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Don Wood

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I think the hardest thing right now for me is to think of myself as "single". But in reality, that is what my status is. I brought this up at my grief support group last night and many felt the same way. I just can't get my mind and emotions around that. I know it will be easier with time. This is very hard. Don

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(((Don)))

You have been so strong and so supportive to all of us. Let us be strong and support you.

I can't possibly understand the gravity of what you are feeling, but I care and think of you often.

I am so glad you are going to a grief support group. I have read that it helps greatly (like here) to be with people who understand what you are going thru.

I wish I could help somehow. I am sending you many many hugs,

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Don,

This reminds me of what I tell people . I'm having the hardest time trying to be a "me" and not an "us". I have people say to me that it's so hard to not think of you as "Mike & Sue"... yeah , me too. :cry: Signing cards with just my name is so hard. It seems that in everything I do , I still feel it is only half accomplished.. I still feel myself waiting for my other half to help too or to comment. I still, after 7 ,feel I am waiting for something. So much is missing. It's hard Don. It's really hard. God be with you. I hope your support group helps. If you learn anything there that you think might help us, please share. In the meantime, we are here for you too. It's for sure , you have always been here for us.

Love & Prayers,

Sue

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Don,

I know your loss is enormous, I cant pretend to know how it feels to lose the love of your life, my mom is still so lost without her love..I pray all the time that her heart will heal, I'll add you to my prayers and hope that someday there will be peace for all of us who have lost such precious loved ones..

You have been such a wonderful support to so many here, now its our turn to support you..

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((((Don)))) I am so sorry.

As we children have lost our past in our mothers and fathers, your future has slipped away too. I have heard my step dad say that he has to re-invent himself as this single man.

I remember the first card I read that was only signed by my stepdad, it was to my son on his birthday and it was so heartbreaking. I know it is difficult for him to attend family functions being the single guy when all the others are their with their spouse.

I am so glad you like your group and I pray that in time you will find friendships and joys in your life.

Hugs and prayers straight from my heart,

Kim

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Oh, Don - yes, it is so hard to accept that the world now thinks of you as "single" and worse yet the awful word "widow" - in your case "widower" when you've been part of a couple for so long.

It still startles me to fill out papers that require marital status and it's been three years. And to refer to "my late husband" is absolutely horrid - I avoid that in every way I can. Whoever started that ridiculous expression anyway?? What does "late" have to do with it? There's no good way - "my deceased husband" is only slightly better. The best I can hope for in a conversation that calls for me to refer to my husband is to say "I'm a widow. My husband installed these sprinklers, (or built this shed)" or whatever they're asking me. Still not good, but the best I can come up with.

I still wear my wedding rings, because it feels too naked without them. :)

Things do become easier in time, but many memories and habits will be with us for life. After about a year, I found I was no longer dreading opening the front door to an empty house, and gradually I've changed many things in the house to reflect the things I do, rather than what "we" did. Perhaps one day I'll think in terms of "I" rather than "we" but I'm not trying to force it. We all heal in different ways at different times.

You've understood the importance of taking care of yourself while you were taking care of Lucy, so I know you will continue to do that now.

((((Don)))) I understand, as do all the spouses who have lost their other half.

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Dear Don,

No magic words here to make this better for you... if only it were that simple. Your post struck me because since Dad died... I have never once thought of my Mom as "single"... She will always be Dads wife, because they were seperated by a force they didn't have any control over... does that make any sense?? They didn't "choose" this... Anyway... interesting thing to think about... You know we are all here for you, as you have been here for us so many times before. Love, Sharon

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Don, sadly enough, the pain gets duller but never leaves us. I wear Our wedding rings around my neck with Debs Strength Charm she wore daily. Praywers for you. Just got done with nitely chat under the stars and a good cry. :cry: Now I am :)

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Dear Don,

I'm right in there with you. I think I choked it out the first time I said "widow".

I went to a birthday at a neighbor's house in August. I'm the friendly type and just struck up a conversation with a couple of ladies that live on our street. They knew Don had died, but it was the first time I had ever met them. When I was telling them where I live, I said, there's Brent and Tina, then Mike and Barbara, and then us. One of them said "us"? You mean "you", don't you? I just looked at her frozen, and the tears started to arrive. She said she was sorry, but she just didn't know if I realized I had said that. She didn't mean any harm, and I just said, "Yeah.... you're right. That's what I said all right. I didn't even think about it." It stung and I went home after the party and cried myself to sleep.

You and Lucy will also be "us" and "we" for a very long time, and it's OK!!! Don't even think of yourself as "single". Don't you think when most people use the word "single" they are usually referring to some young (or younger) guys or gals that are available and looking? I hate the word "widow", but, right now, I would much rather be a "widow" than a "single".

Pat said it best: "It is awful."

Love and hugs,

Peggy

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((((Don))))

I can only say that I wish I could make all the pain go away. I've watched my Dad deal with this for 3 years now, he is such a sweetheart, he has often told me that Mom is always there with him. He has such a deep love for her and because of that love and commitment he still feels, he still gives her cards and signs his cards to all of us, Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa to all the kids. I love that he does this, her spirit lives stong in all our hearts just as Lucie's lives stong in yours. My prayers are with you.

Donna

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