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Husband is back in the hospital

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Well, we had to make a trip to the emergency room yesterday for profuse vomiting, nausea and lethargy with a twist of extreme anxiety. What a weekend this has been...It turns out his sodium level is dangerously low and it takes a long time to raise the levels because it could kill him...??? Also, the on-call doctor mentioned that in the PET results, they saw lesions in his back area (possible bone??? and our oncologist never mentioned this???) and ordered an x-ray for a second look. The x-ray showed nothing and my husband did the, "see, I told ya nothing's there routine." A new oncologist came to see him in the hospital and wanted to order an MRI and my husband refused it. He said his doctor is going to cure him and he doesn't need anyone else's "thoughts". : :roll: I feel frustrated because I think that since he (new oncologist) is there, it would behoove him (husband) to be open minded to what other opinion's are, given his prognosis. I am not sure if it matters if there are mets to other places if chemo is his only option anyway. Any thoughts on any of this???

I came home to rest for a little bit so rest I better do.

More time off work and more pay I will not be getting and I do not know how I am supposed to keep everything afloat anymore.

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I was thinking of you over this long weekend as I hadn't recalled an update in a while.

I'm so sorry for this crisis.

As far as mets being spotted somewhere else in his body, it is my understanding that the chemo will reach those places too (just not brain because of the blood brain barrier). So if chemo is being done, I don't know that a different place being spotted would make a difference. The chemo will be in his system (that's how mom's doc explained it) So have faith that treatments which ar e being done are going to work.

And as far as keeping afloat. I gotta tell you, I'm just not sure there is a "how". I think you just proceed.

Prayers to you. God bless.

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Hi there..

Sorry to hear about the set back your husband had. Dehydration is a very dangerous thing.

Forgive me if I'm out of line here but I think your husband is suffering from a terrible case of depression and fear. I know you said that he doesn't want to take depression medicine but I would talk with his doctors perhaps. I think that could be just as tough on him physically is anything else.I think his reluctancy to talk to another doctor (because his doctor is going to cure him) and his refusal for an MRI to me indicate that he is in the grips of some terrible anxiety. I agree that he may want to talk to another doctor. But that's tough to do.. I think he's afraid of what he will hear. He may be so afraid that he's willing to stay with a treatment that may or may not be the best because this doctor has said that he will cure him. He's willing to do that rather than hear another doctor tell him that he can't be cured or that he can't be treated. I may be wrong but as they say in MHO I really think the two of you need to discuss this. he has a right to bury his head in the sand and stick with one doctor no matter what but if that's his choice you have to let go and believe that this is his decison. Right or wrong you can't change it and it's out of your hands. If you don't do that you may feel guilty for not trying to convince him.. and that's not your role. Just support him and let him make the decision.

If he is willing acknowledge his fear but encourage him. Many of us will could state that if we wouldn't have had a second opinion we may not be here. After several surgeries and treatments I was given no hope.. I had to beg several doctors to even look at me but I finally found one who consented to operate, he did and I'm still here. Honestly, I don't know if I would have the courage or fortitude to do that now. Too many things have happened in my life and I'm tired.

Try to also take care of you. I know what it's like to go without pay and try to hold everything together. I was single at the time with 3 kids who depended on me. I went to surgery and appointments alone and tried to work through it all. Watching my savings, my credit, my everything go down the tubes.. It IS hard. I don't know how you do it..?? you just put one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Care for yourself, and don't beat yourself up. You make the best decisions you can and you do as much as you can. You are doing a great job, you really are. No one knows how tough it is till you do it.

Lot's of us here "get it" we've been there. Vent ask questions etc. all you want. There is so much knowledge and support here.

I'll be praying for both of you..

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I'm praying that your husband gets better. I personally think that like my husbands' case it can get so so confusing with everyone imputing their opinions, good and or bad.

If you haven't already, you may want to pull aside his oncologist and have a private talk. Of course your husbands' relationship w/ his onc. is the number one relationship, but you need to, if you haven't already establish one w/ his onc as well. The reason I say this is that treatment(s) can get overwhelming and complicated.

Please PM me if you need to talk or if I can help you out...


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"Flowergirlie" I am not sure if it matters if there are mets to other places if chemo is his only option anyway. Any thoughts on any of this???

While only chemo is used on sclc, I believe other procedures could be available for tumors from mets.

But Pet scans show a lot of lesions. The lesion could be the beginning of arthritis, muscle strain, inflammation or a hundred other things. Your Oncologist probably didn't mention it if the SUV values were low, or that the CT portion of the PET/CT scan showed no definable tumor.

I have read your other posts. You are in a tough spot.

If you have explained to your husband how you feel in a supportive and non-threatening way it is all you can do. He sounds like he is in major denial. That isn't uncommon. At first I was to. Whatever the Oncologist said was good by me. I didn't want to know the ugly truth of this horrid monster.

But this monster can only be beaten if we as patients look it square in the eye and spit. Knowledge is king. Look up knowledgeable and mainstream information sources on sclc. Know your enemy. Fight it.

Let him know you understand his fears, his pain and can't imagine how he is coping with all the stress. Let him know you are frustrated and worried because you can't help and you want to. Since you can't help , or are not allowed to help by him, maybe the two of you could work with his Oncologists together. Become his cancer partner. Learn with him.

But most importantly You need care now also. This is very hard on caregivers. The stress is probably as significant for you as it is for him. His cancer can seriously ruin your health. Get your own professional help to get through this.

You are in our prayers.

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I don't have a lot of advice to give, but I do appreciate the situation where the patient and the spouse aren't in total sync on how to handle things. I too am in the first couple months of dealing with this and even being able to fully accept it.

For us, the best way has been to have lots of conversations about how we each feel -- being totally honest, and really trying to get where each other is coming from. That was hard for me at first, because in my thought process, how could my husband not want to get 2nd and 3rd opinions?! I didn't get it. We're now still discussing things a lot and making some compromises on how we move forward, and sometimes it's really frustrating for both of us, but mostly we understand and work it out where we're both okay with the choices.

It's important that he understand how you're feeling and why you believe what you do. It's also crucial for him to feel comfortable with the medical choices and to feel some sense of control. It's a hard balance, and one that must be especially difficult to reach while he's feeling so bad physically.

My thoughts are with you -- hang in there,

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