your MIL.

You have gotten some great advice here already. The people on this site are the greatest and we will all be here to support you throughout this journey.

Please keep posting and let us know how we can help.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers,


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Hi Morgan. Sorry you had to find us. While I was reading your post, I felt the sense of frustration in your writing. Even though you can only help on the weekends, you're still helping. Don't feel badly about not being able to get off from work. I can relate to that.

I hope that her treatment is more effective than just a few extra months. Let us know how things are progressing.

Big hugs!


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Welcome, Morgan. Most stage IV lung cancer patients die within a year, but there are many who don't, my wife included. She is Stage IV nsclc and had lasted 4 years, with chemo and radiation. It is the patient's decision on what to do or not do, but the patient should be open enough to make an informed decision. Ignoring the cancer is not a wise choice, in my book. One thing to remember -- your MIL and everyone close to her is going to act goofy, reeling from the news. So you have to take what people do and say with a grain of salt. I would persist in being sure your MIL has all the info she needs to make a wise decision for herself. Don

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It looks like there isn't mush more to add except as Don said, to stress the point of gathering the information for your MIL to read so she can make her informed decision.

Then if she still chooses not to fight, it is her choice. I hope for you all, her included, that she

fights this with all she has


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Hi Morgan,

I agree with so much of the info already passed on. I also know that you have to allow it to all sink in - with a MIL not so weakened. I know I said no to chemo, until I understood more about it.

If she does come to the conclusion to not fight it, than that needs to be honored. I'm sorry you find yourself and family in this.

Keep us posted.


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Hi Morgan

To have a chance of beating this disease you have to believe that you can. Your mother-in –law would have to start helping herself to beat it. Sometimes hearing about other people beat it helps. You can not believe what the doctors say is your prognosis. Each of us is different. There are no statistics out there based on each one of us. The things we believe and the things we do can out weigh what some doctor quotes from past history. H. R. Bloch was given 3 months to live. He died 24 years later from heart failure. I would read her stories or let her read them and watch for a change in her attitude. Stay positive.


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