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bware21

The Blame Game

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Thank you Jamie for being so candid and sharing your experiences with all of us. Bill's posts have a way of doing that to ya, huh? LOL

I smoked too until my dad's dx.. Never thought LC was a reality (lived in a cloud I guess) And until anyone has been addicted, they can't fully know how difficult it is to quit. BUT it IS do-able! And the all around benefits of being a non smoker are enormous.

They key to quitting--- keep trying until you succeed!

Hugs,

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Hey Kim,

To address your writing first: The main reason I ditched out of school at the age of 15 was because I was told I should forget about writing and think about a "proper" job, like coal mining -- and this was from a school that produced the odd statesman or two. The same attitude you experienced. It's as if to be a writer you must be successful, with success being defined by how much you earn and where you are published -- utter nonsense. It's the process of writing that brings the reward, not the end result. I've written some really awful stuff in my time but thoroughly enjoyed every minute of the process. And if there's one thing I know about words, it's this: nomatter how clever and cute you think you are when you put pen to paper, the words will have no meaning unless the sincerity is there to back them up. One of the reasons Dickens is my favourite author is simply because I know he never wrote a damn thing he didn't believe in. No doubt the same was true for Steinbeck and all the great writers. Offer any of them all the riches they could wish for and not one would write a word unless it meant something to them personally. For me, the best example of the worst form of writing is political speechwriting -- heavy in elegant variation and not an ounce of substance. Kim, your writing is powerful because the words reach out and touch the reader. And that's what they're supposed to do, nothing more. Write as much as you can. It exercises the brain and empowers the spirit :)

Ah, that dreaded smoking thing: Here's the deal -- I did indeed start my regimen yesterday ... and failed from the onset. I had my first cigarette at 8:30AM, not 9:00AM as planned. I did manage to keep it at one per hour for the first 3 hours then fell right back into my old ways. Now I'm on Plan B (subsection IV, paragraph 5a), which is to stop this afternoon -- cold turkey, as you say. Already I suspect I've set myself up for failure ... otherwise why would I wait until this afternoon? I had considered "lying" to you and telling you that I would start the plan with you tomorrow (in the hope that it would get you on track), then I thought better of it -- this isn't the place for playing games. SPARK OF INSPIRATION: I already know my "cold turkey" idea for this afternoon isn't going to work, even though I thought the idea quite brilliant. :D

So, how about you and me go back to Plan A commencing tomorrow (Monday)? But remember, you cannot have a cigarette before 9:00AM and must not smoke more than one per hour thereafter. Let's take it step-by-step and make this the rule until Friday (5 days). Come next Saturday morning, and assuming that we achieve this initial goal, we can then agree on the next step together. And by the way, this doesn't give you license to stay up all bloody night smoking, only to tell me "well, I did only smoke one per hour." :D

I'll be honest about my progress (or lack of it) and you must do the same. The only flexibility in this plan is that -- at any time -- you are allowed to quit altogether, if by some miracle you get the urge and the strength to go for it (same for me). I know you can do it, Kim, because I know how much you want to. You won't be letting me down if you don't manage to stick 100% to the plan. To hell with that, we'll just start again. And in any case, even if it meant you reduced you smoking by just one cigarette a day then that in itself would be an achievement. Oh yeah, I wrote "IDIOT" on my pack of cigarettes, just to remind me of my own failings every time I reached for them. That didn't work, so now I'm going to write "CONGRATULATIONS" on the pack to let me know just how successful I intend to be. :D

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Bill

Thanks for the writing advise and it certainly gave me a new perspective. Maybe one day that too will present itself to me as the time to write.

I am all ready to begin tomorow but as I said before the 9am thing is going to be my downfall, and knowing that upfront I am either going to change my start time to earlier in the morning, or even just to smoke a cigarette an hour is less than I am smoking now. I smoke about a pack and half a day, which is down about a pack over say 2 years ago. I need to set a goal that is attainable, so that I will feel as I have accompished something. You know kinda like the dieting, if you see results even if only a pound or 2 you are more apt to continue on. I am still debating on the patch. After hearing that most all saw no results with them, I am not as sure now. ALthough that new drug Chantix looked very promising , although not alot of information out on it yet. I am going to call my doctor in the morning and see what he thinks.

I have no troubles admitting my failures if it all doesnt work, but for someone who as never made any sort of effort to quit, this is a huge step for me, and I know that relapsing one hour and smoking 2 is not going cause me to throw it all away. I am going to do this. I dont know what it was in your posts that has so drawn me in, I looked forward to trying this with you and wish you the very best of luck. I will be checking in as often as I can throughout the week.

Kim

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Wow, I have just spent the past 1/2 hour reading all the prior posts on this thread... Bill, you have a gift, you truly do. A gift you have chosen to share with us as your writing has a distinct way of capturing my attention and after reading your words feeling as though my life has been touched by someone quite special. I thank you.

My Dad passed from LC two years ago this December 14th... he began smoking at the age of 12, picking up old cigarette butts off the streets in Limerick Ireland. He died at the age of 79, never quitting for one day in between. He fought for 3 1/2 years with Stage IV cancer, and never once did I "lecture" him about his smoking. Although, I felt strongly that I wished he had quit years before, so possibly we could have not been touched by LC, I felt by the time of diagnosis, the damage had been done. Also, being a former "heavy" smoker (I quit at the age of 27 just about 20 years ago), I knew how tough it could be and with the pressures of his diagnosis, I wasn't going to approach the subject of kicking his habit with a ten foot pole.

I further read that you and Kim are on a journey together to try to quit your smoking habit. A few pointers from me to you.... as much as possible, try to change your "normal" every day routines.... if you wake up in the morning and sit in a certain chair and have your coffee and cig.... sit in a different chair tomorrow morning, or sit in a different room... it is amazing how much the addiction is psychological as well as physical. I found that by just changing some of my daily habits, the habit of lighting up became less urgent.

I wish you both luck and if you succeed... thats awesome, and if you don't... its awesome you tried. Hey, it is what it is right??? :wink::wink:

Love, Sharon

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I did that too. At the time, I worked downtown, so I starting coming in a different door of the highrise where there were no smokers. In the morning, instead of going outside for a smoke, I walked around my bedroom, turned on the radio and spent some extra time on myself getting ready in the morning. I also NEVER went inside anywhere were cigarettes were sold. I always paid at the pump as to not go inside and began shopping in stores that did not sell cigarettes.

I changed all my routines and avoided anything that would "help" me cheat in anyway. I also avoided cocktails completely. Shoot, I didn't have a drink for like 2 years because I didn't think I could handle the need for a cigarette while drinking. Now, I can have 2 margaritas and not remember the rest of the night! Nice! LOL

If I didn't have access, I couldn't cheat. The withdrawls and the "habit" of "doing" it got lessened and that is how I worked my way thru my quit.

Also- I did things to keep my hands busy. I bought a book at Walmart (You CAN crochet!) and taught myself to crochet and made blankets for everyone! I cracked sun flower seeds and I got on the ski machine like a maniac....I won't lie- I ate bunches too.

But it works. Keep trying. Whatever happens, and whatever obstacles come in your way, just keep trying.

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Kim and Bill,

I have to share with you how I finally kicked the habit. I started smoking around the age of 9 or 10. As a teen I smoked about a pack a day. As an adult it was close to 2 packs a day. I was a pilot with Eastern Airlines and had a special job of moving aircraft around for maintenance and flying aircraft with an engine inoperative. We would pull 24 hour tour of duty that we spent in the terminal at Kennedy Airport. We had our own rooms to rest sleep and smoke. The smoking when flying the line, regular flights was no less. At the age of 35 after I had quit several times. I got mad. I think my anger and stubbornness is what helped me quit. I was overweight, so I used the excuse I don’t want to gain any more weight, so I can’t quit. Every time I started smoking again it was usually when I was having a couple of drinks and I would bum a smoke from a friend, and away we would go. So I said to myself I am going to win this time no matter what. I quit cold turkey. I also quit drinking and went on a strict diet. In 6 months I lost 35 pounds, didn’t have a drop to drink and never had another smoke. That’s been 34 years ago. I do drink a little wine today, but because smoke nauseates me I never have the erg to smoke.

If this helps either of you or someone who happens to read it, then it’s been worth posting.

Stay positive, :lol:

Ernie

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Well I got off to a roaring start. Woke up as usual about 430am and began my day as normal, and not a hour and half later I am sitting here and remember I was going to taper my smoking starting this morning. How could I have forgotten something that I was so excited to start? UGG, I am not going to use this as an excuse to not do it, but starting right now at 6am I am going to go with one smoke an hour. So, yes I am going to light one now and get it in under the mark, I have 4 minutes...Good luck to you Bill

Kim

PS..Its kinda funny when I see people talking about Bill and Kim, as Bill is my brothers name and I have seen Bill and Kim all my life.

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Hey Bill....Wowwww!!!!...I have so much to do day and yet I sit here glued to the computer reading all your posts...and like it or not Bill...I go along with Jamie...I think you ARE awesome... :)

I love reading your posts and one minute saying.."no I am not going to stop smoking and the next minute saying "I am"...that makes me think you REAlly want to ...I wish the very best for you and Kim and for anyone else who takes the 'plunge"...Salute!!!...(best wishes in Italian)

Now let me stick my 2 cents in there a bout smoking...I was a pretty good smoker and tried to stop 6 times and failed...and then one day some thing on my friends website and something she said about smoking hit me like a ton of bricks and I said.."that is it"...I am going to stop 'cold turkey" I had already tried all the other methods to stop to no avail...I KNEW it had to be me to want to stop...not by some artificial means...I had 2 cigs left in my pack and I said "screw it...I will not even smoke those 2 and threw them right in the trash...I can't say it was easy...I didn't even want to get up in the morning knowing that I couldn't smoke"...

That has been 7 and a half years ago...and never touched another one...

I got no support from none of my family..not even my husband...because they all knew how many other times I had stopped and alway's failed..I felt like a complete failure and so weak...But..YOU KNOW WHAT... that actually was the biggest support I could have gotten....Being an Italian hard head that I am...I thought..."I'll show you"...and the rest is history...be 8 yrs in May...and thennnnnn...I got Lung Cancer..go figure...anddd to boot..my LC was BAC..the kind that does not come from smoking..

So all that being said...Bill and Kim I wish you the best...we all know it is not easy...but just think about it...it is very doable...I will be looking forward to your posts on your progress...and if you fail...so what???...start again...be strong and don't let those damn ciggies run your life...

Hugs to all and hope everyone has a great day...PamS..

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Hey Kim,

Boy, are you an early riser. Me too, and at 4:30AM I can well understand how you could forget your own name let alone anything else. Hope you've managed to cut back on your smoking since you remebered. If not, there's always tomorrow. For some strange reason I've managed to keep to the plan. It's now 11:14AM and I've had just the 3 cigarettes -- that's not to say I'll succeed but so far so good. Oh yeah, I did get some help. Instead of getting up and heading for the coffee pot, which is my usual routine, I plonked myself in front of the TV and got engrossed in the Discovery Channel. I happened to flick on the TV during a docu-drama called Battle for Rome. Normally I don't like docu-dramas as the "drama" portion tends to cloud the facts, but this show is so well done it had me hooked. Ancient Rome has always been a strong interest of mine, ever since reading Suetonius, and the two episodes I saw this morning managed to get all the facts right as well as present the drama in splendid fashion. Now I have to do a search and find out if there's a box set of this programme available. For anyone interested in Anceient Rome but doesn't want to plough through the piles of literature out there, this is the best show I've seen since the BBC's I Claudius back in the 70's.

Good luck, Kim -- keep me posted.

Bill

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Well...SO far so, I wont say good, but acceptable. I think there have been a few times I smoked more than one an hour, and actually a few more times that I didnt smoke one at all during the hour. My biggest problem lies in that fact that I am now working from home sitting here at the computer for 4 hours straight. I am happy nonetheless with my progress. Another difficult spot for me is in the car. My daughter forbids me to smoke on the drive to school as she doesnt want to smell like smoke and I dont blame her, so I am trying to completely eliminate the car smoking, not just when she is with me. I have told no one other than you guys what I am trying to do, I guess I think if I dont tell then I cant fail, as no one will know the difference.

ALso I normally buy my cigarettes 2 cartons at a time, and it was time to restock yesterday and although the cost is greater I just bought 3 packs.

I still have not been able to come up with a begin time, I just start from the hour I get up. Giving up that first smoke in the morning will be the most difficult.

I hope Bill you have been able to achieve some success as well. I think that any amount you smoke that is less than before is success. Keep on and dont give up, thats what I keep telling myself. Just because I mess up one hour I am not going to just quit trying.

Have a good day all

Kim

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Kim,

Glad you updated. Iam proud of you. Keep it up girl, you can do this.

I wonder what happen to Bill. I hope he didn't smoke himself into oblivian... :shock::D

Keep us posted Kim.

Maryanne :wink:

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Well a week has passed, and I am still a smoker although I have dramatically cut back. I have found that if I keep my cigarettes in another room that I will not get up and go get them and the thought passes. Especially sitting here and working I cannot just get off the phone/computer and run in my room to get them. So when I get ready for my 4 hours of work I bring me 4 cigarettes to my desk. I have made my 3 packs of cigarettes I bought last Thursday last until today, Ihave 3 left as of right now. I am happy with my progress, and plan to continue with the one an hour another week, as I really think I am amoking even less than that, I am going to start a log today so I can better track when I am smoking.

Noramlly I dont like to go eat at places I cannot smoke, and yesterday I took my daughter and her boyfriend to lunch, and I picked the place and it was a non smoking resturant. I had no trouble not smoking after eating, its just such a habit, and then I cannot smoke in the car with Lindsey so it was another 20 minutes or so before i smoked, so overall we started with an hour at Petsmart and the Vet, then lunch, so about 3 hours during the day and no cigarette. I was proud of myself. I have still told no one what I am doing, and am just hoping my daughter catches on without me having to tell her.

Bill? Any luck? No worries if not, I am just thankful for your idea and everyones encouragement. Although i feel I was sucessful this week I am by no means ready to quit all together, but I am looking at the 1st of the year as thats always a good time. Noramlly I stay as far away from New Years resolutions as I can, but maybe this year I will make one...

Have a good week everyone

Kim

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