Jump to content

Do I bring the kids to see mom?


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone,

We (my 2 daughters 3 & 5yr old & husband) have plans to go down and see mom agian this Friday, but they are starting to cough a bit. I live in Mass and my mom lives in Miami, so to go down takes planning and advanced plane tickets, planned vacation form work etc. Last time we went down was for Thanksgiving, and the kids had colds/coughs but we went down anyway and mom really didn't want to be near them b/c she was afraid of getting sick before she started her chemo. Now she is on her chemo, has a rash and doesn't want to get sick. She loves the kids and I know it makes her happy to see them, but I just don't know what to do. They are not that sick that I need to take them to the doctor, and I don't want to overmedicate them, but everytime I hear one cough in thier sleep, it starts to worry me wondering if i should take them down. I feel torn b/c on one hand, they are kids, up north, in the winter time, they go to day care FT, and will always be somewhat sick esp in the near future. But if my mom doesn't have alot of time left than I want her to be able to see them as much as possible. But if they are sick and get my mom sick that would be horrible too. My husband has offered to stay at home with them this weekend if i decide that they are too sick to go, but i know that my mom will be upset b/c we she won't see them and we were planning on a hanukkah party when we went down there. I guess I just don't know what to do. Any advice?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Urgh. This is a tough one. I can say that keeping them healhty during chemo is super important. My dad caught a cold and he landed in the docs office with pneumonia needing infusions. On the other hand, I see what you are saying, as I live up north and runny noses are just a part of what we have around here...all of us.

How bad are the coughs? What does your mom think? Would your kids be willing to wear masks? We had to wear these when dad was in the doc for the pneumonia...basically chemo makes it so they don't have anything to fight with...that makes a simple cold much worse.

My gut tells me to keep them home...but I can't make that decision for you...can you wait a week? I know plane tickets and such are such an issue...at least after a week you have a better idea if it is just northern runny nose and cough or an actual cold.

Regardless, good luck and blessings to you!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

I dealt with this a lot too and it's so hard! Is there someone else you could stay with while visiting? I would think that short visits should be okay with lots of aneseptic gel and instructions not to touch anything (Ya, right with a 3 year old!?!) But that might have to mean short visits for you too. Could your husband take the kids off your hands so you can have a good visit and just bring them around for quick visits?

I guess I'd say if taking the kids means you're going to be worrying the entire time and not enjoy the visit, don't take them. Take lots of pictures of them (Not the same, I know). Can you take a special video message for Grandma?

I missed my Mom's last Mother's Day because my son brought home a bug from daycare. It's a tough decision.


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Have you told your Mom what you've told us? If not ask her what she thinks. If she planning a party she may be looking forward to having the kids participate. Before each of her Chemo treatments she should be having her blood levels checked so maybe she knows how her white blood cells are holding out.

I know little guys are germinators, but I'd take them if at all possible. Good luck!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was in a similar situation this past weekend..we had our family X-MAS party early, so that my sister would be feeling good enough to celebrate. My oldest daughter had a heck of cold, but my sister wanted to see her. Well, I felt uneasy everytime she coughed or blew her nose. She didn't have fever, so the Dr. said it should be ok. We did spray a lot of Lysol though. I think it should be up to your Mom. Bring the Lysol can and have fun. Just no kisses.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Being an 11+ year LC Survivor I can tell you it's very scary for us lung cancer patients going through treatments to be around anyone who is sick or could be sick.

Our doctor's tell us right off the bat to STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO HAVE COLDS OR FLU when we are undergong treatments. They stress that loud and clear.

I have two beautiful grandchildren also, but to be totally honest with you, I have learned to stay clear of them when they have coughs or running noses. I love them with all my heart. I'm not going through treatments at this time, but I do only have one lung and my hearts not so good anymore. It's very hard on us that are one lungers or lc patients going through chemo treatments to get an upper respitory infection, or cold, or flu. It's life threatening. Not a pretty picture, and very hard on us.

I'm sure your mom is very scared right now, and I am sure she would LOVE to see her grandchildren, but maybe it's best at this time for just you to go and have some special TLC with your mom. Maybe when she finishes up her treatments you can plan on bringing the kids then. Give your mom something to look forward to and bring the kids to see her once she gets through her treatments or maybe just over the rough spots.

It's hard for us survivors too, because we don't want to hurt our families feelings by not letting someone come and see us. But we're scared out of our minds if they come and are sick. I think your mom sorta of gave you her thoughts when she said she doesn't want to get sick.

Good luck. Best wishes to your mom.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the advice. It is so helpful to be able to post on here and have you all respond.

The kids seemed a little better last night, so maybe we'll see. I am hoping they continue to improve today and tonight etc. We are leaving the house at 4:30am on Friday morning, so i think i am going to see if it gets better or worse and then i guess make a last mintue decison. I have arranged for us to stay at a friend of the family's house (thanks for the suggestion) while we are down there, so mom can have minimal exposure to the girls. My mom's friend also agreed to have the party over her house too, so the kids won't be in mom's house too much either spreading whatever germs they have. My mom said she'd wear a mask, and she seems excited to see the kids and for the party (as the hoildays seem more exciting when you have little kids around; esp my 3 year old who is a spitfire, with bright red hair, and makes my mom laugh alot) So I will be holding on to hope that they will continue to get better and it will be a nice trip for all of us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow I love these posts, it so great to learn with everyone about different issues.

Trying to know what is best is horribly hard. Keeping family away when they dont see each other much (living apart) is hard too.

I wonder sometimes we spend so much time worrying about colds and sniffels but how do we know if we oureselves (or someone eles) may be in a contagious/incubating state and not know it. Families can be kept apart to spare the germs and then a very loved cancer patient can pick up a germ or virus on a public door knob.

I understand the seriousness of sickness with the weakened immune system but wonder at times if the sacrifice of love ones is worth it.

Guess if there was not a complaint from your mom and you dont let the kids be over baring in the kisses I would take them.

I wouldnt want to miss out on a loved one. But then I'm a family member not a patient.

Beat it!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.