brsarah Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I am having a bad day today. When I think of my mother gone, I get physically sick. I am almost bottled up and reacting physically. My heart had actual pains in it today, my body sore and tired. I suffer from regrets and find it hard to focus on the positive and the love. I'm sorry if this isn't a positive post but I'm just really down right now. I pray for those going through grief. This is such a new and scary realm. Sarah Regrets I wish I sat down and watched that show took those jackets rented that movie gave her that money told her i loved her in the middle of that fight kissed her, called her, bought her flowers Remembered that time, that life is fleeting I wish I had listened to the cough imagined the lung infected, I wish I had shoved pushed her to go to the doctor the hospital, demanded an xray I wish she saw me graduate plant my garden in my first house I wish I took her advice on my clothes my hair, my shoes. I wish I had listened to her voice, tiny small winded plea for help. But I didnt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justme2007 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 ((( Sarah ))) I feel your pain. I bet there are a lot of loving, thoughtful things you DID do for your mother too - - please don't discount those. Our hospice gave us a grieving booklet, and one of the things suggested was journaling. Seems like you've done some here online. I have been afraid to journal because I'm worried I'll float away in a puddle of tears! Peace to you tonight. Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I completely understand where you are coming from. I have been there within the last 12 months. The Coulda , shoulda, wouldas will never stop happening ever. Put them behind you. Remember there is always the love and the memories that you shared with your mom. Hold onto those tightly. No one can ever take them away from you. I found that writing helped me a lot in dealing with DEbs Passing. I did most of it right here on this site. If not for all the support I have gotten here, there is no telling where I would be right now. Maybe in a bottle of Jim Beam or Jack Daniels. These folks kept me straight and Sane for 12 months. Let us do the same for you whenever you feel the need to be here, Be here. We arealways around to lean on and Listen. This is a site that we use and have recomended for the grief outside of this one. This site is strictly dealing with Grief and Loss. I visit here sometimes; But I am always here. http://beyondindigo.com/ This is a Pick Me up site when I feel Down and Out and overwhelmed; http://inspiringthots.net/movie/wu-missing-me.php Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Oh Sarah. I am so sorry you feel this way. We all have regrets, but know that at the time, you did the best you could. Life brings us multiple battles...please know peace. God bless, Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brsarah Posted January 23, 2007 Author Share Posted January 23, 2007 Thank you so much for your kind words and support. I never thought I would find such support. I only hope I can give it back to those experiencing difficult moments. There are so many kind, wonderful people on this board. Every time I read a reply, I cry, but its a good kind of cry. A healing kind. Thank you so much. Love and Light, Sarah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Treebywater Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 ((((((Sarah)))))) It is so hard to get through the "If onlies." But I KNOW your Mom knew your heart and I also know you did a tremendous job of loving her through her illness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ann Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 (((((((((((((((Sarah)))))))))))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nikkala Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 What you are going through is completely normal. When my mom died I got a book from the library that really helped me it's called motherless daughters, by Hope Edelman. It really helped me realize I wasn't going crazy and many of these feelings are normal. You are not alone. ((((BIG HUGS)))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Regret is so natural. But in time you'll see you loved and acted appropriately...you just got cheated on the time you had to do it all. And don't ever apologize for not being positive. we're here for you especially when you no matter your mood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathleen1 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Oh Sarah, please do not have regrets. You loved your Mother and she knew it. I know it is easier said than done as I have felt just the same. I also have felt physically sick as you have. I am so sorry. Please be good to yourself and know that you did everything just fine. Your Mom was lucky to have you and I am so very sorry you lost her. I am missing my Mom so much too and I share your pain. I pray for peace and comfort for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda661 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Sarah: I wish I had magic words to take your pain away: you'll get through this, one day at a time. It's not easy to keep from playing that coulda' woulda' shoulda' game on ourselves but you will realize in time that you did do everything you could along the way exactly as it needed to be done in loving support of your mom. I too have gotten physically ill while thinking or doing certain things since my mom passed. Do take good care of yourself and be mindful of those -- please do consult a doctor if you get any hint of worry or discomfort about your physical symptoms. We're here anytime you need us. Gentle hugs, Linda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martha02 Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Sarah, I have regrets everyday, like Randy said: The Coulda , shoulda, wouldas will always be there. I feel your pain. If we could only go back in time........ Take care martha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dazy Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 I can only echo what others here have said - please don't beat yourself up with regret. You were THERE for your Mom - loving her, supporting her, and doing ALL you could for her - AND SHE KNEW IT!!! And STILL does. I am so sorry for the horrible sense of loss you are experiencing. I have a feeling that if your Mom could, she would tell you to find a warm, cuddly blanket, and feel her spirit in that blanket, as you wrap it around yourself. Feel her comforting you, holding you, and know that even if you can't see her, she is ALWAYS that close...looking out for you, and holding you close in her love. I hope & pray that time will bring you the peace, and comfort you so deserve. (((((((HUGS))))))) ~ Stacey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsGirl Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 Oh Sarah, I feel your pain. I feel that physical illness in my stomach. It's like being constantly haunted. But as others have said, your mom loved you. And you were there with her, by her side, loving her, when she left this world. What greater gift could she ask for...you are a loyal and loving daughter. Hang in there... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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