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jackieb410

How do I cope with my mom having LC?

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My mom was dx with LC today. The lung specialist just told her that it's StageIV and that she only has a couple months without treatment. My mom said she'll do whatever she can to fight this. I cried so hard. It's going to be so hard for her. She already had problems before getting cancer. Diabetes, High blood pressure, asthma, High cholestrol, She's on 11 meds for everything. Hasn't started treatment yet for LC. Oh and heart problems too. My mom is a mess. She's so tired and out of breath. I wish they could just treat that so her last days on earth are easy. But maybe the chemo will work and she'll still be here a year from now.

My mom just turned 73 so she's no spring chicken. But I want my mom to be here another 5 years or more.

I have two toddlers and I'm not sure what to say to them. I've told them Gma Betty is sick. I went to see her for a week before we knew how bad it was because I was so worried about her dying before I got to see her. She lives in CA and I live in AL. I wish I was just down the street.

my girls and my DH and I are going for Thanksgiving for a week. At least she'll get to see her youngest grandchildren again. I hope we can go again for Christmas.

How do you all cope with a loved one having LC? Especially those that aren't in the same State? I feel so helpless. My poor sis is taking care of mom everyday. I wish I could do something to help too.

I've always been so close to my mom. I'm the baby and I have always needed her. I'm going to be lost without her. And the hard part is I call her everyday to talk but she's so tired she usually hangs up after a few minutes or she might start crying and say she has to go. I just want to hug her.

Thanks for listening. Please pray for her.

Jackie

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Jackie-

Welcome- I am glad you found us. I am so sorry about your mom. I know the beginning of this journey is hard. Once your mom gets a treatment plan in place you will have a better idea of what you're dealing with. We have many members here with various other health issues that are doing pretty well. There are many treatments for older individuals. Let us know the particulars when you get them...hang in there.

Rochelle

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Welcome under the circumstances. Let us know of Treatment plan. Do not believe time lines. They are just numbers. Many here have beaten those numbers at least once since diagnosis. Let your Sis know about us. She can also register and Mom too if she wants to register.

I am glad your Mom wants to fight this disease. If you do not like what you hear, a second opinion is good to get. If you feel that your mom has more fight in her than the oncologist, a second opinion is needed. A onc. who will fight as hard as mom will fight is neccessary, not one that goes, " Oh, well, so sorry"

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Hello Jackie and welcome

I am sorry about your Mom's diagnosis. Please remember that statistics are nothing more than numbers and your Mom is an individual. Nobody can tell you how long she has. As Ry pointed out there are many members here on this site with other serious health issues who are fighting this and surviving.

This site is incredible. Please ask any and all questions you have as there is always someone around who can and will offer you answers, advice etc. Read through the survivors stories and the good news stories. There is so much hope here as well as support.

Let us know what you need and know we will be here to help you along the way,

My best to you and your family

Chris

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RandyW: If you feel that your mom has more fight in her than the oncologist, a second opinion is needed. An onc who will fight as hard as mom will fight is necessary, not one that goes, "Oh, well, so sorry."

Well said, and well worth repeating. Remember that the oncologist works for YOU, not the other way around!

P.S. Going for my third chemo session today. Will update/edit my profile soon, keeping in mind the person who said "I'd have made it shorter, but I ran out of time."

2nd P.S. Must have run out of time again, because it's even longer now. But hopefully better organized...

Aloha,

Ned

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Welcome, Jackie -- plenty of support and info here. Please keep us posted. My wife was 65 when diagnosed and, with treatment, she lived 4 years more, and had a good life. I agree to get a second opinion if your mom wants to fight it. Don

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Welcome Jackie: I am sorry to hear about your mom. I am glad to hear you mom wants to fight it. I think that attitude makes it easier to cope with the disease. You and your mom have my prayers.

Don M

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Welcome Jackie, so sorry you had to find us, but you have found the most caring, supportive and knowledgeable people on here.

I admire your mom as with all her health problems she has the fighting spirit in her. What a wonderful lady she is. Having that fight in her is half the battle and with treatment she may make it to those 5 year. Never give up hope!

It is so hard you being so far away, but calling her everyday is the key, even if it is just for a couple of minutes. She knows how much you love her.

Please keep us posted on her treatments. And I will add her to my prayers.

Maryanne

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Jackie,

You can’t believe any doctors estimate on how long one will live. I had stage IV. I was told that without treatment that I should go to Hospice. I was told with treatment that it would be 16 to 18 months. Well this month is my 16th month and I am cancer free. My oncologist does not give predictions he gives treatment that he believes will keep you alive. I like that. Since I will turn 70 in March, 73 still seems young to me. Best you can do for your mom is to keep in touch and pray a lot. You might ask if she has gotten a second opinion. Let us know when you know more about her treatment. Don’t hesitate to ask questions. We have lots of knowledge on this site.

Stay positive,

Ernie

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Jackie,

The others have all given you some great advice. Glad to hear that your mom is a fighter. This disease can be beaten, you just have to believe it. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. Please keep us posted on her progress.

God Bless,

Sharon

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Thank you all for your encouraging words. I'm hopeful that my mom can beat this. I'm just so mad at her GP. My mom is HMO and her doc was always about saving money not doing the tests she needed. Plus other health issues masked symptoms of LC. I just hope chemo works. How does everyone feel about acupuncture? My mom brought it up and I thought it would be worth trying. Thanks again for all your prayers. She sees the Onc on Thurs. I'll let you know what type of treatment they suggest.

Jackie

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Jackie:

Sorry you had the need to find us, but glad you did. I can't add much more than the others -- and I agree that a second, even third opinion is worth it if necessary: it's very important to have a medical team who are positive and willing to fight.

Isn't your mom covered by Medicare? Your mom might have more coverage potential than that GP is letting you know (all depends on your particular situation and choices your mom made when she signed up).

My mom was 74 at dx and also was on meds for (medication-induced) diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. None of those things seemed to interfere with treatment -- in fact, mom's blood pressure returned to normal during the course of things so she got to come off those meds.

From my own initial research when my mom was dx'd, your mom's age by itself should not be a factor in the decision to pursue treatment -- don't let any doctor throw an ageism prejudice at your family. "Elderly" folks can do just as well as folks in their 20s and 30s. The key is working with overall health status issues. Don't let anyone tell you that being in her 70's is some reason to not pursue treatment or that the "outlook" is somehow different because of age.

I've got no experience with acupuncture, but I'm sure others will be along to comment on that issue.

Keep us posted and we'll do whatever we can to support.

Linda

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Oh Jackieb, I am so sorry. There is nothing more heart breaking for an adult daughter than hearing her Mom cry on the phone. It really is the saddest feeling on Earth.

I've been there. My mom cried a lot right after my diagnosis because she thought lc was death sentence. She said she would change places with me and take my lc and the pain - if only she could.

Moms would do that. :(:cry::cry::cry:

You and your Mom are in my prayers. Barb

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{{{Jackie}}} Your post really tugged at my heart - I will never forget all the anguish, turmoil and tears that were shed when my mom was first diagnosed with lung cancer. It's all so overwhelming in the beginning, but as you learn about the different options and approaches to fighting it, you will find hope. Your mom appears to be a fighter, and with that attitude, and the love and support from you and your family, she will find the strength and hope to battle and win!

May peace be yours in this very trying time...

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Jackie,

Regarding the accupuncture, there are many complimentary things that mom can do to help her get through the chemo. I would definitely look into it as an adjunct to conventional therapy (chemo & radiation), it can't hurt. Good luck to you and mom. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

God Bless,

Sharon

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I am so f*ing mad! I just talked with my sis today and she and mom went to the onc and they told her that there is no treatment to help her. How can they say that????? I thought we could try Chemo or Tarceva or something. I know it's stage IV small cell and really, really bad. But I can't believe doctors would say, "Can't do anything." They are going to have Hospice call us tonight or tomorrow. So basically they tell my mom 2 months. They are giving her pain meds (Oxycotten sp?) and something for the cough. I'm just furious. I'm so ready to fight this and I felt like my mom was too. But now we're being told that there's nothing we can do. I think I'll insist on a 2nd opinion. I also want to try acupunture and diet to see if that can help. Maybe some self help tapes. But I'm really afraid that after what the docs told my mom today that she'll just give up and wait to die. I didn't get a change to talk much with her because of all the people at her house so I told her I'd call her tomorrow to talk. I bought a book tonight about healing cancer and what to eat to help fight it. I don't know if it's a waste but I'm just not ready to lose my mom. I'm also thinking about bringing her home with me after I visit her. I think if they aren't doing treatment anyway why would she have to stay there. I'm lucky that I have such good friends in my life. I called my doctor friend to ask her opinion and she said that I should get a 2nd opinion on treatment plan. Also I'm going to call the doc direct and talk with him. I want to know if he's thinking Chemo will be too hard on her or what. Also I had coffee with some great friends tonight who all held me in there arms. It was like God's arms around me giving me strength. I have to admit I cussed a bit at Him after I got off the phone with my sis. But we've made up now. LOL. I am grateful for this website/support group. Thank you so much. I need hope and faith during this life trial. Oh! one of my friends tonight said that a doctor in CA had cancer and started watching comedy movies all the time. The cancer went away and he's now in his 90's. Not sure if it's true but it doesn't sound like a bad way to go. Laughing. :)

Not giving up!

Jackie

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Jackie,

I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. Your Mom really does look like a beautiful lady. I would definitely seek a second opinion - in this situation, it just seems like the responsible thing to do. You will see on this website that there are people diagnosed with advanced cancers that end up with long terms survivals and good quality of life. My thoughts are with you.

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You go girl...you get mad and take action...

There are tons of people who have been told they had n0 chance or a few months to live and they out lived their "statistic"!!!

My husband was just diagnosed by 2 different Dr's with stage 4 nsclc and now because we went for more opinions...and didn't accept everything the other 2 Dr's had to say....we are at UCLA in California and they are saying he may not even have cancer...

How's that for a hoot....

Keep fighting...never, never, never give up...for you and your mom...

You, your family and your mom are now in my prayers and thougthts...sending healing energy your way...

Love,

Tracey Huguley :lol:

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Makes me mad just reading what you're now going through, Jackie (too many memories of locking horns with doctors myself, I guess)! Darn it!!!! Sounds like you're on the right track though.

You might try posting this situation in the sclc or general forum to get more viewing from other folks who have experience with what you're going through (especially since it sounds like the docs. are on a fast train to nowhere at the moment) -- folks with your mom's specific dx or who live near you/your mom might more readily respond with specific info. to help you quicker.

Keep us posted.

Linda

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Thanks. I'll try posting in the small cell. I guess it's just everywhere. I talked more with my mom and she's sounding a little lost. But I got the book, 50 Essential things to do. It sounds very positive. At the least it will make dealing with the disese more plesant. (If that's possible). I just hope she still has the fight in her. I think she just needs a little time to come to grips with what she's been told. I'm planning on calling the doc today. Wish me luck.

Love,

Jackie

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Jackie:

Sounds like you're on top of it really well, all things considered with what you've been hit with recently. I don't have experience with small cell -- my mom was non-small cell. All I learned here vicariously though, says that, while small cell is more aggressive, it tends to respond better to treatment than non-small cell. There is hope to be harvested.....hang in there with your efforts. Keep your chin and spirits up, you're doing great in the face of the whirlwind of emotions that hit us all at this stage.

Get the specifics of info. on sclc forum (at least) for more exacting and timely input to your needs when you can.

Best wishes to you and your mom,

Linda

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