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**Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by

another man. The IRS guy assumed the other man was Ralph's attorney.***



**Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears

that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment

income. How do you explain that?"***

**Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win."**

**The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look.**

**"I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"**

**The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."**

**Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own


**The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!"**

**Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it.**

**The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two**

**thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."**

**The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet.**

**Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye.**

**The stunned official was now three grand in the hole!**

**"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six

thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and pis_ into that

wastebasket by the door over there and never get a drop anywhere in


**The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this

guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again!**

**Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket

completely, and pretty much peed all over the desk.**

**The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win!

But then he noticed that Ralph's friend looked ashen and was visibly


**"Are you okay?" he asked.**

**The man replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty

thousand dollars he'd pis_ on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"***

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