Officially stage 4 as of yesterday

[kimblanchard]

There is scripture about putting our faith and trust in men healers and in putting our faith and trust in God for healing - It mentions that the healers only harm and destroy -

I will try to find that scripture and post it. It speaks volumes to me that I should turn to GOD for this, not man.

God can do anything, absolutely anything.

[kimblanchard]

Janet

I have been reading these posts with great interest. The only thing I keep seeing is a lot of folks supporting you no matter what your decisions might be. You seem to keep screaming that you don't want to give your money to any of the oncologists and would rather just trust in God.

So, my advice to you is to "Let go and Let God."

Good Luck and God Bless

Sue M

[kimblanchard]

The statistics - the OVERALL survival rate for all lung cancer patients is 14%. That includes stage 1s. Most of those 14% WILL be those dianosed as stage 1a -

When you exclude the stage 1as, and look at the last stage the survival rate is just about what I found - 2%. THAT"s what I was looking at.

One of my worst nightmares is my children being dumped into the public school system - that terrifies me. If I'm not here, that is what most likely will happen. It'll ruin them entirely - I wish I had never had that experience, and pray they will never have to.

I will keep hoping and praying - I feel like God doesn't like me to let this go this far. It was supposed to turn out well - a bump in the road the doctors told me - no worry about it spreading at all - they were very very wrong. I don't see how I could trust them any further when they've told me wrong everything so far.

[onelunger]

I'm sure this will make everyone on the board angry with me, but I'm going to say it anyway. Dying is the easy way out. Fighting takes guts, which you apparently don't have. In my opinion, you are being very, very selfish. What is going to happen to the 4 children ages 4-14 when you're gone? You don't want them in the public school system, how about the state welfare system? You say you are "damned", but you're still going to wait for God to cure you. Is that an oxymoron or what? Either get some backbone and start fighting or quit whining. God helps those that help themselves. You're far from being the only one in this situation. There's thousands of us out here, and thankfully, most of us have the guts to fight, no matter what the odds. Mary

[Ry]

Oh Janet,

This is what I hate about lung cancer. You don't deserve this, your children don't deserve it. I can't even imagine what you are going through as a single mother. I hope that no matter how you decide to beat this thing that you are here to see your children graduate, get married etc.

I do wish you'd get a 2nd opinion on your staging. I agree with Sam, you sound like a 3b not 4. I am not a physician, but Sam is. It doesn't mean you have to go through radiation & chemo but I think you need to at least know what you're dealing with. Then you can make your battle plan. Lot's of people choose to battle their cancer with diet and supplements.

We're all here for you, to listen and support you. Please keep us updated on how you're doing.

[john]

Janet,

I hope you do well with what ever you decide. There may be a few other options. Iressa or tarceva - few side effects.

How close are you to a major city? I do agree with you on your point about those with resources getting better treatment. But no matter how much money one has, cancer unfortunately usually wins.

There are corporations and other organizations that will help with transportation

You may be right to believe in prayer first and thinking what Jesus would do. I'm personally not religous but may you find the right path for yourself

Take care

John

[norme]

Dearest Janet,

My worst nightmare if I were 4 to 14 would be to be without my mom because she gave up on the love of man being able to heal with the help of God......I would do public school any day of the week...do we think that all the good people in life only went to parochial schools,- - come on.....

[Snowflake]

Janet,

I can feel your pain, and I can also see your poison. Instead of considering anything anyone has written on here, you keep going to the same tired argument of God vs. man. Healers being villains, doctors being a lot of money-hungry S.O.B.s that are around just for the payoff and not for the humanity.

I don't attend church on a regular basis, I am not part of any denomination, nor am I an aetheist, but the ONE THING that I have taken home from EVERY service attended and from EVERY church I've visited is this:

The Lord helps those that help themselves.

I believe that if you are going to just sit on your butt and wait for God to heal you, it AIN'T gonna happen. God wants to see some work on YOUR part.

I'm sure that one BIG step in showing God that you are willing to do your part is to QUIT SMOKING! Cancer is genetics and environment - you can't change your genes, but you can DEFINITELY quit living in a smoker's world!

Be pro-active! Show God you truly ARE trying to live, not just being dependent on His actions and demanding a miracle as the only proof He's there!

As for your children....the one thing I would NEVER want my son to label me is a quitter! That is NOT the example I would ever want to set. I push him to try, to not give up, what would I be teaching him if I quit?? "Do as I say, not as I do?"

Obviously, it's your life, it's your choice...but you are a MOM!

You say that you asked your father if he would go through all the treatments again and that his SILENCE was a deafening "no". Gee, seems if he were THAT adamant about NOT going through it, it would have been a strong "HELL NO!" that you would have heard, not something that you assumed through him not answering....

I think you are still working through your feelings on your new diagnosis. I don't know how long it will take you to sort them all out - I went from "Possible Stage I or II" to a definite "Stage IIIa" in one appointment and it tipped my world on edge and skewed my judgements for a while after that, spiraling down into the "Why bother?"....and then, something out of the blue happened, my SON called from his Gramma's (where he stays when I need to have treatments or need time to "adjust") on my cell phone to say "I miss you, Mom, I love you". THERE was my answer, there's the "Why bother".

If you're a teacher with that much education, do your homework, FIND a way to go to someone outside of your rural area that your insurance will cover. Call your caseworker, work through them... Take part in your cure!

How 'bout that whole "Faith, Hope and Love" thing? Have FAITH in your fellow man (this would INCLUDE doctors), HOPE for the best, and LOVE? C'mon, you remember, Love is patient, love is kind....(1 Corinthians 13:v1-13)

I wish you peace.

Becky

aka Snowflake

[Tami]

I couldn't keep reading without sharing my experience too. I was diagnosised in 2000. Adno in a lymph node in the middle of my chest. I'm also a single mom with no family to help me. I'm alone with my 3 kids. I am their sole support. My HMO would not let me out of the system for a 2nd opinion. My mass was found on an x-ray and i was sent for a biopsy. Due to the tumors location it was just under the heart I had to have a thoratic surgery. Huge incision, chest tubes everything. I was in the hospital 2 days and went back to work the next. Yes it hurt and was tough but my children needed me. That's when they gave me the lung cancer diagnosis, adno stage 4. My lung was okay but it was in my node. Went through 6 weeks of chemo. By myself I drove up and back. I puked, my hair fell out but I worked and I survived. 2nd surgery to remove the tumor. Another thoratic surgery, broken ribs the whole works again. 3 months after the first. This time I was told the tumor was too close to the aorta and I was inoperable. All the while my HMO is rufusing to allow me a second opinion. I recuperated and started chemo/radiation for 12 weeks. At the end nothing had changed. I was so sick but I had to keep working. Otherwise I had no money. People told me about disability but I also couldn't affor to go 6 months with no pay. I couldn't go a month. If I didn't work we didn't eat. But God gave me the strength to go on. I cried, I prayed. I had everyone I knew pray for me. My kids and I prayed together. I watched healing shows, I went to many churches in my community for healing. I was covered with so much oil you could have broiled me. But I did it for my kids. I paid out of my pocket to see an out of service surgeon-he told me I wasn't worth his time. But I begged and I pleaded for additional tests and to allow me a second opinion. I wrote letters and had my PCP write a letter. Finally my HMO told me I could go to Fox Chase Cancer center. But I needed a pet scan first. Thank god the only thing that lit up was my original site. So I went for a consult-he looked at me and said sure I'll take it out. I said the other doctors said it was inoperable-he said not for me. So in April of 02 I had surgery. He removed my tumor along with my left lung and then I had the biggest shock of all-- After they biopsied the whole tumor they discoved it wasn't adeno it was a muciodermoid tumor. Very low grade, doesn't spead almost acts benign. I guess my point is--how can you give up? You have 4 kids! the youngest is just a baby. forget how you feel and just think of what they need. Yes, it's difficult and depressing. But I believe you can do it. Don't be angry at the oncologists-who gives a rats *ss about what they say. I lost my lung because it was fried from 12 weeks of radiation I didn't need. Sure I could be mad but I'm alive. God has worked through a wonderful angel surgeon at Fox Chase. Who knows what they may find next year or even next month. It so hard being alone-I know but your kids come first.

[stephnewyork34]

Janet,

I know I don't know you, but I can't help but want to help you.

I think that the person that wrote that you need to fight is right, and I understand what he means by "dying is the easiest way out". It is like you are giving up. God can't fix this if you don't let him. What do you think is going to happen? God is going to come in and one day it will be gone? That is not a clear way to think about God, he works through others. I worry that you will be dissapointed in him if you refuse treatment and give up and then die.

I want to respect your decisions, but it is hard to see with so many other people fighting.

As for the public schools, I am sorry you had a bad experience but I went to public schools and think I am better person for it, because I can live in the real world, and that is something you don't get in private schools. Yes there are some bad ones, but maybe you should save the money and then you can take off from work???

Also you don't know that you will be too sick to work, My mother owns her own business and worked through chemo and radiation.

Please try to turn all your anger into something positive, for your kids, do you want them to see you as a quitter?

You are throwing aroudn stats like they are Gods word, and if stats were true, both my Mother and father would be dead now, especially my Mom. She has overcome to lowest stats and is still fighting. You need to be positive.

Ever have a day when you get in a nad mood, for no particluar reason? And then everything goes wrong? This is the same, you have to try to channel your anger.

Is there anyone who can help with the kids?

Also to a child a few more months with you is like a liftime, do you think your 4 year old will understand this??

Janet my heart goes out to you, and I send you hugs and love because I see you fighting everyone who has sent a post, and all we can do is try to soften your anger with love.

Plesae don't give up yet. There is always "hope"

[Guest JanetK]

Dear Janet

I haven't posted in awhile, but reading your message prompted me to post.

I am a mother, also in my 40s and have stage 4 disease.

I have been on chemo for over 1year without a break, and I have to tell

you that my quality of life is and has been good. I watch my son play

baseball, I go to work and enjoy life. Yes, it's very scary to have

stage 4 disease, and I certainly have my moments of dispair. The other night I could not sleep and horrible thoughts were racing through my head,

I went to my son's room and watched him sleeping and prayed I would

see this child become a man. I will do everything I can to stay alive.

I am lucky in that I live in an area where there are many good treatment

centers. Treatment currently is only pallitave, but I believe better drugs and treatments will be coming out very soon, and I plan on being alive to receive them.

I know of many people who have had positive experiences with chemo -

My Dad - 3 year colon Cancer survivor, Alice 10 year Ovarian with mets

survivor...........Not everyone has negative results or feelings about chemo.

I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do.

Janet K

[Debi]

To All:

I just came back and read this post to see what was new. This is going to be a bit corny , but here goes..

Its one of those quiet evenings and reading all these messages to Janet, I am just overwhelmed with the determination and strength in all of you. I'm sitting here just blown away...reading the stories of suffering and surviving that you have all shared trying to help someone else. Whether Janet takes anyone's advice or not, it is just so truly amazing to me that you people all exist out there and your message of hope shines bright!

Sometimes we end up helping someone that we never thought to help in the first place; who knows who is out there reading these posts in the same breathless wonder that I am. I am inspired by your stories and determination to live....and in those times that the battle is lost...am inspired even more. Thanks for being there....

Debi

47 years old

Stage 1a-nsclc

Surgery June 16, 2003 Mid & upper lobe removed

[Debaroo]

Debi, I was thinking the exact same thing when I read all of the posts. I just feel that life is such a gift, and to night fight like hell for it is so sad. I can't imagine how it feels to be in Janets shoes, I know I'd be angry-he** I'm angry that Janet has to go through this, and my dad, and Debi, and hebbie, and becky and daveG and Jay and Katies dad had to go through it, and Shellies mom and Karmas dad-I could go on and on and on. I just know that my dad is up for the fight, he is undergoing chemo and radiation and he is getting THROUGH IT...I read a quote today, by Winston Churchill, I believe, to paraphrase it-I will post the exact quote tomorrow-he said "if you are in a living hell, keep going"-in other words there is only one way out of hell, to go through it and get to the other side. But whatever Janets decision is, we will all be here for her. Thats what we do. We share knowledge-offer support-no matter what.

Janet, I can't pretend to know how you feel-I have two small children myself and, other than something happening to them-the worst thing I could think of is if something were to happen to me. I just hope that you don't give up. Put one of your kids in your position, what would you want them to do? Would you want them to fight, to try? I don't know. I just hope that you continue here, with us, no matter what. Please take care, and no matter what, we are here for you. Deb

[Snowflake]

The Winston Churchill quote is on a magnet on my fridge!

"If you're going through hell, keep going..."

[kimblanchard]

Of all the message above, the one that made me upset is the one that said I should quit smoking. What on earth does that have to do with my post ?!!

I QUIT SMOKING BEFORE I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER TWO YEARS AGO! I was unable to quit - wanted to so very badly - I prayed and prayed and prayed and only with God's help was I able to quit - I never had the ability myself. Haven't touched one since.

My dad quit smoking almost 20 years and he got lung cancer anyway.

WHY IN TARNATION DID THAT PERSON HAVE TO BRING SMOKING IN THE PICTURE? Where did he/she get off on that? That was ASSUMING - take your assumptions back, dear heart.

I live in a different environment than many here, I take it - first line of defense is NOT doctors - first line of defense is asking for God and YES, I believe God has, does, and WILL come and heal people when He so desires without them "doing" something. He offers us salvation and HEALING and all we have to do is believe and accept this gift - we don't have to DO anything other than repent of our sins, believe and accept this from Him -

Remember the woman who spent 7 years with an issue? She had spent much money on physicans to no avail (guess some were a waste of money then too) and when she touched the hem of Jesus's garment, she was healed. She didn't have to "do" anything for that to happen - just reach out and touch His hem -

I believe in miracles, out and out miracles. I believe that sometimes God works through people and I believe that sometimes He doesn't. I don't think He would work through the body of someone who was in the business of deception - that seems obvious.

According to our faith - my faith is little - I often pray that prayer found in the scripture, "I believe, Lord, help thou my unbelief" -

but I believe. I am amazed at the number though who believe less than me - didn't know that was possible - who think there is little or no chance of healing from the Lord, but are willing to put their trust in man doctors wholeheartedly.

Just a different environment, coming from different viewpoints. I look at horror at public schools - I work in one and don't want my children there - someone reads that as "parochial schools" - I'm sorry, didn't mean to mislead - I attended public school as a child, found it to be a very destructive place once they eliminated prayer from our schools - I homeschool my own, always have.

Our experiences form who we are, how we think. All of the folks I've known personally who had any dealings with cancer doctors have not had good outcomes with those cancer doctors. When you see this again and again, it is bound to color your thinking. When those doctors move in from some far away place, have no connection with the people or the country here, and then proceed to build ridiculous looking monstrosities they call houses in the middle of cow fields and then start complaining about the lack of convenience stores and the stench of the pig farmer next door to them - it is hard to believe they are here for the good of the people.

I believe there is more power in prayer than there is in any chemo or radiation treatment. I believe there is more power in prayer than there is in any oncologist. I believe that "sitting on my butt" and "whining" is indeed giving up - and giving it to GOD to handle - it's not up to me - it is not something I can fix or cure - it IS something He can cure, in an instant. If there is anything I have learned in my 41 years, it is that I can do NOTHING myself - all good comes from God - all healing comes from God - all love comes from God.

My sorrow is not so much from the fear of dying, or the fear of choking or not being able to breathe, but the fear of God choosing NOT to heal me - I know He can if He wants to and to experience Him NOT choosing to, is to me a rejection, a turning away from me, a damnation. THERE is my sorrow and I hope it won't come to be.

I'm sorry to post stats that upset people but when you exclude stage 1s, the stats drop down to very very tiny survival rate.

My life has been a bumpy one. I've spent a part of it knowing real hunger in a land of plenty. I have spent winters in a home so cold my fingers turned blue and I wore a coat to bed. I've lived homeless at times. I've known conditions that aren't supposed to exist in this rich country. I never got past the 7th grade, but years later enrolled in a college and made the dean's list every semester until finally they discovered I did not have any diploma or GED. I have worked hard to put myself through college and to try and make sure that my children never had to experience those kind of hardshiops. I got my M.A. and went on with it. I've had more surgeries than I can count on both hands in my 41 years. I have lost more body parts than I knew a person could lose and still be alive. I should lean to one side,as one side is practically "part less" now! I was told I would never have children - and for years I did not - but I prayed and I continued to pray and continued to pray and then an odd turn events and I concieved - I prayed for a child and was blessed with four - when it was supposed to be impossible.None of these things was I able to do because I "fought" for them or because I "had guts" - none at all - I got through the things I got through and accomplished the things I have accomplished only with the help of God - I am capable of nothing, He is capable of doing absolutely anything He chooses.

Be upset with me if you want to about how much sorrow I feel about the possibility that God might choose not to save me in this trouble - but this is how I feel and I won't apologize for it. My own biological parents gave me away at the age of 8 weeks and the only one I've had throughout my entire life that I could turn to, no matter what, had been God above. He has never failed me and I am flabbergasted that all this could be allowed to happen. This is not something that I personally can fight - I do NOT have "the guts" nor do I have the strength. I have never had "guts" nor do I want to. I have God in Heaven instead. This is something that I hope and pray God will take care of for me, as He has provided in all things before. I am not in control here, nor is a doctor - God is in control. I turn to God for mercy and healing. I do not teach my children to "fight" or to be "strong" but instead to turn to God in ALL things.

How can I not? WHen I watch person after person after person go the whole routine of chemo, radiation, hope, dashed hopes, faltering health, death - and watch as their loved ones debate about whether they should have taken another route, if it would be different -

Well, it didn't work for the majority I've watched, nor did it work for anyone in my family that has been through it - I'm cut of the same cloth - it is unlikely to work on me. Seems foolish to try and do the very same thing, as am likely to end up with the very same results.

I go to a church in which the viewpoint is different, too, I guess. It is a viewpoint that I need to turn to the elders in the church - be cleansed, annointed, prayed over, healed by God. To turn to doctors instead is seen as a denial of God's power - I need to give God a chance here. I don't know how many people are willing to let go and let GOD rather than to turn elsewhere for healing -

I'm hanging on to the promises of the Bible and hoping and praying that He'll answer my prayer and not reject me. If He doesn't save me, I can't think of anything more miserable or sorrowful. Sorry to offend anyone with my thoughts concerning oncologists. Just how I feel. I find them offensive especially so after they so misinformed my father. Putting a positive spin on things is one thing - out and out lying is another.

[Snowflake]

If you've never known anyone with a positive outlook on oncologists, maybe you should read some of the replies to your posts.

Best of luck to you on your chosen path.

[kimblanchard]

Take back your comments about smoking, would you please? That was insulting and uncalled for.

[Cary]

zv

[Debaroo]

Snowflake, thank you for posting the correct quote, I knew I had it wrong...but I guess the message is the same. I LOVE that quote!!! Its so cool that you have it on a magnet on your fridge!!! Thanks again, Deb

[Bonnie]

I agree. This string has gotten way out of hand. Each of us have our own beliefs and convictions. We are here to support each other and help whenever we can.

Bonnie and Howard

[Andrea B.]

THANK YOU, KATIE!!!

[AnneBurris]

Dear Janet,

Your faith is inspiring, we should all have such strong faith. I feel bad for you though when you think that God would be "damning" you if he does not heal you. You've professed your love for God. Be encourage by the verse Romans 8:28 "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Therefore, even if you are not healed, you are not "damned".

Pray for wisdom as to what you should do and for a peaceful heart.

I will be praying for you and your children.

Love,

Anne