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My mom, 76, has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer, possible met to adrenal gland, only by CT and PET. Biopsies are scheduled in the next week. (Brochoscopy was negative.) I am an only child and live 3 hours away, work and have two kids. My mom has some close friends where she lives but I am concerned that I will not be able to be there for her for any ongoing treatment. I will offer for her to move in with us but I think that during treatment, if any, she will want to stick with doctors where she lives. She is still in denial, which I understand is a protective measure. Any advice?

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Hi and welcome Onlyone,

I am so sorry for all that you and your Mom are going through.

Your situation is almost the exact same as what I went through in July with my Dad. The waiting and wondering is so very difficult and stressful. My understanding is that there are many stages of of acceptance when it comes to serious health matters.

I don't have much in the way of advice as I am still relatively new to this situation myself. I will offer this: If you are uncomfortable with anything the Doctors are telling you, get a second opinion.

My very best thoughts and prayers to you and your Mom,

Warmest regards,


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Hello Onlyone and welcome.

I am sorry to hear about your Mom's situation but glad you have found us here.

As Rod pointed out, there are so many stages of acceptance with this illness and rightly so. It is a huge life changing disease but one that can be dealt with.

Right now the best advice I have to offer is to try and remain calm. There is likely to be a ton of information and tests and treatments discussed in the coming weeks. Have your mom get a small notebook or organizer and write down EVERYTHING! Jot down any and all questions you or she will have for the doctors as the appointments can be very overwhelming and you may forget to ask. If, as Rod said, you or your mom are not 100% comfortable with the doctor and/or treatment, by all means get a 2nd and even 3rd or more opinions.

Please keep us posted and let us know how we can help you along the way. This is a wonderful group here with lots of knowledge and compassion and we will do whatever we can to help you and your mom.


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For your Mom who will be undergoing treatments at a distance, I would suggest you shop around for the best long distance calling plan for you.

Secondly there is a website called, http://sharethecare.org that has THE best tips on how to accomplish caring from a group when it is not possible for you to be there. It is an invaluable asset to your dilema.

So sorry about your Mom's diagnosis. We will help anyway we can.

Cindi o'h

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Hello, onlyone:

So very sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis.

Here in Canada we have an excellent cancer and palliative care system, where cancer patients who have no relatives living close by still get support like home care, Meals on Wheels, volunteers to take them to and from chemo treatments, etc. I've thanked the Goddess every day for the wonderful network of resources we have available to us. I can only hope that there's something similar in your area to help you out in times like this.

If not, I do hope that you can find doctors in your vicinity whom your mom can trust and who will give her excellent care.

As for denial... that's normal, I just found out my own mom has cancer and am going through the stages myself. If your mom is in a hospital right now, you might want to ask the ward staff about counselling services that she can make use of while she's there, and maybe about community support services to continue to counsel her after she's been released. Perhaps contacting the local branch of the Cancer Society would turn up some good leads.

Wishing you luck and strength in this difficult time,


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Welcome! Until your mom gets the biopsy results, you don't know for sure if it is cancer or not. Scans can only indicate, not define. Everyone acts differently, copes differently with cancer, so support your mom in the ways that you can. Keep us posted, particularly with details, so we may support you the best we can. Don

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Hi Onlyone: Wait and see what the biopsies say and let us know. If your mom definitely has cancer, she will need some support.

I am still in some what of a denial about my cancer. I don't deny that I have it, but I deny that it will kill me. I consider that a healthy denial.

Don m

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