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Wow! Dennis has been gone since December 15th and I really thought I was adjusting well. That is...until last night. There is one room in our house that Dennis used for his office/hobby room. I have not yet been able to change that room or empty the contents. Dennis had all his favorite "toys" in that room. Well, last night while searching for some paperwork, I actually stumbled over his favorite pair of work boots. They were just sitting there with his socks folded neatly inside, as if he had just taken them off. Everything came rolling back! I relived things I hoped to never think of again relating to his illness. Who would have thought that such a small thing as a pair of boots could stir such emotions? What a terrible night I had. No sleep and I had to get up for work this morning! Today, I feel as if he has been taken from me all over again. But...those boots remain sitting there, almost as if they are waiting for him to put them on. I also have his favorite down jacket that I can't part with. You know...I can still bury my face in that jacket and it smells like Dennis. Thanks so much for listening...you guys are great and really help so very much!!!

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I am so sorry. I know what you mean about "finding" things. It tears your heart to peaces. The memories keep coming back. The pain of not having Dennis around to talk to, to touch, is almost unbearable. My heart goes out to you.

I have a little "thing" I have started doing with Randy because I miss him so much. Wednesday's are my worst day of the week.

Close your eyes when you are done reading, and imagine and feel the warmth and love that you had with him. Don't think of him being sick. Let the love surround you, to calm your heart, to ease your pain, to comfort your soul. Know that he loved you and is still with you. Just close your eyes and let your heart be open to feel his presence. Smile. He loves to see you smile.

May the sun shine upon you today and warm your soul. Lift your face to the skys and know he is there.

Much love,


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Dear Ann,

I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I know it breaks your heart all over again. My mom is also suffering with the loss of the love of her life. My dad was truly my hero, but for you and my mom it has to be sooo hard. I do know about the illnes coming back at you when you least expect it. We haven't quit figured out how to deal with those emotions yet. In time they say we will be able to think of our loved ones with happiness instead of so much sorrow. I hope you have a better day today than last night..

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