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Caring for a VERY independent parent


Nick C

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My mother is in the middle of radiation for metasticised lung cancer in the brain.

Between the insomnia from the decadron, the weakness from the decadron (she's been on it for 3 weeks) and the fatigue from the radiation, she can barely keep her eyes open. But she drove to work this morning and her co worker called me concerned. So I forbid her to drive home, and her co worker drove her home. We spoke and I made her promise not to drive until Radiation is over.

She promised.

But I am afraid of confusion and forgetfulness that she might have and then get in the car. Is this a concern? Should I confiscate her keys? Or should I trust that she will not drive. I just don't know if her judgement will be SO impaired as to go against her promise. Anyone have experience with this?

I am probably going to take the keys and say I read on the message board that I should.

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If it were me, I'd definitely take her keys. Of course do it in a very kind and caring way- perhaps say that you are doing it for your peace of mind rather than her ability to drive- that you'd rather help her right now and have her concentrate on fighting her disease and winning!

Good luck and please keep us posted on you and your mom.

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Nick,

I had two drs. tell me and my husband he can't drive. Have I taken away the keys, no.... because I've told him if he does he'll be busted.....

But tell your mom, if her dr. doesn't want her to drive, he/she can also be liable and she could get her dr. in big trouble if something happens while she is driving.

Have her dr. talk to her, she shouldn't be driving, period! I know she has to hate that loss of freedom and having to depend upon others.....but unfortunately the treatment she is going thru can and does have side effects, not to mention the brain tumors themselves, that can seriously impair her...

Grace

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Both Alan's Medical and Radiation oncologist told him

no driving. espcially due to the brain met and brain

radiation. As it has been a year since his radiation,

they have given into "some" driving as his MRI's are

clear. Prior to their willingness to let him drive, I

had to take the keys.

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I will be taking the keys today.

I love my mom so much, and hate that she is going through this. And I hate being the one upsetting her.

She's tough as nails and has never let anyone do anything for her.

So this is such a change for her.

BTW, I have trolled through a bunch of topics here and found them SO helpful in my dealing with this situation. Thank you all for sharing.

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Thank you all.

I will continue to be here both for support for me and hopefully to others.

I have learned many things in the last month. Most of which I wish I never had to learn. But I hope to be able to help others with what I now know. I will over the next few weeks be sure to share these things here, start topics I found little info on on the net and share those things I feel others would not be prepared for as there were many things like that.

But most of all, and this is a topic for another thread, but Mom was angry that the methods for detection are inadequate. And wanted to discuss with me initiatives she felt should be taken. We didn't get a chance to have the conversation, but I knew her better than anyone, and know how the conversation would have went.

I'm researching right now to find what is the best way to support initiatives to better screening leading to early detection and more effective treatment. My mom did tumor markers and chest x-rays EVERY YEAR and they didn't detect this. Mom felt there has to be an answer to this.

Again thanks all and I'll be around!

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Nick,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you're living in a whirlwind. Two months ago she was fine, today she is gone. Please take time to grieve. Stay busy but don't lose sight of yourself. I know these words are easier to write then follow, just know you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Again, I'm very sorry.

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I am sorry to hear this and offer my condolences and prayers. If you should need any help with anything we are here and will help with whatever we can. this is a very large family you have joined and also compassionate and understanding. We are here.

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