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Head vs Heart


kamataca

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My head knows that we have been very lucky so far with Mom...coming up on 24 relatively healthy months.

My heart is dull because we have seen progression lately, and have to be more aggressive.

My head is relieved that Mom still wants to fight..."the alternative is to do nothing."

My heart is afraid that the new chemo, which we avoided a year ago because of her very fragile kidneys, will be too much for her.

My head knows that this is what cancer fighters do--battle the beast with every ounce of strength they have.

My heart pains when I see Mom struggle.

So many different fronts on this battle...

Kelly

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(((((Kelly)))))) 24 months is a long time to fight. And while that is a huge blessing, it's also very wearisome for you all. It's so hard to see people we love struggling so hard.... this disease is so evil.

Praying so hard for all of you. Tell your Mama that everytime I see a "twinkie" (you know--from the expiration date comment, since they enver expire), I smile and think of her.

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Kelly,

Something my therapist said (since mom passed I've been going): All the knowlege in the world often can't change the course of future events.

The past, and your concerns, and what you've seen is not going to change what tomorrow will bring.

Your Mom is still in the fight...I wouldn't bet against her even if you gave me odds. She's a winner.

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It's a horrible battle- head v. heart.

In recent weeks I've felt those things in very different circumstances...and like you now, I felt them before with my dad.....tettering on despair....griping tightly to hope.

I always remember this- even had it printed on a shirt...."where there is breath, there is life...where there is life...there is ALWAYS hope"...

and I love what Nick had to say (I'm writing it in my book of thoughts....)

"The past, and your concerns, and what you've seen is not going to change what tomorrow will bring."

Accept today for what it is, love those around you because you can, and believe that miracles exists.

I'm praying and pulling for your mom...Bev is one tough cookie...give her a gentle hug from me and hold her close.

Love,

K

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Head vs. heart-those have both been present in every decision of my life. With this disease, I gotta say go with your heart-love her and have hope (my mom did even after her Dr. told her it was time for hospice).

I was always worried that she wasn't being realistic and dealing with death the way she should. Guess what I learned? That was OK! I was and am so very thankful that when my mom went into her last coma, she had just told me in the shower two days before that she did not believe she was going to die. Did it matter that she never succumbed to the idea that she was going to die? Nope, not in the least, that's what makes her such an inspiration and hero in my eyes.

Kel, I am speaking from my experience, but I really believe it to be so true. Live, love and keep hope.

I'll be thinking of you. I send you big hugs and lots of luv!

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((Kelly)))

I know a little of what you are going through. Alan

just past his 2 yr DX date (1/10/05) and is in the

battle again. It hurt my heart to see him so down

when he found out his cancer was back and then we had

to make the decsion of chemo (which almost killed him)

or radiation which would kill the tumor locally, but

as this new tumor was a lymph node outside his chest

there is always the chance some of the cancer cells

are "hiding" out. We went with radiation.

We descided to go with what will work NOW and do our

very best not to worry about what "could" happen in

the future. It is a crappy way to live, but we do

our very best to live just today and let tomorrow come to us.

Many continued prayers for you and your Mom, as she

continues to fight the beast.

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