Still grieving an old wound.

[Patkid]

Why is there a recurrent theme on this forum where I feel as though surviving spouses are perceived to be a burden, a buumer and a source of pain?

I stayed out of the last big blow up about where we 'belong' on this forum, but damnit, I have a huge investment in this forum and I love it too much not to fight for my right to be here..............and for my right to have Brian remembered on here through his timeline.

[Nick C]

Pat, I posted my thoughts probably at the same time as you.

I think my timeline is informative, helps them know what mom was like and where I am coming from.

At the same time I will be open to thoughts. But I must admit, when someone posts something I do like to reference their timeline as it gives me perspective.

Pat, you need to do what is right for you. You are not a burden and by NO means should be relegated to the Grievers area...I know your thoughts here. I'm having them too and not sure which way to go.

[P.S. I Love You]

Pat, Nick et al-

You ARE the LCSC. When I see your name, I read what you have to say.

You're viewpoints have been nothing but supportive, even in the midst of your own pain.

You may not have the LC, but you are the SC.

Strange, didn't the last blow-up occur when Katie wasn't around?

[Don Wood]

You are very welcome here and a necessary part of what is truth. I admire those who have stayed on to help others. Keep it up as long as that is your desire. Don

[Ry]

One person's opinion Pat-- not the majority at all.

[dadstimeon]

Pat,

You have just as much a right to be here as anyone else and to set-up your profile anyway you please. I admire and respect the ones who stay on and I am glad you are still here.

Rich--

[trish2418]

Please keep posting. Your strength, compassion and support are needed by all of us. Thank you for the time you continue to make for those of us having to deal with LC on a daily basis.

Trish

[Jyoung20]

We love ya Pat!! You complete us!!!

GOD BLESS!!

Jamie

[hollyanne]

Pat -

I must have "missed" all the hub bub -- but YOU should be here. I think I should be here. When I went through everything with my mom, I got great strength and support from people whether they had the dreaded beast, they were a current caregiver or they loss someone to the disease.

you have so much to offer.

Holly

[Littlegirl]

You are not a bummer, burden or a source of pain. You are a victim of this disease and deserve to be here to get the support you need and share the lessons and invaluable information you have learned along the way. Post away sweetie!

Karen

[kamataca]

You know how much I love ya, and how much we all loved Brian. If folks like you went away or hid the timelines, it would be like cancer won.

We won't let that happen.

Kelly

[MsC1210]

Dear Pat and everyone who has posted here.

I want to say THANK YOU to each and every one of you. When Brad died, I was in a complete tailspin. I had not found this site at that point but wish more than anything I had done so before he lost his fight. I had no idea what Lung Cancer really was until his diagnosis and although I was not a typical caregiver, I was his only "family" (his words, not mine) and I did everything I could possibly do, with the limited knowledge and resources I could find. I know that if I had been able to find this site, this family really, 15 months ago, it would have made the whole fight, the entire journey and in the end the indescribable loss and pain much more bearable.

It is because of Brad and what I witnessed him go through in his fight that I am here, that I do what I can to help not only those who are the victims of this hideous disease but the caregivers, families and all too often, those who are left behind after the fight is over, to cope. I try so hard to offer hope, to offer support and encouragement and compassion. I do any and all research that anyone asks me to help with, and I do so gladly. I am devoted to the promise I made to Brad the night before he died to continue to do all that I can to make this fight easier on those who must fight it, and to do all that I can to help find the cure. I believe it is out there and I believe that together we will find it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that by being here and by sharing the knowledge I have gained, as so many of you wonderful and loving folks also do, I feel that we are ALL serving a purpose to help educate and inform. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER... It is my hope that we all continue to do what we have been doing to help those who come here seeking information, support, help and answers.

These are just my personal thoughts...

My best to you all,

Christine

[Sheri]

Pat,

I think it's a disservice to those in the midst of the struggle when a member wipes out the profile of their lost loved ones. I've researched profiles of those who have lost their fight and compared chemo's, staging, longevity and length of time before recurrence.

There is alot to gain from this historical information. We want to know what worked and what didn't. I think I can speak for many Pat, you are very much loved here and in noway considered a burden to this board. Brian's treatment profile is helpful to others struggling with stage IV NSCLC. Please don't change it and we need you to stick around and continue to support our members.

[Treebywater]

Pat--You know how I feel. You have EVERY RIGHT to be here... and we would it would be such a tremendous loss to this community if you were not.

One way or another, ALL of our lives have been ravaged by LC. And that is why we all need one another.

The gift of knowing you and Brian is one that I treasure and will treasure forever and always.

I know us grievers serve as a harsh reality.... but I think sweeping us under the rug and asking us to deactivate when our loved-ones die would serve to cripple this community.

((((hugs)))) to you my friend.

(And for the record--I'm pretty darned sure your Bri and my Mom are having a good old time on Sundays whooping it up and rooting for the Bears.)

[daggiesmom]

You and Brian kept me going when I was battling this disease. You kept my spirits up and gave me strength not to give up. You made me smile, which I really needed! NO WAY ARE YOU GOING ANYWHERE, YOU HEAR ME!!!!! There, I feel better.

Spunky Joanie ((()))

[Heather_T]

Thank you and keep posting. Everyone here has helped me learn so much. I did not get online to read about LC until 6 weeks after I was DX. I knew what the stats said and I did not want to read about that it was to depressing. Then one day I got online and was trying to get some info and this was one of my first sites I found and have stayed since. Just because of you guys. It is horrible when someone passes and my heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one. For some reason this makes me want to FIGHT that much harder.

[J.C.]

Pat,

I'm still here, not much of a

profile as I joined only six days

before my husband died.

But I keep coming back on certain

days, must need it.

Love you

Jackie

[karenl]

(((Pat)))

Love Karen

[Nushka]

Pat,

You are a very important part of this family. You and Brian and his memory are what this is all about. I would hope that once I pass on that my timeline stays put when my husband posts the news. It still says that I survived for a while against all odds. I hope that continues but if it doesn't that is just part of my story. Your Brian was a very brave man who gave this beast a good fight. He won for a while and that is what is important.

Nina

[RandyW]

As a fellow CAREGIVER SURVIVOR, i think we have every right to be here. If we were not this site would not exist. Thank You Katie and Rick. If i get Lung cancer in 30 years like Benny parsons did i want to know as much as I can learn and know. I lso have 2 parents who were former smookers and worry about them every day from that now. I am wiht you. I ain't leavin for no one no how and feel no one else affected by this disease should either if they do not want to. Much Love and prayers for all this morning.

[SBeth]

Dear Pat,

I admire your courage and conviction. Shortly after Bill passed away, I received a private message from someone telling me that it was hard for them to read any post I made because "to read Bill's timeline and see how young he was and how quickly he lost his battle was discouraging". Because of that message, in addition to the pain I was already feeling about re-reading his path with every post, I allowed myself to be persuaded into deleting his battle and battle plans. I regret that decision and have often wondered if his timeline would offer others information and/or hope...I see now that it would have. I support you and I love you and I know where your heart is and how much it continues to break every single day. I'm praying for you more frequently than daily Friend.

Much much love to you Pat!

[shineladysue]

(((Pat)))),

It is members like you who make this forum the special place that it is. You shared so much with us throughout Brian's fight and you still found time to support others , like me. I will never ever forget it. In my opinion, the timelines are a treasure chest of information to members old and new alike. I can remember, when I first came, how I would spend hours reading those profiles. There is a wealth of information within those lines.

This journey is for warriors and warriors need weapons. What better weapons than knowledge , support from others and last but not least the Love of God who brought us together.

Love,

Sue

[Kathleen1]

I guess I missed all the hullaballu on this one too. My opinion? I like the timelines, it helps me identify everyone and know why you are here. I am not as active on here as everyone so sometimes I see a name and then I'm not sure how they got here so to speak. Sure sometimes that information is sad. Heck its ALL SAD. If it weren't NONE of us would be here in the first place. I've found this place to be a place where everyone belonged, good news, bad news, all news. Thats what make is such a grand place. I could not have survived the past 4 months since my Mom passed without reading your posts, without being able to post my own and get your responses.

I prefer it when the timelines are present - so that we can know more about one another and what our experiences have been.

That said, Pat. You belong here. End of story ! We need you!!!!

I hope I made sense since I kind of missed what happened!

[Linda661]

Pat:

I think I shot my literary brilliance allotment about this issue in Nick's thread just now, (in other words....really long post there), but please don't let the passing impressions of another cloud the spirit and support you bring to all of us. You are not a burden here and folks in this thread are circling the final point I made elsewhere in this forum:

I can't be the only one who drew a heck of alot of admiration and inspiration during my battle days from the folks and their profiles who had experienced loss because....I noticed the huge numbers who had still defied the prognosis odds, even if the individual battle had been lost eventually; I hung on what they had to say and support offered as much as anyone else.

You and the rest of us are important contributors. Please never lose sight of that.

All the best,

Linda

[ginnyde]

Pat, I am still here almost 2 1/2 years later. I, like Beth, deleted Earl's timeline and doubt I would be able to reconstruct it at this point. I also feel I am not able to offer much insight into current treatments and am foggy (self preservation) on Earl's treatments and reactions.

But here I am, and here I will stay. Many here are long time friends (as in long time survivors) and many are new friends. I wish we were all here because we were knitters or rock climbers (yeah right) and not because of lc. But it is the glue that holds this family together, to support and care for each other, to help with knowledge, or to just help the world know about lc.