Treebywater Posted December 18, 2006 Share Posted December 18, 2006 So yesterday I realized that I have a holiday pet peeve that I didn't know about. It's all the press that 'the stress of the holidays' is getting. And by stress I mean the, "Oh, WOE is me, when will I ever get all these presents purchased and wrapped?!" And the, "Oh, WOE is me! How will I ever be able to make and hand out 1 million dozen cookies?!" And, "Oh, WOE is me! I have to spend time with my family this Christmas!" It gets to me because... well... the last two Christmases have been so hard for me. They HAVE been stressful, but not for any of those reasons. Two years ago, I was facing down a year where I knew I'd be splitting time between two states 2000 miles apart to squeeze in all the time I could with my husband before he deployed and between all of his 'out and back' trips to the boat AND maximizing all the time I could with Mom. The 'diagnosis' became firm and official and stage IV the beginning of December and it was hard not to just reel with the shock of it all. And... we were expecting Carolyn which was so joyful and wonderful, but stacked on top of the other things carried with it so many "What ifs...." and bittersweet feelings. Last Christmas was my first Christmas without Mom and it was so very, terribly hard. My husband was in Iraq. His Grandfather passed away 3 days before Christmas Day and I attended his funeral on Christmas Eve. I was on the road with Carolyn--luckily my Sister-in-law's family took us into their vehicle so I didn't have to do all the driving..... And so many people were telling me to 'cherish this first Christmas with Carolyn.' That Christmas was so full of grief over Mom and Grandpa... the missing of my husband... the logistical nightmares that occurred with the trip and the Red Cross call I had to put through to Andy... It was just so hard. The year that Mom was sick the message that Christmas is about a light shining in the darkness hit me and hit me hard. We heard it over and over. I started saying it in different ways to myself and to others over and over.... And I GOT IT for the first time--It wasn't about hype and excitement. It was about hope in a dark world. Amd those two years, more than anything I needed HOPE AND LIGHT in my dark world. On top of all that, at church yesterday the prayer requests were heart-breaking. Two or three recent deaths. One terminal cancer diagnosis. Several other prayer requests that were dire... And I'd spent part of the service watching a 14 year old girl perform a special music number with a group of the youth, and I watched her face knowing that her Mom and Dad are divorcing this year, and I just ached at what their Christmas would be like this year. And I know how hard it is when the world is hyped up about the smarmy details of Christmas and your world has just shattered, because my past two Christmases have been in the midst of world-shattering. So my heart ached all the more. So... when I hear the commercials, or I hear people say, "I'm so stressed out by all that I have to do!" I just want to scream, "Get your priorities straight!" I want to tell people to stop giving themselves ulcers over ribbons and bows and candy that doesn't ever get to 'soft ball' stage, and to instead look around at their family.... and at their faith.... and to remember to cherish the people that they love around them. It has very much to do with my grief and missing of Mom. I know I feel this way because my world has been tossed on it's head and I will never see it the same way again. Just wondering if anybody else was feeling this way or if I'm just at a stage of going off on diatribes until people pass out from boredom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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