Oil Change " men and Women"

[Larry]

>>>Are women smarter then men??

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>

>>>Oil Change instructions for Women:

>>>1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since

the

>>>last oil change.

>>>2) Drink a cup of coffee.

>>>3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly

maintained

>>>vehicle.

>>>

>>>Money spent:

>>>Oil Change $30.00

>>>Coffee $1.00

>>>Total $31.00

>>>==========================================================

>>>

>>>Oil Change instructions for Men:

>>>1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of

oil,

>>>filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check

for

>>>$50.00.

>>>2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20,

drive

>>>home.

>>>3) Open a beer and drink it.

>>>4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

>>>5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

>>>6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

>>>7) Place drain pan under engine.

>>> Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

>>>9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

>>>10) Unscrew drain plug.

>>>11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in

process.

>>>Cuss.

>>>12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.

Throw

>>>kitty litter on spilled oil.

>>>13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

>>>14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

>>>15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil

filter

>>>and twist off.

>>>16) Crawl out from under! car with dripping oil filter splashing oil

>>>everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in

trash

>>>can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

>>>17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him.

>>>Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new

garage

>>>door opener.

>>>18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change."

Drag

>>>pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in

hole

>>>in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.

>>>19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

>>>20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

>>>21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

>>>22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil

to

>>>gasket surface.

>>>23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

>>>24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

>>>25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

>>>26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard,

>>>along with drain plug.

>>>27) Drink beer.

>>>! 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel

oily

>>>dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily

>>>patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug

in

>>>lawnmower gas.

>>>29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.

Throw

>>>kitty litter on oil spill.

>>>30) Drink beer.

>>>31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with

oily

>>>rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench

>>>tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

>>>32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

>>>33) Begin cussing fit.

>>>34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

>>>35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling

trophy.

>>>36) Beer.

>>>37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required t o stop

blood

>>>flow.

>>>38) Beer.

>>>39) Beer.

>>>40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

>>>41) Beer.

>>>42) Lower car from jack stands.

>>>43) Accidentally crush remaining ! case of new motor oil.

>>>44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled

during

>>>steps 23 - 43.

>>>45) Beer.

>>>46) Test drive car.

>>>47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

>>>48) Car gets impounded.

>>>49) Call loving wife, make bail.

>>>50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

>>>

>>>Money spent:

>>>

>>>Parts $50.00

>>>DUI $2500.00

>>>Impound fee $75.00

>>>Bail $1500.00

>>>Beer $40.00

>>>Total - - $4,165.00

>>>

>>>But you know the job was done right!