lionking Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 my mom was dx feb 2005 with stage iiib with mets to 1 lymph node. she could not tolerate full strength chemo but eventually did get through the radiation. her throat pain was the most awful thing. she has tried tarceva, now just had alimta but seems not to be doing well. my brother and sister avoid me, my mom, my dad (they both live with me) and my home. at first they were around almost constantly, then when she went downhill overr the past 6 months or so they have literally dissappeared. my sister faults my mom for not smiling or laughing enough. my oldest sister is very supportive. i often feel like i am having a heart attack because i am feeling so overwhelmed. i am a single parent of a college student and an 8 year old, unemployed (the time i took from work to care for my parents lost me my position), a homeowner who does not know how i am going to pull this off. i am financially taking care of everyone and i dont know how. the thing i look forward to most is sleeping but im not even good at that anymore. my dad has no legs (diabetes) and is in kidney failure. just taking him out of the house totally overwhelms me. everything overwhelms me. waiting for my mom to get up in the morning and watching her walk so slowly overwhelms me, im afraid she is going to fall. i do not say this to anyone, nor speak about it and i try my best to act 'normal' but i suspect i dont fool too many people. obviously not my brother and sister especially because they just avoid me and say 'i am not myself'. my best friend (& my brothers fiance) (i thought my best friend) especially says this to me. on christmas i had enough and yelled at her - it totally ruined my evening. i feel that if i am 'not myself' then who am i? jeez! it does not make me feel very good about myself, i will say that. im tired of being the one to do everything and 'know' everything. i am the one who talks to all the doctors, researches, etc. i feel probably i could do better.....my second best comfort is these message boards....i just wonder all the time how i am going to get through this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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