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Update on dad


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I had a pretty good visit with dad this past weekend. He is trying to eat at least once a day but it usually comes back up. He said he is throwing up alot of yellow and green stuff. Infection? He is in alot of pain. He said his insides feel like they are on fire. His doctor has him on oxycotton but he doesn't like taking it and does only when he can't take the pain anymore. He doesn't sleep much, he doesn't want to die in his sleep. He wants to die outside. He doesn't want Hospice called in. His wife is a mess. She can't stop crying, she is extremely depressed. She takes Lexapro and xanax as needed but it doesn't help her. I fear she may have a nervous breakdown. Dad tries to talk about dieing and she tells him to stop she can't handle it. I know it hurts dad seeing her like this too. There is nothing I can do for either of them and I feel so helpless. I hate cancer.

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Don is right..small meals and if he is throwing up, have him drink some *flat* 7 up or coke. (if he is diabetic, someone needs to check with his doc about the sugar content) If he can eat solids, have him try really bland food. Maybe baked chicken, lamb chop? Nothing fried or greasy.

He does need to stay hydrated so he does need to drink.

I am so sorry things are awful and I hate cancer too. Can you speak privately with his wife and ask her if there is anything *she* needs. Perhaps if they belong to a church, one of the church members could come sit with her. Cancer is ugly and it does affect the entire family and it sounds as if she needs support as well.

My prayers for you dad and all of you. Please keep us updated and do let us know how we can help.


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Oxycontin is a very powerful drug, and it can have some undesireable side effects for the first week or so until the body adjusts to it, but it has to be taken consistently. My mom felt very jittery and got panicked after the first dose, and the pharmacist explained the above to me. She chose to discontinue it.

Is there another painkiller he can take? Ask his oncologist, if you can.

If your dad continues to refuse to sleep, he may start to hallucinate, and I'm sure he dosen't want that, either. Better for him to be well-rested and keep the pain level down.

Don is right...you have to maintain the pain meds consistently to stay on top of the pain, otherwise it'a too hard to control when it reaches a peak.

Would it be ok for your dad to talk about death and dying with you, out of his wife's presence? Maybe if he could express his wishes and fears, etc, he would be more at ease.

I do wish you well. This is all hard enough, and to deal with it from a distance adds to the difficulty and helplessness.


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I see you have got some good advice here. Your family has my best wishes to get through the treatment successfully. I hope your dad's wife can find some balance. I like Karen's idea of talking to your dad about death and dying if he wants to. I have always hoped that I would be conscious and aware when I die.

Don M

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