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2 weeks now Mom is gone, I'm numb


Nick C

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Did anyone else go through this?

I miss her, and think about her all the time, but I am completely functional. WHich seems strange to me. Maybe not FULLY functional. But I watched family guy the other night and laughed...I've joked at work. I feel like I should have sack cloth and ashes on and be sitting in the basement for months...but I'm not.

I'm back puting in my typical 12 your days at work...I've turned the radio back on in my car (I was driving around in silence for the first 10 days).

I'm concerned I am going to be at the coffee machine or driving and it's gonna hit me and I'm gonna crack. How can things seem externally normal, but she's on mind constantly, and I know she's gone.

How has it been 2 weeks already? And at the same time it's only been 2 weeks? Longest two weeks of my life.

Just rambling.

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Nick,

I can totally relate to how your feeling! My Dad will be gone 48 weeks on Friday and I still think about him all the time. I wonder all the time when am I going to stop being so consumed with this I know he's gone but I just can't believe that I am never going to see him again.. Give yourself time (alot) because time does help! :cry::cry:

(((HUGS)))

Michele

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I know, I have never stopped thinking of my mom. Even now almmost 6 months into this. I wake up and go to bed with her in my head and in my heart. It hurts but we still have to do what we do. There cannot be 2 deaths. Life keeps moving and time goes by, as hard as it is. I think you are learning the new normal and it is good if you can find a smile or enjoy music.

*hugs*

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Nick--I was numb for a long time... Went back home to WA to spend one last month with my husband before he deployed right after my Mom's funeral--the whole time I waited for the dam to break and told people I must not know how to grieve... But... I had to be together for my husband, and for my daughter, and to get through that month and the first days of him being gone.

Went through a few months back in IL with Dad, just going through the motions. I started to feel things then, but there was still A LOT of numbness.... I was in survival mode.

It took me 7 or 8 or even 9 months for the feelings to really start flooding out, and they're still coming.

We all do things differently, and I can say in general from watching the boards--for a lot of people that first month or two is just numbness... Is just doing what you've always done because you don't know what to do otherwise.

The dam will break and you will go, "OH! This is what I thought grieving looked like!" at different points... But remember this--this is still part of your grieving... This is still you hurting for your Mom and loving her through grieving. But your brain and your body and your emotions are doing their own thing for a while.

We're here for you for the numbness, and here when the dam breaks. It's all part of it, and unfortunately, a lot of us have 'been there.'

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I know exactly how you feel. It's been seven weeks today for me since my Mom's passing. Life almost seems too normal. There are times when in the middle of a moment of joy when I feel guilt for feeling so happy. And then I stop and think that Mom would want me to be happy.

I had a breakdown a couple of weeks ago. I think it was brought on by a few things - my Dad being hospitalized, a fight with my husband, my Mom's birthday and Thanksgiving all happening within a few days. That is when I found this website. It is so reassuring to read that others are going through exactly the same things.

Now I'm back to feeling numb again but expect that there will be more breakdowns every now and then. I always cry when I read other people's postings. But I think it's a good release.

I also know what you mean when you say that things seem externally normal. Inside the world has changed drastically and it seems impossible for everything to go on as it always has, yet it does. There is some comfort in normalsy, yet some how it doesn't seem quite right. I always thought that losing a parent would be completely unbearable, and although it's painful, it's not the pain I thought it would be. I keep expecting a deep stabbing pain, but all I feel is an empty ache.

Now I'm starting to ramble. Thanks for posting your feelings. It makes me feel normal.

Shauna

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I can honestly say that I experienced a great deal of "numbness" when I lost my mom in August of 2005, dad in November 2005 and Ron in December 2005. I arranged funerals, worked fulltime during the months following, went on various trips and functioned well to the surprise of many.

It was May when I felt such a deep sadness at the all of the losses. I am continuing to do well but today has just been a super sad day. Memories as I near dad's 1 year anniversary and Ron's 1 year anniversary especially when I see (ugh!!) Christmas decorations in the department stores cause a great deal of pain. It's all normal but the reality of it all makes it even tougher now.

It's amazing the strength we have to get us through though.

Thoughts and blessings to you. Your mom sounded like such a wonderful person.

Take care,

Janet

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Thanks everyone.

Very reassuring to hear what you are saying.

Yes to I expect this debilitating pain, but its just an empty ache. Absolutely!

And yes to the Christmas decorations and thanksgiving, but my dealing with thanksgiving will be another thread for another time.

Janet, I'm sorry for all that loss at once, it's crazy...and holiday time on top of it? I'm so sorry!!!

Actually, Janet, Shauna, all of us, I'm so sorry.

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Nick, You will be ok. It will hit when it hits and there is nothing to stop the emotional outpouring. I lost my wife Jan 23rd this year and I still break down and cry. Do not care who, where, or when anymore. Was my wife not theirs. I used to cry in lina at grocery store and all clerks know me and knew Deb. They understand. same at work. Do not fight it though. Prayers and strength.

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I can relate to what you're saying Nick..I felt similar emotions when my dad passed away and I think it has to do with how each of us grieve and process the loss of someone so dear. I did not do a great deal of crying in the beginning and don't really understand *why* I didn't but I can tell you, yrs later...the tears come quite frequently. It truly does feel (for me) as if my heart is broken. The good thing though..all the beautiful memories help with my grief.

Now, I am rambling..anyway, I do hear what you are saying.

Blessings, Nick and I am sorry for your loss.

Many prayers and hugs

Libby

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Oh Nick,

We all go thru it in our own way. To be honest I think I am still numb about 3 years!! It's the only way I can get thru it and yes, I love "denial" it is my best friend when it comes to dealing with my grief and the fact that my dad won't be a part of my life again. I keep extremely busy and get little sleep. Being here and doing what I do in my life makes me feel closer to him- keeps his memory alive to me.

For me it comes in waves. I will be fine for months and then it will sack me for an entire week. HOwever each of us grieve, it's normal and there isn't a timeline on it or a right way to go about it.

It's been so soon for you. You are probably still in shock! Just take it as it comes. And be gentle to yourself, it's OK to laugh and find joys in life. Your mom would want nothing more than for you to be ok, have a good life.

We are all here for you, and we understand.

Hugs,

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Nick,

I'm sorry for your loss. I too was very numb. I am a crier. Total water works. BUT, I barely shed a tear at Mom's memorial service. I don't think I hardly cried the day she died. I too was numb. In disbelief. I cried so much when she was diagnosed. Like it would never end. When the mets to her brain were discovered I seriously thought I was dying. My chest was tight I sobbed and couldn't catch my breath. When she died I couldn't cry. I couldn't cry at her service and I wanted to. A few weeks went by and it hit. I think it just hits us when it hits us like someone else said. Its been 7 weeks and two days now. The past two weeks I have cried until I thought I couldn't possibly cry anymore. I think its like the ocean. It comes in waves. I found myself laughing soon after her death and then stopping to think " how can you possibly laugh???" But Mom would want me to laugh and so would your Mom.

Take it as it comes and know its ok to just be however you are feeling.

k

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