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My mom's grandson is here...


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Hi everyone-

Just wanted to let you know I gave birth to my third child, and my mom's 15th grandchild, Conor Timothy, on Nov. 7th. He came two days after her what would have been my mom's 70th birthday, and just over three months after she left this life. He is a beautiful little boy with lots of dark hair. My mom would have worshipped him.

My husband, my two sisters and two of my nieces were there in the delivery room. I was thinking I would feel my mom's presence but it just felt empty where she would have been.

I have been almost too busy with the baby to cry over her not being here, but in the middle of the night when I'm feeding him I feel the tears come. She should be here with me, helping give him his first bath and bringing little presents for him, just like she did with my other babies. And now that the baby is here I have this feeling of what now? My sisters and I have thrown all of our emotions into getting this baby into the world healthy, it proved a good distraction up until now. Don't get me wrong, I love Conor with all of my heart and I'm so glad he's here...it's just not having Mom here makes it so much harder, and now that the holidays are approaching I feel the pain building. Thanksgiving without my mom at the helm is unthinkable - we are having it at my parents' house, as always, but it will not be the same without her. My sisters felt strongly about doing it there b/c my dad has been talking about selling the house since the day mom died - they wanted one last Thanksgiving there. My preference was to let sleeping dogs lie, let's just spare ourselves the pain and do it at someone else's house...every time I go there I have to look at the little crib she had set up in one of the bedrooms...already made up with sheets and full of stuffed animals. It's like a knife in my heart.

Anyway, I could babble on and on, but I have to go feed my little one - I barely have time to shower much less sit at the computer.

I read some of the latest posts and I am so very sorry to those of you that have lost your moms. Someone sent me a poem recently that I thought I would pass on:

She Lives Inside

Your mother is always with you.

She’s the whisper of leaves as you walk down the street.

She’s the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered clothes.

She’s the cool hand on your brow when you’re not well.

Your mother lives inside your laughter.

She’s crystallized in every teardrop.

She’s the place you came from, your first home.

She’s the map you follow with every step you take.

She’s your first love and nothing on earth can separate you.

Not time, not space, not even death will ever separate you from your mother.

You carry her inside of you – as she once carried you.

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Congratulation on your son. I am sooo sorry That your mom is not here (physically) with you. Trust me I know very well how nice it is to have them around when you come home from the hospital to share your joy.

I miss her so much too. This is my first holiday without her too and I am so scare of it, I don't know how I am going to cope. That God for our kids, they sure are a distraction, if wasn't for them I don't think I could had survived her death. Anyway hang in there, I hope they will give us the strenght to get through the holiday!

Happy thanksgiving


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Many Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful little boy.

I can only imagine how sad you are that your mom is not here to share it with you. You know, the story you told about having Thanksgiving at your Mom and Dads house... and how hard it would be. I have something that I want to say to you, you spoke of the little crib that your Mom had all ready for your little son. On thanksgiving, put your little boy in that bed that Mom had prepared for him... it would mean the world to her. That was her way of preparing for her new grandchild, let him rest in the bed his grandmother had prepared for him with loving hands... it will bring things full circle. I will be praying for you. Love, Sharon

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