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moms gone


crystleshoe

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everything was turned off around 1:30 yesterday afternoon and she was gone within 45 minutes. She was ready to go and i think we were keeping her here for us. My dad is doing ok with it all, he also knew that it was time to let her go. I dont know if it makes sense for me to feel peaceful but i know she is in a better place and there is no more pain for her, no more tests and bloodwork and chemo and all the other crap that comes along with this awful dx.We are meeting with the funeral director this morning at 9:30. I dont know what to expect. I have never been through anything like this and im not sure how to plan a funeral. I dont know how we will pay for it or how much it will cost or what to dress her in or do we bury her with her jewlry or not etc.etc. etc. I guess this is another "learning experience". This has been the longest 4 and 1/2 months of my life but now that its over it seems like such a short amount of time (if that makes sense). Im kinda lost because i have spent so much time reading and researching and making calls and doing all the stuff we as caregivers do that i dont know what to do now.

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I am so sorry about your mother. Its one of the hardest times of our lives when we lose our moms.

As for the funeral...this may sound a little hard but make sure you are not lured into all of the money making gimicks that each funeral home has. It won't help your mother and it really won't help your family let go. Most of it is for show. As for jewelry, we had mother wear hers until they closed the casket and then the funeral director took it off so that we would have it to pass down to future generations. It is comforting now to take her ring out and wear it next to my heart and feel close to her when I am scared or down. When I was dx I wore it to all of my treatments and doctor appointments. It gave me a sense of peace and acceptance. Of course you do as you and your father wish.

I pray for you and your father and family. May you find strength and comfort in the days and months to come.

Nina

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I am so sorry for your loss. Glad you're feeling at peace with it. You'll likely feel lots of different things and you just have to walk with it.

As for funeral arrangements, my advice would be to just go with your gut feelings and discuss them with your Dad. My Mom only wore jewellery that I wanted to go with her. Funeral Directors are human so there is always that chance a mistake could be made and I didn't want to take the chance of losing her wedding rings.

I think, as daughters, we feel resposible for doing things the way our Moms would want them. When it comes right down to it, all your Mom would want is for you to do what makes you and your Dad most comfortable.

I completely understand the "What do I do now?" feeling. Changing your focus to looking after yourself and your Dad might help alleviate it a little.

Thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family.

Shauna

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I am so sorry that your lost your Mama. :( Just so sorry. This has been such a terrible journey for you all.

Peaceful is normal. I felt peaceful--I could feel my Mom laughing for the first few days, and it just made me want to smile too. I knew she was ok, and out of pain and having good days again. The hard stuff that hurt came later. Maybe this peace you feel is your Mama saying, "I'm ok."

As for the funeral--you'll work it through together and the funeral directors WILL help you--As someone said, feel free to say "NO" to some of the things that may be there to make them money, but I pray that you will have a compassionate director who will walk you through this so it's as gentle as possible.

So many prayers as you start your journey with grief. We're here anytime you need support.

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