Donna Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Dear Family, I am in need of help desperately..I cannot cope any longer with Mark's death..I cannot continue to live my life as I knew it when mark was with me.. I don't leave the house, I don't want to talk to my family, I hardly function any more..mark took my very being with him.. What can I do? I need help..I admit I need the help of a professional..This is bigger than I am..I am drained of the life I once had.. I need to know that my dear brother is ok..Why is he not letting me know? I came here because this is where I feel loved and understood.. I am not crazy, I am in pieces... I pray and pray for God's strength..Please keep me in your prayers..I need them right now.. Love, Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carolhg Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 No Donna you are certainly not crazy! You are heartbroken and you are grieving. PLEASE do what you know that your brother would want you to do. Live! Live and help fight this terrible disease of lung cancer. In your brothers memory find a passion and live for that. Live to honor him and cherish his memory. My prayers are for you right now. Carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tracey Huguley Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 You are in my prayers... I've had friends whose family members have died and they went to face to face grieving groups...said it helped them.... You may want to try that... If you feel you need professional help...don't hesitate...I've experience depression before and a good professional can be very helpful... Love, Tracey Huguley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cindi o'h Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Oh Donna, He was such a special light in your life. Mark was the best friend and brother and mentor. He held a very important role in your life. Of course you are empty without his presence. Naturally it will take a long time to adjust your life without his vigor and guidance. I went to see a grief counselor a couple of times. I think it helped me get over a bump or two. Cried my puffy eyes out, I remember that much. Faucets full blast. Hope you can find a way to see yourself through. Remember... if what you have been trying doesn't seem to be helping, then try something else. Okay? love, Cindi o'h Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 I know how you feel. I went throught the same way for a while after Deb passed away. I still have days like that, but not as many as I used to. Do not let his Death drag you down. This is a link that i use sometimes just to read and get a little hope out of. I hope it helps some. http://beyondindigo.com/ Sending prayers for comfort and strength to day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 (((Donna))), I understand, I really do . I have my extreme ups and downs. A part of every day I cry. The holiday season makes those feeling worse. Today , as I was driving, Christmas music was playing and I just started crying and the pain of missing Mike was so so intense. It was 9 months yesterday that he passed away, how could that be? Grief affects all of us differently and it seems to come in waves with me. I hope you get the help you need. God Bless. Love and Prayers, Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 My heart goes out to you Donna as I really thought after all this time you were coping. But I see you are still grieving so much... too much. This scares me. You must take care of yourself for Mark as well as you. I believe that if you greive too much you may be holding your brother back from going on up there as he is worried about you that you are keeping him earthbound. That is just my opinion. I feel a soul will hang around their love ones until they know they can cope. He is worried about you. This is not good. Please get that professional help or at least see your primary to get some medication. Mark loves you and wants you to be happy and live your life, as life is so short and he does not want you to spend it grieving about him when he is okay. I hear you crying out, but you must help yourself. Just do it. Make an appointment and get help. Prayers sent to you. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jyoung20 Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Donna, I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time now!!! Definately seek help if you think you need it. I also want to let you know that we will always be here for you!! I wish I could take your pain but I can only offer comfort. Love ya and God's Peace, Jamie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppie Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Sweetie, If I could I would put my arms around you. I would take you shopping. I would plant you a garden (yes even in Winter) i would take you out to dinner. Getting busy is one way to get up and out of the muck of grief. I hate to put it that way but at some point you are going to want to, need to and it will ok to do so. I wish I could see you and maybe light a fire in your fireplace....grief can;t warm ya like the love of friends. Here is the love. TIme will heal us all. Eppie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 Donna, my heart hurts for you. Your words are eloquent, and reach right across to me. You have to firmly decide that you will be ok, that you are the one that has to go on, and that you will do so in honor of your brother. You also need in person support - you need to talk this through, maybe many times. I urge you to find someone to help you with this. I know also that in times like this, we have to force ourselves to go through the motions of routine activity, and that it all seems meaningless and as if it demands just too much energy. Force yourself! It is work, but you need to do it. In the meantime, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us all posted frequently. MC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daggiesmom Posted December 3, 2006 Share Posted December 3, 2006 You and Mark had such a close relationship and being without him is like losing half of yourself. ((())) Grief counseling is good; it helped Brian & I deal with Jen's death, but it takes time. Also, I think this time of year brings up many deep emotions and memories that hit very hard. I will pray for you, Donna. Please pm me if you just need to talk. I'm here for you. Joanie ((())) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Oh Donna - We went through so much of this together, and I do understand how you feel. I will PM you. You are too strong to give up like this -- this is not you. Mark *is* alright, in fact he is an glorious place. I beleve that you believe that.....take strength in knowing that. when I get so down I just can't deal, I remind myself that my mom would be furious with me for feeling this way. I am dreading Christmas. I am dreading the one year anniversary. My heart aches everyday.....but, I do stay busy, I do set small goals of things to look forward to as I believe my dad does as well. Your heart is broken, but you are a beautiful soul -- I KNOW you are strong, now you have to convince yourself to find enjoyable things in life..they are there. So much love to you, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 I cannot thank all of you enough for all your kind words and support as always..I find peace and comfort here, I don't find it in other places or talking to other people as they do not understand.. We all share a special bond, and I love and thank you all.. I could never have done this alone from the time Mark was diagnosed, till now..I will probably always be with you, since I love you all.. You understand my feelings and always help me to help myself.. I realize I do need help and I am going to go for it.. I am admitting this is bigger than I could ever imagine..it hurts so much..I never felt hurt like this before.. I lost my dad, mother, husband and now Mark..Through all those deaths, Mark was by my side and we grieved together..When my husband died, my daughter was only 3 months old..Mark was the best brother ever, he helped me raise Donna Marie till she was 8 and I remarried.. I was so blessed to have him as a brother and friend.. When he was a kid, he had asthma. I would always watch over him and worry about him..When he was diagnosed with this MONSTER, I cried my heart out but always had faith he would make it through.. I believed God would hear my prayers.. I am catholic and go to church every week. That is the only place I find peace, other than talking to all of you.. I was always taught not to question God, but I find myself wanting to ask Him so many questions... My daughter Donna Marie, is now 21 and the hurt in her heart is so real and she just worries about me.. I feel like a fool, my whole family lost their loved one too..This is not all about me..Why are they not suffering like I am? How are they going on with their lives? Maybe I am not as strong as God thinks I am..I know Mark is very sad looking down on me..I also know how selfish I am being..I know the answers to all of this but can't stop the tears or hurt.. I want to go to the cemetery to put flowers for him, but I stay away because I cannot look at his name on the grave..I don't want to see his name there and can not accept it..I am trying so hard to keep him alive and with me.. I pray and pray day after day..Why is God not hearing me? I ask Him for strength and I don't get it..All of you are so strong and I can help when you need me, but I cannot help myself..I have always been a very strong person..Where is the Donna I once was? I feel like Mark took a part of me with him.. Again, I want to say..I love you all and thank you so very much, from the bottom of my broken heart for always being here for me.. I pray for each and every one of you every night..I think God is tired of hearing me.. God Bless you one and all, and thanks for being the wonderful family you have been to me.. Love, Donna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharyn Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Dear Donna, Your post just touched my heart. I am so sorry you are feeling so alone and lonely right now without your brother at your side. I read that you lost your mom, dad and husband and Marks passing has affected you tremendously. I think that the reason your grief is so all consuming is because you have lost your Mom, Dad, husband and now Mark... it has kindof reached a peak, if that makes any sense at all? I know you are upset about not getting any messages from Mark. You know what? I bet you get them all the time. You are just looking so hard for them, that you don't see them and their right in front of you. My mom is so funny, she was talking to me the other day... telling me she wished she got a sign from Dad. And in the same breath she tells me how the other night, her clock on the clock radio in the kitchen was moved ahead one hour... now, I say to her, MOM.... didn't I tell you that the psychic I went to said that Daddy plays with the clock radio in the kitchen to let you know he is around?????? And she says Oh yeah..... I just thought I would really REALIZE it when it happened. So, my point being, she is looking so hard for signs... she is missing them when he sends them to her... Knowing how much your brother loved you and the bond you had... I just really believe he has tried to show you that he is okay. I am here for you Donna if you ever want to talk, just PM me.... Love, Sharon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 OH Donna. I am so sorry to read your post. You are such a strong woman. Finding this site is one of the ways in which Mark is telling you that he will be ok. Think of all the angels you have found here. Get help...you deserve it. Your life has been torn apart, and it isn't fair. You are most certainly in my prayers. May God bless you and grant you strength to make it through each day. Blessings, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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