Mskim Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 My step dad who I posted about recently, is getting married. He stopped by Friday night to inform me, and also let me know it would be in Vegas and I was not invited. This week (the 26th) will be 6 months that mom left us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kasey Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 So sorry ...............just don't know what else to say. Kasey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 ((((((Kim))))))) I'm so sorry... I know this must just be so hard. I'm here anytime you need a shoulder. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Some men are idiots. What can I say? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Q Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Sorry, Kim. That must really hurt. One can only hope this is a good match and that he will find joy and happiness. ~Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenl Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Wow, I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling....I'm so sorry. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Kim, I am so very sorry for the hurt that you feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Prayers and Big warm Blanket from the dryer try it it works I think!! Men are dogs, oh wait, Dogs do not drink out of the container in the fridge at nite, and usually come when summoned. Please laugh trying for a chuckle at least!! Prayers and Love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnyde Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Probably going to get flak but....... Men usually do not live well by themselves, at least not as well as women. Women usually have a closer relationship with family and a larger network of friends - all of whom help them when their spouse dies. Men, (most men) do not have this support system. So, they flounder when alone. This in turn causes them to actively seek out another person, a person to take care of them - a wife. My experience has shown that many, many widowers are dating or married very quickly after their wife has died. Is it wrong - no, just hard for the rest of the family to see someone else in the Mother seat. So I would never take it as an insult to your Mother, it usually means that your Dad was happily married and wants that life again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I agree with Ginny. I am so sorry and I know this must be SOOO hard for you, can't even imagine it actually. But some men just can't be alone. This does not mean he does not miss your mom, just his way of coping. I do hope that he found a suitable match. I also hope, in time, you can accept your dad's decision. Perhaps his running to Vegas and not inviting you is his way of softening the blow? I'm sorry. Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Wow, I can't imagine how you feel. I'm sure that is hard for you (understatement). Sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharonjo Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Kim, I am so very sorry for your pain. I just don't know what to say. I will keep you in my prayers. Stay strong. God Bless, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 I understand how shellshocked you feel. You're still grieving, and this feels like your mother's being replaced. My dad moved in with another woman 4 months after Mom died -- and they had been married for 47 years. He was just so lonely that he couldn't take it. He married the new woman almost a year to the date after Mom died. It was very, very difficult for us, but I believe his new wife saved his life because he was not taking care of himself and the stress was hard on him. As the years went by, he didn't forget Mom. He often spoke of her and grieved openly in front of his new wife. It became obvious that he still loved Mom, and I think that was a source of pain for the new wife. Maybe he's just trying to fill the hole left by your mother. And maybe not inviting you is a concession to the new wife . . . Pam Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j's girl Posted October 24, 2006 Share Posted October 24, 2006 Here is my two cents. I've read some of your other posts and get the feeling your relationship with your stepdad is strained and seems to have been that way for a while. Personally, I feel if he isn't willing to put more effort into making you feel even a little bit okay with his new relationship, you don't need to waste your evergy on him. You're still grieving, and while he may be too, he's clearly moving on and doesn't seem to want to help you get through it. Yes, I agree that it is good that he is finding happiness, but it seems to me that he should have a little more respect for your perspective. I think you feel like he's just rubbing salt in your wounds. And I don't blame you a bit if you are angry and hurt. I would be too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen1 Posted October 25, 2006 Share Posted October 25, 2006 I'm so sorry. In my opinion your stepfather is one, insecure and two insensitive. I know it is hard for men to be alone, but from posts I've read from you before I have always gotten the impression that your stepfather does not think of others. I'm sorry he made you feel bad. You know who your Mother was and I think you should feel fortunate that you were not invited to the new marriage. Too bad he felt it necessary to point that out. As my Mother would say when someone would do something thoughtless "consider the source". I am sorry you are hurting. Just consider it that he is not a whole person or he wouldn't have to behave like this. You are a whole person and you will get thru this. thinking of you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 ((((Kim)))) Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TamHol Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 Hi there, Other than the obvious ... being offended by the timeline and your uninvited status. Just remember that there is something seriously wrong with his actions outside of that box. Maybe he has security issues and can't be alone ....... I know quite a few of those people. That is the first thought that came to mind for me when I read that he didn't want you to come .... and it's a receipy for disaster for most people. Your only offended by this .......... you've got it easy in this soap opera he's creating. If this wedding is a bust ... he has a life time of people who have free rein to say "What did you think would happen .... dah!" Take it in stride ....... although it seems like a slap in the face. In the end it's only his own face he's slapping .... maybe not hard enough .... yet! Tammy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 I know this is hard for you, as it has been for so many others on this board. I agree completely with Ginny. After a long, happy marriage, men seem to need someone to be there with them in an attempt to continue on. women, on the other hand, often need some time to reflect and seek some alone time to heal. I don't think you should take your SF's actions as any negativity towards the memory of your mother. I'll be saying a prayer for you, as I know this must be very difficult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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