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Here I am


KatieB

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It's been the worst two weeks of my life since I lost my dad 3 years ago...now I've lost my mom.

I don't know how I will be, or how I will handle being orphaned and best friend-less now....but I will perservere...I have no choice in the matter.... as with everything else- one moment at a time is what I will take.

My heart feels like it is bleeding...my body hurts...but I walk and talk and breath...so I must learn to live in a world without my mom, my best friend. How? It's a part of life...Just like with dad, I will have to learn to live this new normal.

I've jumped back into work...that was my savior after my dad died...and I am ready to do that again. Denial and avoidance may be an ugly word to some...but it helps me to cope and function having things to do, emotions in their place, safely tucked into a box...

Just two more days until her burial....two more days until all these distant people (who are smothering me) leave me alone and let me just "be".

They weren't here before my mom died, I don't want them here now.... It was just me and my mom before....and it will be again, only this time she will be with me in my heart....

I meant to post that I am back..monitoring and supporting and readying for upcoming events, etc..... sorry for the rambling....I took my very first anti-anxiety med two days ago and sometimes I just do that---ramble ramble on.....

Thank you Connie and Maurie for the lovely arrangement- my mom would have loved the tropical and colorful choices....Thank you Andrea for the plant....another living tribute to my mom. Hopefully my thumb will be half as green as hers was and I won't kill them off anytime soon.

Thank you each and everyone for your PMs and prayers and condolences.

Anyway, here I am...happy to be here, comforted to be amongst my LCSC family....praising the wonderful and encouraging news I've read, and crying for those I love with not-so-good news....

Here I am, and I'm not planning on going anywhere anytime soon.

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Katie, it is so good to see you posting and know that the breathing at least is happening...

Please, please use my phone number anytime you need 'out' for a little bit.... You're welcome to soggy my shoulder or talk about sales at JCPenny (though I warn you, I hate shopping) whatever feels most right.

((((((Katie))))))) We love you, and we're here.

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Dear Katie-

Can’t find the words. Just hope you find peace soon. You will. You obviously love your Mom very much.You got me thinking about how our moms have known us longer than anyone else in our lives and vice versa. It must hurt to lose that. I hope you find that there are many ways you are still connected to her.

As for the LCSC, even though you know we can’t make it without you, take your time.

We’ll try to fight off the xxxbots until you and Rick are back.

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"P.S. I Love You"]

We’ll try to fight off the xxxbots until you and Rick are back.

So true!!!! Ok, Katie--Picture the weird "Femme-bots" from Austin Powers all lined up against us LCSCers.... Cause that's the picture I have in my head.....

What's our ammo guys? Are we throwing tomatoes? Flaming donuts? No... Frank wouldn't allow that.... what? We must fight off the **Word not allowed**-bots!

(ok... so I was going for just the tiniest smile, and I don't mean to hi-jack this thread with silliness, I really don't... but we've got your back, friend. :)).

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The Body Dies, But the spirit of the Individual lives on within each and every one of us. Prayers and Thoughts for peace and tranquility in Life. :cry:

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Katie, it is good to have you back. Take the pace you need for yourself. You give me an inkling of what my daughter is going through because Lucie was her mom and best friend. Some things those of us grieving just can't do -- I still can't visit anyone in the hospital. I hope with time that will subside. You have a lot of good friends here, you and Rick. Blessings. Don

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(((Katie))),

Bless you for being 'on duty' with all happening in your life right now! Once again......shows your remarkable character. I know you say it is your denial, but my take is ~ it is because you care for all of us so much and watch over us all. Thank you.

You used the word 'orphan'. That carries a very lonely feeling, doesn't it? I lost my dad one year, mother the next. I remember saying to my brother how I felt like an orphan. He stated that, indeed, we now were. It hit so hard I could hardly breathe. If only the love and support from this board were enough to carry you through :cry: .

Take your time and don't overdo it here, Katie. If you find it therapeutic.....well, okay. We just want to protect and shelter you, as you have done for all of us for so long.

L&T,

Kasey and Fred

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Katie-

I do understand- I too am an orphan. My only sibling also left a couple of days before my mom's celebration and we have not heard from him yet. This thought of being an "orphan" really messed me up. After searching deep within myself all I could pull out was a negative meaning. So....I decided to drop that idea and came up with...My parents are in heaven preparing a place for me. Kinda like they have a "vacation" home. It took a little while but I feel better about them being "gone". It doesn't mean I miss them any less, but it helps get through this life without parents. I really try to focus on the ones that I know love me unconditionaly. Kinda like weeding out your flower garden. I pray that you too can find your own way of dealing with these horrible

feelings. My mom was always my best friend and still is. No-one can ever take that place. I think those of us that had that connection with our parents are just so blessed. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad to see that you are back!!!! I missed your great words of wisdom.

Prayers and Hugs

Connie

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