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Anger is setting in

Nick C

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Nick, I am so sorry for you and your wife. But like you said your mom has a tiny grandchild with her now. I lost a baby and my dog before my mom died. And I told my sister the other day, when I will go some day I picture my mom coming towards me with my baby and my dog. Because we will see them again.

Again I am sorry.


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I have so much I want to say, but I don't know how to say it...

First, I'm sorry about what just happened with Keri...

As I've said before, I was pregnant with my third child when I lost my mom. And I have so many levels of anger and grief, I guess. I would never compare having had her there briefly for my kids to not having her at all...but they are young (6 and 3) and were so close to her, and the reality is they will probably never remember the magical relationship they shared with her. It was like a big tease, and then she was snatched away from us. Then there's the grief of her not knowing my new baby, of him not knowing her...ever.

I know that you are numb and angry, and I sure don't blame you. I guess all I can say is that it is hard to project how you will feel when you are Keri become parents...but I hope - no, I know - that when you DO become a father, that your little son or daughter fills up some of that hole in your heart. No matter how much love you think you may have for him/her...you will still be surprised at the tidal wave of absolute love, joy and devotion you will feel at the moment you become "Daddy". And yes, there will be pain mixed in with that love, and it will always be there. My husband lost his mom 10 days after we got married - the last time we saw her was at the wedding and we had no idea how sick she was. She would have loved our kids, and vice versa...and I know my husband thinks about that a lot.

I'm babbling, but I just want you to know that you DO have such joy in store for you in your future, as hard as it is to believe now. I'm sitting here writing this feeling like a hypocrite because I miss my mom so much I want to scream...but my kids are helping me get through, and that is what my mom would have wanted...

Your mom would be so proud of you right now, and I pray that my sons are as devoted to me when they grow up as you were to your mom. It's all a mom asks for and wants of her children, their love, and you obviously gave her that in her life. She was a lucky woman and did a good job raising you...

Hang in there...

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Nick, I have to share a dream that I recently had with you. As you know, I became a first time grandmother on November 14th. In my dream, I was talking to Dennis and going on and on, telling him all about our beautiful little Ella. As always, he listened to me for a while, then interruped me to say...."Ann...I met Ella long before you did and yes, she is very beautiful."

Nick, I can definitely relate to your anger. There was a time after Dennis' death that I seemed to be completely consumed by anger. I hated life and good news and happy events. I felt as if I was the only person in the world that was suffering. Then, one day I realized that I was feeling sorry for me. I was totally overlooking the fact that Dennis had been relieved of his pain and suffering. I had forgotten that he was at peace and I was the one in misery. After I reached that point, I was able to go forward with healing.

Like Katie, I believe that your mom has already met that precious little baby that you will have one day.

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To Nick and Keri,

Iam sorry that being parents did not work out this time. But there is always reasons for that. It seems so many women miscarried their first time. But are just fine for the next.

I know there is a family in your future, but right now I am sorry for your loss.

Here's to much better days ahead!! You both will make wonderful parents.

Maryanne :wink:

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Nick, I think what you're experiencing is very normal. My Brother and his wife are expecting their first child in May and he just doesn't seem as happy as he should.

Having said that, can you try thinking of what you DO have, rather than what you don't? I've been trying it lately and it helps me. I do have a lot of Mom's "words of wisdom" to pass down, I have the lessons she taught me and the values she instilled. I had 35 years with a wonderful Mom. I'll take quality of time, over quantity anyday.

I'm planning on making a scrapbook for my Brother's baby to tell him or her about Grandma. I'm hoping to get other friends and family members to write letters about her to include. I have to believe that Mom is with us and knows everything that is happening.

I'm sure the next time around will be different. Being a parent is an incredible experience I pray you get to experience soon.


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