Smallcell Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Hi everyone. I need some advice. In February 05 my dad had a full scan done by the V.A. and was told that it was clear. January 4th, 2006 he ended up in emergency with an exploding gall bladder and extensive sclc. Now, my strong father is beginning to lose the battle. I'm angry. I'm mad at the world and now I want to see those scans with our oncologist. What if.....what if they were mis-read by the VA and there were signs of cancer. What if...it was LIMITED and my dad might have had 10-30 more years ahead of him- not 12 months? I think I'm going to ask our oncologist to request those scans. What if? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Don't play "what if". There isn't one damn thing you can do to change it now, don't add to your despair. Right now, take care of your father. If the future leads you down a path to demand answers, so be it, but don't waste a minute of time with your father on the "what if" game and second guessing what could have been. Make some memories, avoid the bitterness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Snowflake has well expressed my own feelings on this. Put your energy to taking care of your dad and making his time as positive as possible. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernrol Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 You Have recieved some good advice from snowflake. You or your dad really don't need any additional stress by trying to find fault. You will not be able to change the past and it is very posible that there was nothing on the scan a year earlier. Spend your time making sure that your dad gets the best treatment foward and pray that his cancer will be stopped. Stay positive, Ernie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy RN Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I too had a cxr done in Nov of 2000 for pneumonia. In Feb 2001 I was diagnosed with extensive sclc. I got the xray and had it checked-really nothing to mention was there. (it still showed slight pnuemonia??maybe the beginnigs of the sclc?? who knows) sclc grows REALLY FAST!! Do not waist time trying to find someone to blame this on. Because there really is not one thing. Most here can tell you it is normal to be angry at first. Remember you need to be with your dad and make the best of the time you have. I thought I would only have a yr or so, well that has been almost 6 yrs ago. Cindy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 While I agree with the others....think about this one...when my dad was diagnosed (and at diagnosis they didn't know if it was limited or extensive) we were told that a chest xray done even six months prior may not have shown anything...it is a very, very fast growing cancer. I do believe that he told us that it was the fastest growing cancer that exists. Focus your energy on now and tomorrow...not yesterday. Please know that we are here for you, and that you can count on us for support and information. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smallcell Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Please don't get me wrong here but it sounds like you all are thinking that I don't, or am not, spending every moment with my dad that I can....I certainly am! I quit my job and am taking 100% care of him and, I am an only child. I am the ONLY one doing this- it's just me and him. I guess I'm pretty shocked to think that no one out there might have a loved one that could have had the chance to live longer but because of someone elses neglegance will not. Please, for one moment, reflect on this... put yourself in these shoes... A completely clear scan from the VA in feb 05 and full of small cell Jan 4th, 06 at a top hospital/oncology. I can't believe that I am the only one that would be looking in to this. But, then again...maybe I am. My dad and I were so close because my mother left me at 6 months old so we had a special bond. I thought he would live forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 How would putting effort into the negligence angle help your dad? I think you got good advice that, because of your anger, you choose to ignore. I lost both parents within a year when I was in my early 20's and I would have given anything to have had them around a lot longer. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michelepal Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I Agree with everyone else here don't add any more stess to your live.. My Dad had a chest X-ray in Oct 04 and the DR said it was clear, Feb 05 he has a mass on his Lung and I thought the same thing I want to see the X-ray because someone miss read it.. But it is what it is and it's not going to change a Damn thing it just totally SUCK!!! Take care and spend time with your Dad!!! LOve Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 One thing we can't do is act like we don't understand what you are feeling...because we do!!! We have all had the range of emotions that you are feeling. I am so sorry about your dad. Noone deserves this. SCLC grows fast. Leave it at that. You can't win with the "what if" game...even though EVERY ONE OF US plays it at some point. Blessings to you, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smallcell Posted December 14, 2006 Author Share Posted December 14, 2006 Yes, I guess you are right. This is a "new game" I'm playing. I'm just now thinking about it - at the end of the battle. The anger just took over like a rage and I want someone to blame for this. Anger and depression are like mixing alcohol and drugs. I just keep saying "but,,but,," like some revalation is going to come. Should I be satisfied with "it is what it is?" I don't want to be. But, what's the alternative? I guess there just isnt' one. There is a picture of me and my dad on Faces of Lung Cancer. http://www.alcase.org/facing/facesoflungcancer/ Face number 16- the big bald face! So you can put a picture to us. Thanks for your support. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Don Wood Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 Great picture of you two! You should use it here. You are a good caregiver and advocate for your dad. Be sure he gets all the help he needs. Don Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellen B. Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 When Henk was dxd, his docs told him that the tumor must have been visible on the X-rays that Henk had the year before in another hospital. We spent a couple of days being very frustrated about that. Didn't help us one bit, of course. But I do understand your anger! Ellen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ernrol Posted December 14, 2006 Share Posted December 14, 2006 I don’t think any of us thought that you were not doing all you could for your dad. As I was and still am a patient, my thought is that I want to be using every thought I have on beating this disease. I know if my daughter was concerned about a misread X-ray or something that she would bring it into the conversation with me. This would do me absolutely no good in fact it would do harm by causing me more stress which I do not need. I enjoyed hearing nothing but positive things from my daughter and the rest of my family. I am a selfish person when it comes to cancer and I am thinking about what is best for your dad and what will increase his chances of survival. Keep us posted. Stay positive, Ernie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted December 15, 2006 Share Posted December 15, 2006 Here is a prayer you might learn by heart called the Serenity Prayer......(God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference)....I too after my Wife's Death did the What if game and it only made me more miserable so listen from all those who have responded as they want only to be the best help they can be for you....... . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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