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Hi all it has been a while since i've posted anything but joke's and hopefully spirit up lifting comment's. But now i have a question, that is i've noticed for quite some time since my Wife was DX'ed untill and after her Death that i'm more sensitive or thin skinned more so since all this began. I used to be able to take joking and most bad comment's with a stride. Now minor disagreement's upset me and far to often taken personal. Same with teasing me. My question is is this my old age (66) or have other's felt the same way. So often like at work i feel like i do not fit in any more, so i'd appreaciate you guy's thought's and do not be afraid of hurting my feeling's as i do get over it...Larry

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I know how you feel. I am younger and feel the same way. All i want to do is be home in my safety zone and left alone by the world most days. I go throught the motions ecvery day but it is not the same and never will be again. I think sometimes we feel a little guilty about having to face life without anyone to talk to and suppoort us like so many others do. I talk to DaisyDawg every day and Deb every nite with a beer outside but it is not the same and never will be.

Printing out my Xmas letter while I am typing this. It is so sad that I really don't have the usual good news like we are great this year and Glad to be going strong but!!

We live our lives so differently than we used to. It is kind of like getting diagnosed and we have to get used to a "New Normal Life" I think. Much like the survivors and Fighters here. It takes time to do this. We have to rediscover being happy all over and finding the Joy that we had before. The holidays do not help a lot. Everyone has reason to be happy with theor families and we are robbed of family members.

Nah, It is not your old age, I am younger and I understand perfectly I think what you are saying. We will be ok in time but just not 100% ok. Thanks for the Laughs too. They help a lot and mean a lot. Sending Prayers tonite For ya!!!!

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First of all, just want to echo the appreciation for the laughs. Some nights that is the first forum I go to, because it is the one I need the most.

I know I am more sensative. I'm hoping that my realization is at lesat part way to dealing with it. I feel like I'm constantly apologizing for being in a mood. I've even told (warned) my students when I was having a rough day.

Hang in there. eventually we'll all make it through...together.

Until then, did you hear the one about the rabbi the priest, and the juggling duck? :wink:

:) Kelly

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Hi Larry, I see most things from the perspective of "death's doorstep" now.

The rest of the world (including my hubby) seem caught-up in the little details of life. They can't see the big picture. :)

I am not the same person I used to be. That person died the day she got the diagnosis.

Guess that's why I feel different too.


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I'm definitely "less fun" and "more serious" these days. I've actually been called out by a coworker one day. "It's so much more quiet around here, somedays I don't even know you are here". No kidding Sherlock Holmes. I'm a changed man.

I don't think my changes are the same as yours, but there have been changes. I equate my increased seriousness and heightened sensativity to the feelings of others to the fact that I'm no longer a child (my mother is gone) and I have now seen we're mortal and here for a relatively short time.

Oh, and I'm 32...so it's not age.

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Strange Larry, I have the extreme opposite problem. I have become sooo cold about things and make a joke of every single thing. People are often taken back at my "hardness and insensitivity" I have lost seven immediate family members in the last 11 yrs. It has all hurt so much I find my heart has hardened and I hardly feel anything anymore. I suppose it's all "normal" in one way or another.

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Larry.. it is interesting how C changes things. Whether you yourself had it, you are caring for someone with it or lost someone to it.

I think it does change things, it changes alot. How we change seems to be individual though. You seem more thinned skinned and take things personally others seem colder?? I really wish that when I started down this road not only did the doctors come up with a treatment plan I also think they should come up with a "therapy or a plan" for how this may affect your personaility, your mind, your life. what happens next.. during treatment, after treatment etc. I really believe they are overlooking a great need.

Cancer has changed my outlook, my personality everything. I'm no longer the person I was at all and the farther I have come from treatment the more I am changing in many ways. I no longer have the patience and smiling acceptance of people I used. I cannot and do not listen and sympathize with people as they weep and complain about their inability to take that 2nd vacation this year or the fact that they had to do some overtime at work last Saturday. The fact that their mother still treats them like a child when they visit every weekend or even at every holiday. I tend to isolate myself much more now. At work, around people I consider friends, even just walking in stores or being out and about. I guess I could be considered rude. I don't want to be around groups or folks chatting away and listening to their holiday plans, vacation getaways and private schools for kids. Where the biggest thing in their life is the fact that they can't chose which patio furniture they are going to buy this year...

I don't remember that being a concious decision but I retreat more and more. I'm not really fun and don't enjoy life anymore, except with my kids. All my days seem to amount to are endless complications, pain and being disillusioned with people and situations.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I think it's normal after everything you have been through. You have lost your love and you are wounded and have every right to feel vulnerable and thinned skinned. As time passes that may change and you may build yourself up again. However, I don't think things will ever be quite the same as before.

Thanks for the jokes.. the just for fun forum is one of my favorites and it gives me a lift everyday.


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Hi Larry,

I can relate and I am 39. Ok I'm really 41. BUT the point is that Since Mom's diagnosis and even more so since her passing I have become very very very thin skinned. So sensitive about everything. Less tolerant for sure - It seems like there are a lot more idiots around too! (for me anyway). And the thing that amazes me so is how my self confidence and how I feel about myself has really taken a beating. I don't understand why but it has. Its like when I lost Mom I lost most of myself. I seriously felt as if I'd lost a limb or vital organ. I keep telling myself its just part of the grieving process and it will get better. It has to with time. I think when we lose someone so close we do lose a part of ourselves. A part that will grow back with love and memories of our loved ones. Its a huge adjustment and it takes time. A lot of time.

So know that you are not alone. We are right there with you!


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Hey guy's you've all made me feel better and it felt much better to share this struggle with the one group of people who would relate and understand. I would like to thank each and every one of you and i'd like to offer ACCOLADES to SNOW FLAKE as she privately helped me to see thing's in it's light. This is from a lady who is struggling hard with her own problem's, i know you all are too and GOD BLESS and take each of you in his comfort..... Larry

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For sure a cancer diagnosis changes your perspective on life. For quite a while I was very impatient with people and what I saw as "trivial" problems. I did become critical of others for not supporting me as I felt necessary. Some people totally disappeared, others would only talk about "happy" things till I was ready to scream. I wanted someone to really listen when I was down in the dumps and worried I wouldn't make it to the end of the year. There was no one. Those closest to me, I realized, were in denial. And I was facing a good chance of dying.

Then when my daughter passed, even more people began disappearing from the radar. This was just too much for them to face. When they were around me they felt, maybe, that this horrible cloud over me could be catching, so they disappeared. At work, I was the oldest person and had been thru so much that I noticed whenever someone had a "life problem" I had to stop myself from chiming in with "I've been there, done that" so as a result, I said nothing. It was very lonely, that's for sure.

This board has been my sounding board - and the people on here, including you, Larry, have been so wonderful and helpful to me. I can't imagine how I could have gone on without you folks.

I found, Larry, as time goes on, the pain does ease and yes, you're a changed person, but life can still be good. It's very different, but there are still many blessings if we look for them.

Joanie ((()))

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