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trish33

Hi, my first post

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Well, my name is trish. My brothers name was brian. brian had non-small cell lung cancer. He passed away Dec. 29. He'd just been diagnosed about 6 months ago. His passing came as quite a shock since he never told anyone how bad his condition really was. is that normal for people with serious illnesses to do? I mean he told everyone they almost had it beat, and he was talking about the future and everything. I just don't understand. He was only 50 years old. I'm just in shock right now. I'm a nurse and I'm goging to throw myself into work i guess. I'm going in tonight. Well, thanks for letting me vent a little bit. I sure I'll probably be back!! ;)

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Trish,

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

It's really impossible to speculate on what may have happened in the case of your brother without knowing a lot more. Do you know what type of non-small LC he had, what stage it was, whether he had surgery to remove it, and chemo or radiation to follow up, and whether he had any special complications?

Maybe you don't know any of these things, and perhaps it's more important now to deal with the impact of your loss.

Either way, many people are here to help you and to listen and share.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Hi Trish , welcome. I also am a nurse. I was also just 50 when I was told I had lung cancer. I now know I am so fortunate that I am a survivor. I have met so many over the past 9 years that we have lost.

Donna G

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Trish,

Welcome and sorry it is under these circumstances. Please feel free to post as there are many who have experienced the loss of a loved one to LC. A lot of support can be found here.

Prayers for you and your family at this time.

Welthy

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I'm not sure of the type other than the non-small cell. It hit him hard and fast. He had 2 rounds of chemo. And they were going to put him on Tarceva I think is the name. but he had no health ins. so it was slow going. He was 6 foot 2 and weighed only 123lbs. He was put in the hospital on Wednesday morning about 4am for sob and was there diagnosed with pneumonia. I got the call from the hospital at 4am this Friday that he had passed. Like I had said, he was telling everyone that the docs had gotten almost all the cancer. When I talked to the attending doc., she said he knew how bad it was. I can only speculate that he was trying to spare us. I, being a nurse, should have known how bad it was because he was going through 4mg Dilaudid 60count every 10 days. But I'm not an oncology nurse and, well, I was just wanting to beleive that he was getting better!!

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Hey, Trish, and welcome. Thanks for letting us know about your brother. Your brother may have believed it wasn't as bad as it actually was. In any case, he didn't want to worry the family -- common reaction in patients with cancer.

Unfortunately, lung cancer is very unpredictable. It can flare up at any point or it can go dormant. Sorry your brother didn't have more chance to fight it. Take care. Don

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I am glad that you found us here. I believe it is important that you talk about your feelings and vent.

Please accept my sincere condolences.

My dad passed away with lung cancer when I was a teenager and he never told my Mom nor any of the children he even had lung cancer at first and then held back a lot of information to us. His doctor told us later it was because he didn't want to put us through it but also he could not face having to say good bye near the end.

My Dad was not a real, touchy, feely type of person and I think that he just could not find the right words nor could he cope with what he perceived would be the whole drama of us knowing everything. I spend years wishing I knew more and had spend more time with him during this process. He stayed in his bedroom with the door closed with only his little dog next to him. My mother tried to reach out to him and he resisted and would not talk about anything to do with cancer. We all deal with things in our way.

Please know that we are here to listen and with warm hugs.

Val

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Hi Trish, I am sorry for your family's loss.

I agree with others here, your brother was trying to spare your family the worry. He was only 50, perhaps you still have parents living?

My greatest concern was to spare my elderly parents the worry. They still don't know I had chemo or radiation, just lc surgery. My brothers didn't even want me to tell them that it was lc, just tell them I was in hospital for gallbladder etc.

Sometimes too, it helps to keep positive. Perhaps your brother felt his chances were better if he believed he was getting better.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers.

Barb

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Hello Trish and welcome

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your brother. I am so sad to read this.

I believe and this is only my opinion and certainly not gospel, but I think when a person is faced with an illness like lung cancer they feel the need to protect those closest to them and so they with hold a lot of the truth about their conditions. This has been my personal experience and as you know first hand, it does little to make this situation easier.

Please let me know if you'd like to talk further about this. Drop me a PM if you'd like.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Chris

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Trish, I'm very sorry.

My mom did not tell certain people, and was making plans for the future too.

I'm glad she lived that way..."every day like it was her first" she said...not her last.

I think I hurt a little more because she lived that way, because the future didn't come. But she hurt less because she lived that way...and that makes it worth it.

God bless, and again, so sorry.

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Hi Trish,

I am so very sorry to hear of the death of your brother. This disease can be so unpredictable - but it is good that he had knowledge of where things were at. I cannot imagine being strong enough to deal with this alone and not have my family involved. Although I couldn't do it, I can understand why he might want to spare you the added grief of his imminent death.

May 2007 be a hopeful and peacefulyear for you and your family.

Mary

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{{Trish}}, I am so sorry about to hear about your brother's passing so quickly after his diagnosis!! My heart goes out to you and your family. It is very obvious that your brother loved your family so much that he kept the seriousness of his cancer from all of you. This is not always the norm but many people, for whatever reasons, like to deal with their illnesses in private. I know that this is not always fair to family members, who want to be supportive, but I do respect the person's decision about how they handle their illness.

Peace to you and your family during this very difficult time...

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Is this a dream? I feel like I'm in a nightmare that I can't wake up from. I had to go through his cell phone and make calls to his friends, and one girl flat passed out! Luckily her mom was there and was able to be there till she came around. My mom's doc perscribed us some anxiety meds. (thank God) I have to start going through his personal papers tomarrow after the funeral. I don't even know if he had any life insurance. I think he owned his house though and the proceeds from the sale can help pay the medical bills as he didn't have medical insurance. I hope he wasn't buying the house on contract. I'm sorry guys, I'm rambling....Thanks you all for lettimg me ramble though. I've always been such a private person and don't have alot of freinds so this site is turning out to be such a great release and such a great source of support. You all have no idea. Thank you, thank you everyone. Trish

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I'm so very sorry to read about your brother. It's so sad. Please know that we are here for you. My prayers for you and your family.

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