Anniversary

[Angie]

Today is my parents' 39th wedding anniversary. I can't help but think is this their last? Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. are SO hard. I think about "is this the last....." all the time. I need to focus on the here and now but sometimes it's so hard. My dad is doing really well right now. He feels pretty tired from the chemo, but that's his only side effect which we are all thankful for. Tomorrow we (my parents, sisters and our families) are getting our picture taken at a beautiful park. Hopefully the weather will cooperate! Also, my parents are taking all of us out to brunch on Sunday to celebrate their anniversary. I hope I don't break down and cry. Some days I'm great. Other days not so great. Our situations are so unfair but so are the others that experience devistating illnesses or situations. My cousin's wife had twins in March; one died and the other has Downs Syndrome. His sister had a baby two years ago who was stillborn. A lady I work with lost her son last month in a car accident, another coworker lost her husband in a farm accident. We don't know what tomorrow will bring and need to appreciate today. Life just isn't fair, but life is wonderful as well. I had such an emotional day. Thanks for taking the time to read. I just really needed to vent!!! This site is so wonderful and supportive. I am so thankful!

[Tiny]

The ups and downs and uncertainty are very hard, but you have an underlying respect and appreciation for the wonders of life that will stand you in good stead as the journey continues.

Congratulations to your beloved parents on their 39th! Bruce and I just celebrated our 36th and I'm counting on more.

Be gentle with yourself.

[Guest]

I sure know how you feel...I had an anniversary party for my parents two weeks before my dad died. At the time, I had no idea that would be his last celebrateion.... It was a WONDERFUL party.

I'm not telling you this to upset you. Because celebrating that anniversary was the most wonderful thing we did. Memories of that wonderful night are still vivid in my mind. I'm telling you to ENJOY the celebration and each day that follows! No matter how few or how many, it's something you won't regret doing, ever.

Your parents may have dozens of more anniversarys ahead of them...just enjoy the celebration, enjoy each day you have, make regular days special, create memories as often as you can.... this is all stuff we should do anyway, right....

I think getting a family picture is a great idea...and sneak in some candid ones too when your at the park and Dad isn't looking...those are always fun.

It's normal to be scared and emotional. Try to hang in there.

[dadstimeon]

Angie,

Congratulations to your parents on their 39th wedding anniversary. Take one day (we cannot change the passed or control the future) at a time. Stay focused on the current and stay positive. Celebrate each day as if it is an Anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc. Cherish the moments with your parents. Do not be so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful daughter with wonderful parents. Take care and God Bless.

Rich

[Guest DianeP]

Hi Angie,

I'm glad you shared your feelings about anniversaries, b-day's, etc.... I think that a lot of us our guilty in feeling the same way during those important times in our lives. It has to be completely normal and natural.

I personally try to focus on the postive things that have happened from this terrible disease. I'm so much closer to my dad than I've ever thought I would be, I don't think that would have ever happened otherwise. My parents relationship is closer, it's always been strong, but it's that much stronger.

I'm going to try to think of special occasions as gifts from God. We can fight like heck to try to keep our loved ones here with us, but in reality when our parents or loved ones pass - its really in God's hands. So, personally I've gotten a huge wake up call and am grateful for the time I do have to spend with him. I make sure to remember to make those memories and get the pictures that I never bothered to before.

I know that I'm just blabbing here, but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone out there. When I feel upset and thinking the worst, the things I said above is what I try to think about instead.

Take care Angie, and I hope you have a really nice brunch with your parents tomorrow.

[norme]

Angie,

I am a day late and a dollar short but hope your parents celebrated a good anniversary.

All of us want to look to the future and makes a lot of plans but what really is more important than today. Today we are with our loved ones and hopefully they are feeling well. I sure hope your mom and dad are going out and enjoying the end of the summer as Buddy and I try to do. He really enjoys going for rides and having lunch someplace. It gets him out of the house and focuses on what is happening in the area. We have both always enjoyed each other company and hopefully we will celebrate our 47th aniversary together next April...maybe at some romantic island.

[Maria]

Angie,

I came upon your post and could competely relate to exactly what you are feeling. I spent most of last year spending time with my wonderful dad as he bravely fought his battle with SCLC. On special days like anniversarys, birthdays and holidays or even just any ordinary day that I spent with him - those awful thoughts of "is this the last day like this?" would overwhelm me. I am sad to say that there is no way of getting around that except to remind yourself what you already are telling yourself -- that there are no guarantees for any of us that we will be here tomorrow -- young or old, healthy or sick. That can be pretty darn depressing to think about but at the same time I do try to take some comfort out of it and pray that there is a rhyme and reason for things that happen that really seem to have no reason. The picture of you and your parents is great - they look like a very happy couple! There is no reason why your dad and your family should be going through this -- just as there was no reason my family did either. But, it has happened and (as it sounds like you are doing) spend all the time you can with him and cherish every moment. One of the worst parts of cancer is that it is a constant reminder of our's or our loved one's mortality -- making those special moments somewhat anxiety filled when we think that this might be the last. But, if there is a glimmer of anything good in cancer is that you don't take a damn thing for granted anymore.

I don't write this to upset you, but my father passed away this past April. I don't think I will ever truly get over the loss that I feel -- I was blessed to have such an extraordinary person my life, let alone have him as my father. My dad passed away 6 days after my sister delivered twin girls (and they were 6 weeks premature). My dad was thrilled and got to see them. It seemed as if he was waiting for their arrival. One of the hospice nurses said something to me that has stayed with me (and might help you) -- we always seem to think that everything should go by our schedule, the way we think things should happen, but that sometimes nature has other ideas - that there is a time to be born and a time to die. Just as we expected my neices 6 weeks later, there was another plan. Just as I would have given anything to have my dad here for another 20 years - there was another plan.

Angie, sorry that I have rambled. Take care of yourself, let yourself grieve this difficult time, spend all the time with your dad and other loved ones you can, and finally -- don't give up hope! You dad's time may not be for a very long time. I will keep you all in my prayers.