rmm17 Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I am sorry for dominating the board with all my posts lately. I am 600 miles away from any family members and I feel like you all know more about this stuff than anyone else. The last few days have been rough, especially when i am alone. I have also been having a lot of thoughts/worries about what happens when you die, heaven, and the existence of God, etc. These thoughts make it even harder to deal Mom's death. I have also been having sleeping problems since i came back to my apartment. I can fall asleep but i wake up 8-10 times a night from terrible nightmares. Some of them are about my Mom or her death and i wake up thinking that she may still be alive. It destroys me when i realize she really gone. Other nightmares are about car crashes, being chased, or bad things happening to my little brothers. I wake up and have a hard time falling back to sleep. I live alone so i dont have anyone to talk to. It is really starting to take a toll my me. I dont know what to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
barbara5452 Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 So sorry for your loss, I have lost both my mom and dad and know what you are feeling. That is what makes what I am going through so difficult, no one to turn to. My dad passed 13 years ago and mom passed 2.5 years ago while I was going through my lung surgery, she had a long illness lasting 6 years. The last two of her life she was confined to a bed and my sister and I cared for her. I know when she finally passed it was sort of a releif for us because we had seen her suffer so much and we finally knew she was in a better place and not in any discomfort any longer. She was a amazing woman, the way she dealt with her illness, hospice had her a total of 3 times during that 6 years, she was just not ready to go, I only hope I can continue to cope like she did. Your nightmares I believe are just because you are unsure where mom is and if she's happy, I belive she is and you have to beleive she is. Tonight when you get ready to fall to sleep say a little prayer asking that comfort being giving to you for a restful sleep. Surprisingly it works I have had to do that myself. Mom will always be with you in spirit and she would not want you to grieve so that it caused you to take a toll on your own health. Just stop and think, would she want you to do that ? I'm speaking as a mother of a 24 and 17 year old, I would not want my kids to halt and grieve to the point of endangering thier own health. I know they would miss me as I would them but life goes on and as a mom I would want them to think of me often, but of good times, good memories, and to know we would one day meet again. I'm not sure if I help but I understand your sadness, and time will heal, say your little prayer today and drift asleep thinking of good things. My prayers are with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Rochelle, You have been though a series of seriously disorienting events recently, and at an age when most of us are not at all prepared for them. You've been wounded, and will need to heal. That will take time, and there will be pain. I think that your sleep issues are perfectly normal, under the circumstances. I wouldn't expect anything different. It must feel as though a nuclear bomb has detonated in your life. I'll bet that it feels almost surreal to you to be back in your environment, and preparing to simply pick up your old routine as if nothing has happened. I know that you live alone, but you need someone to talk with and be with. Do you have any close friends around you? How about seeing someone to talk with regularly for a while, maybe through a campus health service? I think you need that. Others may disagree with me on this one, but I also think that it would be worth getting a prescription to help you sleep. I think such help is perfectly appropriate under these conditions, and I think good sleep is an advantage that you will need to deal with the coping that you will be moving though. Hang in there, dear. You're not alone. Please post tomorrow and let us know how you are doing - everyone cares. Mary Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamataca Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 What you have been though is just so devastating, and being sleep deprived will not help you heal at all. I agree that chatting with a dr about sleep meds would be good. You NEED some sleep to help you through this. The last couple of weeks have been such a nightmare, that it's no wonder you continue to struggle in your sleep. Please take care of yourself. We care about you so much! Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollyanne Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Rochelle - I sent you a PM, please read it. Also know that I am thinking about you tonight. Tonight is my one year anniversary of my mom's death, and I promise you the grief lifts...it never goes away but it lifts. It is so unfair that you have to go through this at your young age...you are not alone. Love, Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Rochelle: First, what you are describing about your thoughts/worries and the content of dreams about your mom are normal. I wanted to get that out on the table so you don't worry that there's something wrong with you -- you're pretty young to be going through this and it's obviously hitting you hard. I went through something similar for a period of months after I lost my dad and my neighbor is doing the same thing you are describing now since losing her mom around Thanksgiving -- neither of us had nightmares per se, just lots of dreams with our loved one in them to the point of thinking they were still alive when we woke up plus all the questions about life after passing and our creator. That said, you don't want to let your worries or the sleep issue become so bad that it affects your ability to function. I agree with others about considering a sleep aid and finding someone you can talk to face to face to help you through this right now. I know you're 600 miles away, but can the hospice organization who was with your mom give you a referral to hospice grief counseling in your area? They are supposed to provide up to 13 months of free counseling to the family -- maybe they can arrange that for you with an organization in your area (just a thought). Hope this helps, Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryanne Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I just read your post Rochelle and my heart goes out to you. I agree with Barbara's post. I know your mom is doing so well and she would not want you to suffer. Even though we all go through a grieving stage. Everything you are feeling is so real and normal. There is nothing wrong with you. You should try to find some professional help for awhile to help you through this, if the nightmares continue. I don't know about a sleeping aids which normally would be good, but if you are having nightmares you may not be able to wake from them. Please say a prayer and talk to your mom before bedtime and ask for her help. Hopefully, she may come into your dreams to let you know she is fine and loves you so much. That may help end those horrible dreams. I am so sorry you are going through this. Maryanne Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rmm17 Posted January 8, 2007 Author Share Posted January 8, 2007 Thanks everyone. Last night was a lot better. I took a hot bath and read a book before bed. I also took a tylenol PM and said a calming prayer before bed. Although i did wake up a few time i fell back asleep easily, and no nightmares that i can remember. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Littlegirl Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Rochelle, Glad to hear last night was better. I know you are going through a rough time and nothing makes it harder than being sleep deprived on top of everything else. I was just going to tell you to try Tylenol PM. I've had some medical issues that cause insomnia and don't like to take a lot of meds but Tylonel PM helps me some. I do think taking anything like that can increase your liklihood of having dreams but last night I was dreaming about Brad Pitt so it ain't all bad! I do agree with the others that it would help if you could find a support group or someone to talk to. Don't feel bad about posting often on this board...that is why we are all here and we all have our times when we need a bit more help. Also, if you are looking for a good book I recommend Final Gifts. It made me feel more at peace with the whole process of dying. Hang in there! Karen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Bless your heart. You are so, so stressed. I am so sad for you. When I read your post, I think that you are probably exhausted and dreaming about being the caregiver. You have younger brothers, and thus there is some feeling of responsibility. Try not to be alone. Have a friend come and stay with you. Keep posting here...that is what we are for. As far as your feelings about God, I have to say I know exactly what you are feeling. It is as if you posted what I have thought a million times. It is faith hitting you in the face, tempting you not to believe. As much as this happens, I have to say that I truly believe your mother is in a better place. Considering the intricacies of the world, only a superior being could be responsible...and because He is so amazing, He could only provide peace, love, and hope for you and for your mom. Heaven is something we cannot understand...but it is something that should provide you peace. God bless you, stay strong, and please know you have my support and prayers. Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Rochelle, Regarding death and God etc., I too struggled and continue to struggle. I posted a thread here about how I was feeling my own mortality like never before. I look hard for the existence of a loving God who has received my mother in to his arms. I see Him when I look at how beautiful the world is. I know him by the way my mother loved me. An imperfect person who loved me so perfectly...how much more love does a perfect God have?? My mother would never let anything happen to me...God won't let anything happen to our mom's. So glad you slept better. Does your school offer therapy. I would think most do free of charge. Perhaps verbalizing these dreams to a therapist might bring them out of your subconcious and hopefully let you sleep a little better. Rochelle, I so wish none of this happened to you. I'll say a prayer tonight about your sleeping better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Rochelle, I am so glad that last night was a bit easier for you. For a time after Dennis died, I had some really confusing and mixed up dreams. All were troubling and it seemed I was unable to accept his death in any of these dreams. I always seemed to be looking for him but could never manage to find him. As time went on, the dreams became less frequent and the content of the dreams became much more peaceful. I'm sure that your dreams will also slow down and become less frequent. As for sorting out your feelings, I can definitely relate. I was very angry for a while and I have to admit that God was one of the main targets for my anger. I just couldn't understand how such a loving and forgiving God could bring so much pain and suffering to a man like Dennis. Then, after a time, I realized that Dennis was the one that had been released from the pain and suffering and I was the one left behind to figure this all out. Just try and remember that holding all this inside is not a good thing to do. Talking about your experiences as much as poiisble will help you to heal. Is there a professional on campus that can help? If not, a close friend? We're always here for you. I know it's not the same as having someone there in person but this group of people can really help, as you already know! I'm praying that the road will get easier for you. You're so young and fragile to be bearing such a huge weight on your shoulders. Try and let someone help with the load! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 So happy that you slept. Keep following a routine like that, if it works for you. This will gradually pass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma's kid Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 So relieved to read that you slept better, Rochelle. Promise us one thing...keep posting and KNOW in your heart that we are here for you. Hugs, honey Libby Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Rochelle, I am hoping for another good night of sleep for you. Be calm and peaceful. So many are pulling for you. Mary Colleen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pammie Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 So glad Rochelle that you continue to post on this forum. So many can identify with what you are going through. As someone suggested it would be a blessing for you to be able to talk with or counsel with someone. Know your brothers are hurting too. Maybe as a family you could talk with a minister or priest about some of your worries. Will be praying for all of you. pammie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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