Snowflake Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bill, KEEP POSTING! No one ever impresses everyone 100% of the time. Don't attack people, but post. I'll bet that no matter what your opinion, even if you are in an extreme minority, SOMEONE WILL AGREE WITH YOU. You're bringing out responses and keeping the board from getting stagnant. Keep posting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bill...amongst all the serious talk here, I chuckle at you, because you are always in the dog house around here! Again I have to post that we all read at our own risk. There are a few posts around her that I skim rather than read with intent, just for that purpose. The part about you that I appreciate so much is that you lay it all on the table, allowing us to peer into the heart of the one with cancer. We know when you are depressed, and we know when you are doing great...for that I personally am appreciative, just in the hopes of better understanding my own dad. So glad you are having a great day! Stay strong, hold on to Connie Bs 16 year brick! I am! Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick C Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I think it's a public forum... I think certain posters who start a thread combined with the topic of that thread is pretty much fair warning enough as to what you will get. I thought the cool thing about this thread was that yes this is a board about Lung Cancer... but it actually isn't. This board top to bottom is more about spirit. And caring. And family. And friendship. And hope. The LC is just the background...life is about so much more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bill, Looking towards your next post, they make me realize that we are all alive and kicking to stay that way. You would feel alone if no answer to your post, now you got answers, they may not be all what you want, but at least they are there. Don't forget ''Wee bit better'' Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hmmm? It isn't about getting responses or about whether people agree or disagree. Disagreements are healthy, and Teri would be the first person to tell you that I'll argue with anyone and have a thoroughly good time doing it. But this board absolutely isn't the place for heated arguments of any kind, nomatter who might be right or who might be wrong. As for responses -- if they're supportive they always make me a tad uncomfortable, and I'd prefer it if those responses didn't exist. For example, when I've read through a thread I start to think, "Who the hell does this guy think he is?" And that's *me* I'm talking about. Negative responses, on the other hand, are extremely important, otherwise how would you know if what you were saying was causing damage to someone? Also, if you don't get criticized you'll never be forced to think outside of your own safety zone. Many times, and probably more often than not, it's the criticism that makes me understand something I didn't understand before. This thread is a case in point. The whole dynamic is just very tricky and I know I'm not the first person to cause disruption. Nor will I be the last. That's life, as they say. And you're right, my original post in this thread is rather depressing ... just not for me. I re-read it after I posted it and I didn't see it. Then I read it again after Snowflake's response, and I still didn't see it. I read it again this morning, and finally I saw it -- but I had to put myself in someone else's shoes for that. Ah well. The rationale behind my posts was always to help me personally by expressing what's been gong on inside as I come to grips with my own reality. I thought that by posting these feelings one or two people might be able to relate. But there are a lot of folks using this board who are coming from totally different places (some good places, some not-so-good places). I'll try not to forget that in future, but I dare say I might. The following quote from my old favourite, Oscar Wilde, has absolutely nothing to do with this discussion, but it's a funny quote. And *funny* is what's needed: "I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself." Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Welthy Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bill, Good, bad, or indifferent, your posts are like a fresh morning breeze in a stuffy room. It is interesting to watch your emotional and mental evolution unfold through your posts. Keep posting as it helps, not only you, but others to see the inner workings of one survivor's mind. (I don't mean to make you sound like a lab rat. ) Many people do not express their deep feelings to their caretakers, and it gives us some perspective on what might be going through their minds. Lung cancer IS what these boards are about, so feel free to post anything that you wish to without fear of offending anyone. We are not children here, we all know the score. (and I don't mean Bears 39 Colts 3 ) Tony is more of the Snowflake (always love her posts) variety ----- SANS the big-girl panties, of course! He comes from a different generation where all he was concerned about was providing for his family during his life and making sure that they are well-set after his death. I really had to shake him out of that thinking several years ago to do things that HE wanted to do or have things that HE wanted to buy. I didn't want to see him go to the grave the way my parent's did. Medical issues quashed their retirement plans when I was still a teenager. He (fortunately) embraced this "new" philosophy whole-heartedly and we spent wonderful times vacationing, wintering in Florida, buying big-boy toys, and generally running amok. Those were times that we now both cherish immensely because, most of these don't fit into our "new normal". He never talks about dying as it doesn't jibe with his fighting attitude. (My Mother was much the same.) I'm sure it floats in his mind sometimes, but we try to still live the high-life of retirement to the best of his abilities within the parameters of dealing with LC, and we are both good with that. Oh dear, I'm rambling... again. I do appreciate the discussion prompted by your posts. It is a good thing. Welthy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Welthy, Sounds to me like you guys have got the right plan in place. And a bit of running amok is what's needed sometimes. Enjoy your retirement -- you've earned it !! Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 By the way, when I use the word criticism I'm using it in its truest form -- an observation, not an attack. I don't ever feel attacked here. Clarification, that's all. Have a great day. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgesalley Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Today my wife and I had pedicures. I’ll be 74 in a week, and the thought of such an extravagance would have been unthinkable up to a year ago, BC (before cancer). Mine was in celebration of the fact that my chemo appeared to have cured a vile toenail fungus, and Betty’s to spare a possible female client embarrassment (there are 2 chairs). I must say it was soothing. Within reason, I plan to investigate a mildly hedonistic approach to the world. Cheers, Geo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bill, You already sound better, nothing like a push here and another there to get in the right path. May be wrong, but I like even when people are down to try to help them get their mood up. Your quote from Oscar Wilde, was a favorite of my husband. Mine is ''As I can't give bad example anymore, I just give good advice'' don't know where it is from, but I like it. English is not my mother language, otherwise would argue a lot more. You did good in a way you got me out of my hiding hole. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 25, 2007 Author Share Posted January 25, 2007 Jackie, Actually I wasn't down at all. On the contrary, I was (and am) very much "up." That some people found my post depressing is where the disconnect lies. All I said was that I now understand why they thought that way -- not that I thought that way myself. Glad you're having a good day ... and you can always rely on Oscar Wilde to brng you up or down, however you like. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mary colleen Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Your post didn't strike me as depressing, nor did I see it as something reflecting depression on your part. Instead, it struck me as a sort of progress report, and one that others will probably identify with and find useful. Your posts have never depressed me - they've alternately entertained me, baffled me, made me feel badly that you were struggling, and made me think. I hope that you keep doing what you do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.C. Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bill, I should have look. ''Today upbeat and happy'' good way to say the way you feel. Jackie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowflake Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Bill, I found your post depressing because you say you have your life back. That's depressing, to me, because I don't. I have a new life that I don't really like as much. I APPRECIATE it more, but I don't LIKE it. Ya know? I am glad you have yours back, just wish I did, too. ...and by the way, I AM a pain in the *ss and I know it - ask my husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RandyW Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Had to say this. I Wish I had My old life Back cause this new one sucks right now. Sold Debs Car today But not emotional. Bill, I considered your post Insightful by the way and Not depressing. Sometimes I use wrong word Right Thought Ya Know. THanks all Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shineladysue Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Bill, I just want to say that by your thinking out loud, your honesty and your attitude, you inspire me. I am not a cancer patient. My husband lost his battle to cancer. I am just a human being who can benefit and be inspired by your deep thoughts about life. Thank you Bill. Sue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hey Guys, I tried to think of one sentence that would sum up what I was trying to get at, and the best I can come up with is this: For me personally, I had to stare death in the face and acknowledge it before I could walk away. And Snowflake, that doesn't mean my life is going to be exactly the same as it was. It just means I'm not going to be spending much more time thinking about dying, health insurance, and all the other garbage that this disease throws my way. When I say I got my life back it means I can get back on with living, which unfortunately means work and all that other mundane stuff. Yep, I'll do whatever treatment I need as long as it's working -- but I won't be held hostage by the treatment, and there may well come a day when I shut that process down (depends on how it's going and how I feel about it at the time). The key to my freedom is in my mind, not my lungs. Life is just too damn good to sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else having all the fun. You guys continue to be an inspiration to me, otherwise I wouldn't be in the place I am right now. And wild horses couldn't drag me away. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Ferguson Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Bill, your posts certainly don't depress me! Thanks Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 Ooops -- before everyone jumps on my case about "shutting the process down," let me clarify that I don't mean recklessly. I just have an abundance of faith in a few things: 1. God exists, even though Darwin has a point or two. 2. Science is man's excuse for his own ignorance, even though science itself has a point or two. 3. The mysteries of our existence will not and cannot ever be solved. 4. My cancer could vanish tomorrow and never come back, and I'd never know why. You're probably getting bored with my Oscar Wilde quotes, but the guy was a mental athlete. I don't pull these quotes out of my head, by the way. I have all his quotes and all his letters. And here's a good one, that again has no bearing on this discussion: "I dislike arguments of any kind. They are always vulgar, and often convincing." Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheri Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 In another thread you had this to say: "bware21"]If your Dad's doing well, he's doing well. Don't bother to question it -- it's wasted energy. Enjoy him. Bill Wasted energy. Is worrying about our impending mortality wasted energy? Are you doing well? If so, I'm sure your worries are diminished. This is a good thing! Keep up the good fight! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 One last thing before I go down for my lamb chops and an episode of 24 (one of my weaknesses is that I don't think long enough, otherwise I wouldn't need to keep re-posting). Snowflake, It really bugs me that you don't think you've got your life back. If you say you don't, then you don't, and I'm not going to question that. But from everything I've read of yours, I picture a really fiesty lady who I personally wouldn't want to tackle in a dark alley. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 Ok Bill...ironic...I just picked up on this....You watch 24! What an amazing show. My husband and I are on the fourth DVD of season 5. I cannot imagine watching it on a weekly basis, but it is our bad habit to put it in the DVD player once the kids go to bed. Maybe we can all be like Jack Bauer and have 1000 lives! Have a good one! Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 Hey Jen, The great thing about 24 is it doesn't require any effort -- just sit back and enjoy the ride. Storylines are always laughable and we wouldn't miss it. Can't watch it live because of all the commercials. We saw the last season on DVD and calculated about 23 minutes of commercials for each episode (about 4 minutes each segment). What a joke. Our daughter back in England simply loves it, and lucky for her a friend of ours who visits the set in Chatsworth managed to get her a signed photo from Sutherland (can't spell his first name, so I ain't going to bother). I haven't seen it yet, but I'm hoping he took the time to sign her name. If you haven't seen the latest season I won't say anything, but it had me in fits of laughter after the fourth hour -- you'll see what I mean when Valencia comes into the picture (we have friends there). Interesting to us because we live just down the road, but the series seldom moves beyond the Valley here -- they never venture into Hollywood or downtown ... and that's a refreshing change. They struck a goldmine with that concept. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ztweb Posted January 26, 2007 Share Posted January 26, 2007 OK...what do you mean by last season... Currently on TV is the 6th season. We are watching the 4th season on DVD. I know NOTHING about California. We just watched the syntax gas go into CTU, and Edgar dies (broke my heart, I loved him), leaving Chloe to be so sad. Last night we watched as the president was the one working with the former CTU employee. I was a huge Palmer fan, as well as a huge Almeda fan, so this season makes me sad Jen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bware21 Posted January 26, 2007 Author Share Posted January 26, 2007 So, you still have the fifth season to get through, which will make you even sadder. We're watching the current season (#6), usually a couple of days after it airs so we can skip through those annoying commercials. You got a ways to go. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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