Communicating with your partner...

[LCSC ADMIN]

Survivors may encounter situations in which it is difficult to communicate with their partners. During times of stress, effective and healthy communication is often a challenge for couples. This can be especially difficult if there were problems with communication before the cancer diagnosis.

Signs that it is time to work on better communication include:

You and your partner have frequent misunderstandings.

You or your partner frequently withdraw or avoid talking.

You or your partner frequently use criticism, sarcasm or name-calling.

You find yourself frequently not sharing information with your partner.

You and your partner frequently disagree over the same issues.

You or your partner has sexual problems, and other expressions of love and affection (talking, touching and sharing) happen less often.

You find yourself frequently confiding in others instead of your partner.

You feel unable to ask your partner for help or support.

You find that the support you receive from your partner is unhelpful.

You feel hurt emotionally by your partner.

If ever you or your partner responds with physical aggression, seek immediate professional assistance.

Couples facing cancer can learn effective communication strategies. Even though it is difficult to break old habits, learning new skills and developing new communication habits is possible. The key is to practice the new skills regularly. The benefit is that healthy communication can increase the couple’s overall relationship satisfaction and positively affect each member’s quality of life.

How can survivors learn to communicate well with their partners?

[blaze100]

Oh-oh, I'm in trouble.

Every time I get a symptom that persists enough to scare me, I bypass discussion with hubby and make appointment with docs. I'm not waiting for hubby's OK to get medical opinions and tests.

As understanding and supportive as my hubby has been, there is no way he can completely understand my fears. Maybe this is wrong on my part ?

Barb

[Tom K]

Interesting topic. When I was first diagnosed, I didn’t want my wife to be afraid or anxious, so I tried to keep test results and details secret. She would not be left in the dark. She insisted on going to every appointment and listening to every discussion with the doctors. Even when things got really scary, she kept a positive attitude but never shied away from the difficult subjects. I am still amazed at all she did for me while I was going through treatment and continues to do for me. I recall her cooking as many as 4 different meals trying to find something that tasted good to me and I could swallow. I have heard that adversity will make a good marriage better, while I believe this disease has made our marriage even stronger. Now, I not only love her with all my heart, but I am extremely grateful for all that she has done for me. If I become a long term survivor, she deserves has much credit as any of my doctors. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been to go through this without being able to communicate with her.

[recce101]

"Tom K" I have heard that adversity will make a good marriage better, while I believe this disease has made our marriage even stronger. Now, I not only love her with all my heart, but I am extremely grateful for all that she has done for me. If I become a long term survivor, she deserves has much credit as any of my doctors. I can’t imagine how hard it would have been to go through this without being able to communicate with her.

Beautifully said!

Here we are in the pre-dawn of another Hawaii day, sitting back-to-back in our crowded computer den with our individual cable connections (she wants her own IP address so I don't slow down her Web surfing!!) -- she's checking eBay collectibles, I'm of course here. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Very soon she'll ask why I started sniffling....