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first event since my father's passing


cmrsm

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It is my son's 2nd birthday tomorrow, who i named after my father who wont' be there. No matter what my father was going through since his reccurrence, my children could make him smile, especially my Joseph. I worked since my son was born and my father because of his inability to work watched and cared for my children and now he is not here to celebrate his birthday. It is getting harder and harder to cope since his death in May. There is not a day that goes by that i do not cry about his passing. My children will never know the man who took care of them the first years of their lives. The man, who the day i gave birth to my 3 year old daughter finished his radiation and barely able to stand said this what he lived for, his grandchildren and his not around to celebrate their birth. Life is so unfair and is so painful. I am sorry to vent, but when ever the pain is truly unbearable, i come here to release knowing that you all truly know and understand what we are all feeling because we are all going through the same emotional rollercoaster called life.

GOD BLESS

cATHY

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Cathy

I am so sorry for your pain right now. The anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc are so hard. Know that your father IS there with you, watching over you all. What beautiful memories YOU have to share with your children, though.

Sending prayers for strength and peace and birthday wishes to your son,

Chris

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Cathy,

I completely understand too. We all do, and we are here for you.

The firsts were the worst for me.. we just have to get thru them one at a time...our dad's would want us to move forward.

He might not be there to physically celebrate with you, but he will be there...in spirit and in your heart and reflected in the faces of your children.

One thing you said, about how your children won't remember your dad, touched me......my parents watched my son while I was in school full time up until my dad's dx., my son won't remember specifics either I don't think....but the one dimple in his left cheek, the way he crooks his head when he asks a question, a sly little grin after telling a joke, the way he holds his 7-up can-leans back in his chair and dips his right shoulder in that "I'm so cool" way, IS my dad. It's been 3 years for us without my dad now, and finally I am noticing those things, and they make me smile.

It is really hard. Keep talking, venting, posting...we are here for you.

Prayers for you and your family.

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I'm so sorry Cathy. Oh, how I "get" this post! Mom passed away on Aug 31 and my son turned two on Oct 15. I live 5 hours from my Dad who said that he wouldn't come to the birthday party unless he could find someone to travel with. Thank goodness he did!

My son was my Mom's only Grandchild. Apart from my Husband and I, Mom was the one that loved him most, and it hurts so much that he likely won't have any memories of her. I am an avid scrapbooker and am trying to create pages that will help my son "know" his Grandma. We have so many books and toys that Mom gave to him too. I'm trying to make a habit out of talking to my son about his Grandma. I think if I start now and it becomes a habit, he'll feel like he's always known her.

My Brother called last week to let me know that he and his wife are expecting their first child. Of course I am so excited for them and I do think that Mom can see and know what is going on, but I am very sad for my Brother that he won't have the same experience I had by making Mom a Grandma.

You are right, it is so unfair. God Bless you.

Shauna

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Guest InMemoryOfJenny

I'm so sorry and can relate to what your feeling. I very recently lost my mother (Oct 12th) and there are days I feel like I'm going to suffocate with the grief I'm feeling. If it wasn't for my children I'm not sure if I would even want to function on some days.

My mom was diagnosed on Jan 20th 2006. At the time I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. My son who will be two this month was the light of mom's life. He went for overnights to her house all the time. My husband and I looked forward to the break and mom loved having him and playing with him. He would sleep with her and she loved it. He could do no wrong in her eyes. She was worried because she loved Noah so much that she wouldn't be able to love another as much as him.

After the cancer diagnosis she was so worried that she would not be here to see my second born. She was pulling for a girl this time. The pregnancy was so different because she was taking treatments she was not able to go to every doctor appointment like she did with my son. The day of my "lets find out what sex the baby is" ultrasound mom was supposed to go but was to sick. I called her with the wonderful news that she was getting her wish we were having a girl.

Luckily mom lived to see my daughter born in June of this year. Unfortunately mom wasn't to have much time with her as she got very sick not to long afterward. She passed on Oct 12th and it is still so new and so raw and I'm dealing with so many emotions.

I'm coming up on my little boy's second birthday this month. Honestly I'm so overcome with grief that I can't even think about having a party for him if my mom can't be here. I can't explain how much he meant to her and for her not to be here.. well it is to much to even think about. Everyone keeps asking am I having a party and I'm going between guilt of not having a party for my son and how awful I will feel that day if I do. Not to mention all of the holidays are coming up and honestly I can't imagine them without her. She was a huge huge huge part of my life. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the next few days, months (especially the holidays), years without her.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry all of us are going through this. Take care and God Bless...

Paula

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I am so sorry that we all have to go through this pain and suffering, but all of you truly help because you honestly all know what we are feeling. So many pepole say they know how you feel, but they don't unless they have gone through the experience. With all of you sharing with me it made me truly feel that all of you understand and i am not alone. It is hard to talk to my mother about my feelings because she is coping with her own grief and fears of being alone at 55 and her future. So a great bigh thanks, hugs, kisses and prayers to everyone.

GOd Bless

CAthy

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