Can I get through this?

[Flowergirlie]

You are all AWESOME! I have received many suggestions that I wouldn't have thought of (and I am pretty clever!!! ) The support is also very appreciated! This morning I have realized that my poor husband is just in so much pain that he is having trouble seeing past the pain and remembering what the benefit is to fight it if he is going to keep feeling like this. And at the same time, he does not want to just roll over and let this take him. He asks me if this is how it is always going to be from now on, and I just don't know. I try to say yes, but fear that my yes's are not very convincing, even though I really want to mean them.

I told him this morning, as he was telling me that I ruin everything and nothing I ever try to do goes right, that he has to stop saying and doing things that make me feel bad because ALL I want for him is to feel as good as he can. It didn't help much but I could tell he at least made a note of it in his mind.

I am going to talk to the doctor about the brain scan because that is what I read the very most, that sclc moves to the brain quickly.

The good thing is that I DO have places to go with the kids should this situation arise and I also have the resources to take care of myself, and the kids, should I need to. My in-laws are also amazing, we have a terrific relationship, they are supportive, caring and VERY understanding of what I am dealing with (since they have seen it firsthand), they are just far away. My mom and a few of my friends have also been amazing.

I am smart and strong, independent and a firecracker when need be, so even as helpless as my cries out here are, with a little effort, I can power on through just about anything. I just really want my old hubby back and it is not that easy. And my old hubby just wants to be back and it makes him angry and scared that it isn't that easy and maybe not possible. And really, isn't that what everyone wants?

All of you have said different things that have permanently affected me and triggered some thought about an approach or perspective or whatever that I hadn't thought of, and it is invaluable. Thank you to all!

Flower

[Suzie Q]

I agree with Linda. Yes, he has been dealt a crappy hand. However, his abusive behavior must not continue. If that means he is left to fend for himself, so be it. Your safety and your childrens' safety ia paramount.

He needs to hear this, regardless if the behavior is from chemo, brain mets, or frustration! He must take his prescription meds, he must follow up with the doctor regarding a head CT or MRI, and if it helps to hear all this from an authority figure (his onc), then by all means, do it!

I know you love him; you are dedicated and have his best interests at heart. But you must preserve your family's health and stability. You would not allow a stranger to do this to you or to your kids, and you do not have to accept this from someone you love.

I wish you all the strength and support in the world.

[missyk]

Girlie (I think it's fun just to TYPE that! LOL)

I'm SO glad to see the renewed fighting spirit back and ready to kick some cancer a**!!

Vent away here...we all do at times and never bat an eye at someone else needing to do the same thing. Sometimes, as you've seen, there's some great ideas that come about for a "solution".

Hoping things are getting better!!

Lots of love and prayers comin' your way!

[sharyn]

Dear Flower.... You are an amazing person.... your husband is very lucky to have someone like you in his life and I am SURE he knows that. I don't have any "magic" words to say except that I agree with the idea that brain mets could be an issue here. I can understand your husband being bitter about the hand he was dealt, lord knows, i would be too, but, if this "mean" behavior is not in his normal demeanor, I would say the docs are missing a piece to this crappy puzzle. In the meantime, please know you are in my thoughts and I will pray that you keep holding things together until this storm passes. Love, Sharon